Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon, but some of the characters who appear here are my own creations.

OooOooOooo. It's almost Halloween! So now, a little earlier than billed, it's...

- - -

McFEELY'S MANSION OF THE MACABRE

A Halloween special by Chris McFeely

- - -

On a dark and stormy night... we open on the silhouette of a castle, perched atop a craggy peak, as storm clouds roil in the sky above. There is a crack of thunder, and a flurry of bats shriek and fly past the camera. Lightning flashes, and we jump closer to the house, moving towards the single lighted window in the attic... closer...

Lightning flashes again, and we are inside the room. The light comes from a dim fire that burns defiantly amidst the darkness. A tall, leather chair sits by the fireplace, with a small oak table beside it, where a glass containing a red liquid rests. And in the chair...?

Phantomon: Good eeeeevening.

Thunder and lightning once more... then, silence.

Phantomon sips from the glass.

Phantomon: You join me tonight to traverse a triptych of tales so traumatising, you shall be transfixed with terror.

There is a shuffling on the floor, at the base of the chair, and Phantomon leans forward, to look down.

Phantomon: Ah, yes... permit me to introduce my companion on this journey into horror.

An orange shape leaps up from the floor into Phantomon's lap.

Jeri's Puppet/D-Reaper: BAD!

Phantomon: *strokes it like a cat* Yes, little one... it most assuredly shall be.

D-Reaper: Chaos...

Phantomon: Now... the night grows old... so let us begin. *clears throat* There is much around us in our lives that influences us... some things moreso than others. This is a lesson learned by a young woman in the first of tonight's stories...

There is a burst of thunder and lightning... and Phantomon and his room melