Author's Notes - I don't own Digimon, but the Censors, Marrowmon, WaterMelomon, this fic's villain and the new Digimon which appears in this fic are my creations. You may wish to read the three fics which come before this - "The Cantaloupe Conspiracy," "The Grapes of Wrath" and "A Marrow Escape" - before reading this one, but their events are concisely recapped at the start here. Now, let the beginning of the end of the madness... uh... begin!

- - -

“AS THE WORM TURNS”

(Epilogue to “Fruit of the DOOM!”)

By Chris McFeely

- - -

Veemon: Hi everyone! It’sh Veemon here, to recap the shtrange and shtartling eventsh that have happened reshently! Firsht of all, it turned out that the cantaloupesh that were popping up all over the plashe had been infected with shome of the Diaboromon virush, and then they DNA Digivolved into WaterMelomon. After a fight, he Digivolved into Marrowmon, and shtarted turning everyone into cantaloupesh! Before we could shtop him, a whole lotta people were changed - including Davish! Ash Imperialdramon, Wormmon and I deshtroyed Marrowmon, but now, a myshterioush new Digi-Egg hash appeared, and it’sh up to Ken to figure out what it meansh if we ever want to change everyone back to normal!

In what remains of the Fox Kids building, Ken and Wormmon sit and stare intently at the new Digi-Egg, (click HERE for a picture, from the last fic) which rests on a table in front of them. Around them, those who avoided being turned into cantaloupes watch. CEO Vader is even visible on a large floating viewscreen, talking to Censor Joe and Censor Steve.

Vader: ...look, I’m telling you, the fact that it looks sort of like me is *totally* coincidental. It’s really not got anything to do with me! Look, I’ll prove it... I’m going to go away now, and I wont be back for the entire fic, so you’ll see that I’ve got no involvement in it. Really.

The viewscreen goes blank, and floats away.

Censor Joe: ...all I did was ask him what time it was...

BlackWarGreymon: *points at the Digi-Egg* The Crest symbol... looks sort of like a light bulb. What could that mean?

Wormmon: We’re going to have to try everything we can think of to activate it!

Puppetmon: Okay, so, it’s a light bulb... what about light?

Veemon: Kari already hash that...

Puppetmon: Can’t hurt to try...

A little later, Daemon and LadyDevimon wheel in the last of a bunch of high-power spotlights, and point them all at Ken. Daemon gives a thumbs-up sign to Wormmon, who flicks the power on, and the lights all shine on Ken.

Ken: Aah! I’m blind!

Armadillomon: Don’ be so dramatic.

Wormmon studies the Digi-Egg.

Wormmon: Nothing yet...

Daemon: Turn ‘em up!

Shortly...

Ken: Can we PLEASE stop now? I think I can actually FEEL myself getting skin cancer.

Daemon: Pfft, wuss.

Wormmon turns the power off, and Ken staggers back across the room.

Ken: Ahh... God... my eyes... the colours...

Daemon: Do not take the blue acid, man.

Ken: I... can... see... through... time...

Puppetmon: Okay, so it ain’t Light. What if it represents light from Darkness? Darkness? How ‘bout that?

Daemon: Word.

Daemon plugs a coffee pot, a waffle iron, a toaster, an electric razor, and an electric shoe buffer into one socket. There is a crackle, and the fuse blows, taking the rest of the buildings electricity with it. The entire studio is plunged into darkness.

Ken: Anything?

Wormmon: I don’t know... hold on, I can’t find the egg... oh, wait... I think I’ve got it...

LadyDevimon: *SMACK!*

Wormmon: Ow! Sorry... ah, here it is. Nothing happening...

Ken: *sigh* What do we do about light?

Daemon: Evil Inferno.

Daemon’s hand ignites, lighting up the room.

BlackWarGreymon: Ahh... how darkness can be repelled so easily... would that it were so simply to cleanse a soul of-

LadyDevimon: Will you just SHUT UP for ONCE?

BlackWarGreymon: *sniff*

Censor Joe and Censor Steve run off to try and get power restored, while Ken and Wormmon look at the egg some more.

Wormmon: A light-bulb... could represent an idea... a creation. Creativity, maybe?

Ken: How do I display creativity?

In a few minutes...

Ken is standing a smock, wearing a beret and holding a palette and paint brush, standing in front of a huge canvas.

Ken: But I can’t paint!

Wormmon: Details, details... here, copy this...

Wormmon takes BlackWarGreymon’s book of classic Renaissance artwork and gives it to Ken.

BlackWarGreymon: Be careful with that, I only have six other copies...

Ken pokes his tongue out of the corner of his mouth and sets to work.

A few hours later... with the power restored....

Ken: ...et voila! A masterpiece!

Ken steps back and admires his work.

Puppetmon: ...I don’t get it.

Ken: It’s ART, you philistine.

Puppetmon: ...I still don’t get it.

BlackWarGreymon: Can’t you admire the smooth juxtapositioning of the obvious dichotomies within the piece?

Puppetmon: No.

BlackWarGreymon: Oh, okay, fair enough, then.

Wormmon examines the Digi-Egg.

Wormmon: Still nothing...

Ken: Hmn, sorry, what?

An eccentric billionaire walks away carrying the painting, as Ken thumbs through a roll of money.

Wormmon: The Digi-Egg didn’t react.

Ken: Well, copying something isn’t very creative.

Wormmon: And you only think to say that NOW?

Ken: *shrugs* Eh...

Daemon: Gimmie that thing!

Daemon snatches the Digi-Egg and starts beating it off a wall.

Daemon: Work, dammit! I don’t want my homies to be cantaloupes! Who’s gonna pop my caps for me?

Ken: Give me that!

Ken snatches the egg back, and dusts it off.

Daemon: Did I call you a spoilsport already? ‘Cause you are.

Suddenly, the entire building shakes.

Veemon: Hey, what wash that?

Another shockwave rocks the building.

Puppetmon: Sounds like it’s coming from outside!

There’s a shattering noise several floors below, and then another crash, as something else is broken to bits.

Censor Joe: What NOW?

Ken: Whatever it is, it can’t be good! Wormmon, get ready!

Wormmon: Wormmon, Digivolve to... Stingmon!

Stingmon stands ready, as Veemon, Hawkmon and Armadillomon try to Digivolve.

Armadillomon: Goldurnit! Ah can’t Digivolve without Cody!

Armadillomon gestures at the cantaloupe which once was Cody.

Hawkmon: Forsooth, I do fear that I am likewise disabled!

Veemon: What he shaid.

Ken: You’ll just have to do as you are, then.

A section of floor a few feet away from them erupts, as something bursts through it from below. A metal arm clamps down onto the floor, and another arm comes through the hole, followed by a haunting familiar body...

Charlene bounces past, for no apparent reason.

Charlene: It’s - my - old - mechanoid - body! The - one - I - used - at - the - Christmas - party!

(Author’s Note - Back in “Have Yourself a Digi Little Christmas...!” naturally - you can see a picture of the mechanoid in Charlene’s profile, in “Secret Files and Digi-Origins!”)

Charlene bounces off again, never to return. Until later in the fic, anyway.

The mechanoid straightens up, and flexes it’s arms.

Mechanoid: Hello again!

Ken: What? That thing isn’t sentient... there must be someone piloting it!

Stingmon: Then let’s find out who!

Stingmon’s wings deploy, and he zips into the air towards the mechanoid.

Mechanoid: You are superfluous, insect.

The mechanoid swats Stingmon aside, knocking him to the ground.

Veemon: Vee Headbutt!

Veemon smashes into the mechanoid, denting it’s lower torso.

Armadillomon: Diamond Shell!

Armadillomon whirls and slams into the mechanoid’s arm, which cracks.

Hawkmon: Beak Buzzs... no wait, Hawk Bea... no, hold on... Feather Str-!

An energy beam from the mechanoid knocks Hawkmon out cold.

Veemon: That’sh what you get when dubbers shcrew up your attacksh.

Stingmon: SPIKING STRIKE!

Stingmon leaps up, and drives his energy stinger into the back of the mechanoid, tearing a hole.

Mechanoid: Blast you!

The mechanoid reaches around, and grabs Stingmon, holding him by the leg and throwing him into the other Digimon.

Daemon, Puppetmon, BlackWarGreymon and LadyDevimon move forward.

Mechanoid: Get back, all of you! THEY’RE the ones I want!

The mechanoid points to Censor Joe and Censor Steve, who both look back over their shoulders.

Mechanoid: The Censors!

Censor Joe: I hope he means some OTHER Censors...

Puppetmon: Huh... okay, I’m cool with that... might mean I can get my gun back...

LadyDevimon: ...and I could get to slap Angewomon! Yay!

Daemon: Whatchoo talkin’ ‘bout, Lady? He can’t destroy them - they stopped me from being called Cree... Creep... *shudder* ...the ‘C’ word.

BlackWarGreymon: And they are living creatures who have but one purpose in their lives! They deserve the right to breathe, to love, to...

LadyDevimon: I thought I told you to SHUT UP!

BlackWarGreymon: Yessum...

Puppetmon: Go on, knock yerself out...

The mechanoid trundles towards the terrified censors.

Daemon: I ain’t watchin’ this! Evil INFERNO!

Daemon’s fire blast smashes into the mechanoid, rupturing the cockpit canopy.

Ken: It’s loose! Stingmon, do it!

Stingmon: Spiking STRIKE!

Stingmon lunges at the mechanoid again, landing on it’s shoulders, and driving his spike into the canopy hinge. With a grunt, he rips it off - but then, the mechanoid grabs him by the wrist, and smashes him off a wall several times. With a groan, he hits the floor, De-Digivolves to Wormmon, and bounces to lie beside Ken.

Ken: Wormmon! Are you okay?

Wormmon: I’m... fine... Ken... but... who is it?

Ken looks up at the canopy-less mechanoid, and gasps!





























Ken: CLARK NIMOY?!

Clark Nimoy: Yes, that’s right, it is I, Clark Nimoy, evil twin brother of Jeff Nimoy! BWAHAHAHAHAA!

(For an incredibly high quality image of Clark Nimoy, click HERE - you just won’t believe how good it is! ^_^)

Censor Joe: We got you locked up after that Fantom mess! How did you get out?

Clark Nimoy: It’s remarkably easy to escape from prison when the guard is a CANTALOUPE!

(Astute readers may or may not remember that Marrowmon smashed up a police station in “A Marrow Escape!” - if you remembered, give yourself a million “Clever” points, and go eat a big bowl of raspberry Jell-O, you clever sonuvagun, you.)

Ken: What do you want with the Censors this time?

Clark Nimoy: I swore that I’d get them but good, remember? I knew that time had come when the final episodes aired - because I WROTE THOSE EPISODES!! When I was posing as Jeff! That’s why they weren’t cramming with his lousy jokes! Mother always thought Jeff was funny, but she never thought *I* was funny! No, not Clark! Clark’s not the funny one! Well, mother, maybe I’d have been funnier - maybe I’d have LAUGHED more - if you hadn’t DRUNK so much...! It wasn’t fun, when, Daddy, Jeff and me had to come down to the drunk tank at 4am to get you out! I MIGHT HAVE BEEN FUNNY, MOTHER!

Ken: ...ahem...

Clark Nimoy: Yes... well... anyway! I wrote those episodes, but they stuck false names on them! Didn’t want to be associated with a criminal! Well, they were MY WORK, and now I’m going to may them PAY for robbing me of my glory! I “liberated” this old thing... *slaps hand against mechanoid’s body* ...from storage, and here I am!

Clark spins the mechanoid around, and moves towards the Censors again.

Ken: Get away from them! Sure, they may be fat, arrogant, ugly bastards, but they’re our FRIENDS!

Wormmon: Sticky Net!

Wormmon sprays his net over Clark and the mechanoid, but it is easily ripped through.

Clark Nimoy: Pathetic! Can’t you try even a little harder? When I get ahold of these Censors, I’m going to make them feel pain like you can only dream about, and all you can do to stop me is a net? Use your imagination, punk!

Ken: Well... I suppose we could rig up a makeshift thermonuclear device to destroy the mechanoid... or we could hack into it’s central mainframe and shut it down, or we could get it really wet and let it rust, or we could...

Wormmon: Ken!

Wormmon looks at the Digi-Egg lying on the floor. It’s glowing brightly.

Ken: It’s... reacting?

Wormmon: It’s because you were using your imagination! That’s it! It’s the Digi-Egg of Imagination!

Ken stoops and picks it up, as Clark Nimoy moves towards the Censors again.

Ken: Hey, CLARK! Can I just say one more thing?

The mechanoid spins around again.

Clark Nimoy: What?

Ken: DIGI-ARMOUR, ENERGISE!!

The Digi-Egg glows with even more power, and floats from Ken’s hands, and Nimoy shields his eyes. The egg whirls around Wormmon, who begins to spin on the spot.

Wormmon: Wormmon, Armour Digivolve to...

A series of energy rings, resembling letters of the alphabet, swell up and surround Wormmon, as the image of Stingmon appears in the air above him, hovering for a second before disappearing. A bipedal figure can be seen through the cone, as shining black armour materialises around his body - on his legs, his arms, his chest, his waist, his shoulders, and finally, a mask forms around his head. He stretches out his left arm, then his right, then jerks his head forward, as the rings fade away, and he strikes a pose.


























New Digimon: ...FANFICTIOMON! THE PRODUCT OF IMAGINATION!!

FanFictiomon’s black armour shines powerfully, as he stands beside Ken. He is not as tall as Stingmon - he’s about as tall as Flamedramon. Ken stares at him.

Ken: Fan... Fictiomon?

Charlene hops back in, and opens her screen up on FanFictiomon’s Digimon Analyser.

(To see FanFictiomon in all his shiny glory, click HERE - did you ever SEE so much interactiveness in a fic?)

FanFictiomon (narrating his analyser): I am FanFictiomon, an Armour Digimon! As Wormmon, I used the Digi-Egg of Imagination to Armour Digivolve! If you get in my way, I’m going to have to write you off!

Charlene bounces off again.

Clark Nimoy: New Digimon or not, you’re not going to stop me from getting my revenge!

FanFictiomon: We’ll see about THAT! PAGE JUMP!!

FanFictiomon... vanishes.

Clark Nimoy: What the-? Where’d he go?

There is a thump, and FanFictiomon appears on top of the mechanoid.

FanFictiomon: Like the teleport? AUTHOR ALERT!

FanFictiomon’s fingers retract into his armour, and the solid black sphere left shoots out as his arm telescopes, smashing a huge dent in the mechanoid’s top.

Clark Nimoy: Get off there!

The mechanoid’s arm reaches up, but FanFictiomon teleports out of it’s reach.

Puppetmon: Shouldn’t we... I dunno, help, or something?

Daemon: Nah, why bother? It’s one of those showcase things... you know he’ll be able to kick his ass now because it’s his introductory story, but in later fics, he’s not going to be anywhere near as capable...

BlackWarGreymon: Popcorn?

LadyDevimon: Ooh, thanks...

The four evil Digimon sit down and watch the fight continue to rage.

Clark Nimoy: Time to bring in the heavy artillery. Try THIS on for size!

Nimoy hits a button, and the mechanoid fires energy beams from it’s hands. FanFictiomon fails to dodge in time, and is sent sprawling. The mechanoid looms over him.

Clark Nimoy: Say goodbye, bug boy!

FanFictiomon: Only if you do it first! IMAGINATION... UNLEASHED!!

FanFictiomon thrusts both his hands forwards, and a large sphere of energy shoots out from them, slamming into the mechanoid, toppling it over. Nimoy is knocked out of the cockpit, and falls to the ground. FanFictiomon rises, as the glowing energy ball swirls around the in the air. FanFictiomon looks down at Nimoy, and they make eye contact.

The glowing ball streaks towards Nimoy, and strikes him - but rather than knocking him out, or hurting him, is sinks inside of him, causing his whole body to glow.

FanFictiomon: When you unleash your imagination... you free your soul!

The glow dissolves around Clark, and he collapses backwards, and ridiculous grin plastered on his face.

Daemon: See? It was THAT easy.

Clark Nimoy: I’m a happy little bunny. Or a duckie.

Ken: What did you... DO to him?

FanFictiomon: My Imagination Unleashed attack induces temporary nirvana - it frees the soul from mortal concerns and constraints. It wont last long, though.

Censor Joe and Censor Steve kiss FanFictiomon’s feet.

Censor Joe: Oh, thankyouthankyouTHANKYOU!

Censor Steve: Yousavedusfromtherampaginglunatic!

FanFictiomon: Oh, get OFF. I have more work to do.

FanFictiomon’s armour begins to surge with green energy, as he floats up into the air. He teleports outside, hovering in the sky outside the building, and everyone rushes to the windows to look, as Nimoy drools on the floor.

FanFictiomon raises his arms to the heavens, and a beam of bright green light shoots up. A fine green mist floats back down, passing through buildings and people, leaving nothing untouched. As everyone watched, the cantaloupes which litter the floor twitch, roll around, and begin to morph, as everyone is restored to normal.

Cody: Woah... what happened?

Armadillomon: CODY!

Armadillomon jumps on Cody and knocks him over.

Armadillomon: Ah didn’t mean what Ah said before, Cody, Ah wouldn’t ever eat your head!

Hawkmon and Veemon charge into Yolei and Davis.

Hawkmon: So foul and fair a day I have not seen!

Yolei: ...yeah...

Veemon: Davish! Are you okay?

Davis: I feel fine... except I have this craving for... WORLD DOMINATION...

Veemon slaps Davis across the face.

Davis: Ow! Thanks, buddy, I feel better now...

Censor Bob: Hey guys... woah... I don’t feel so good...

Censor Steve holds a taco under Bob’s nose and moves it back and forth.

Censor Joe: Eeeeasy now...

MarineDevimon: Yo, yo, yo! What did we miss?

SkullSatamon: Why does my mouth taste like melon?

Daemon: BOYS! You’re back!

MarineDevimon and SkullSatamon high-five Daemon, as Puppetmon hugs Piedmon’s leg.

Piedmon: Get it off, get it off, in the name of God, get it OFF!

One by one, all the other Digimon and humans are restored.

In a blink of light, FanFictiomon appears in the middle of the room again.

Tai: Is that... Wormmon?

Sora: He got... buff.

FanFictiomon glows, and De-Digivolves back into Wormmon. A stream of black energy flows off of him, into Ken’s D-Terminal. Ken pulls out his D-Terminal and looks at the Digi-Egg on it’s screen.

Wormmon: Well, it could’ve been worse... I could’ve been that little Teletubbie thing...

(That’s Pucchiemon, kids)

Joe: What happened to Marrowmon?

Veemon: He turned you all into cantaloupesh, but we shtopped him!

Matt: Where’s Izzy?

BlackWarGreymon: Floating in character limbo, right now, as Chris didn’t want to use him in this story...

Mimi: ...what about Michael?

Ken: He must be around here somewhere...

*BELCH*

Tentomon staggers in.

Tentomon: I know that I said I was over my cantaloupe problem... but when I saw them all just lying there... I just had to have one... for old times sake... and... and... why are you all looking at me like that?

- - -

THE END!

- - -

YET MORE AUDIO MADNESS!

For some sound bytes from this fic, head on over to HERE!

- - -

Trivia:

If you hadn’t figured it out, the symbol on the Digi-Egg - the Crest of Imagination - is modelled after the light bulb logo of FanFiciton.Net itself. FanFictiomon’s attacks are also based on things you’ll find around FF.N - his Page Jump attack is named for the feature that lets you move between pages, while his Author Alert is named after the feature of the same name. His Imagination Unleashed attack, and it’s effects, are derived from FF.N’s tag line - “Unleash Your Imagination and Free Your Soul.”

- - -

Well, faithful readers, the insanity is at an end. The Fantom is done, the cantaloupe idiocy is finally cleared up... so what could be next? Really, what’s next? *I* certainly don’t know... just stayed tuned for more of my usual silliness. And Review! ^_^

- - -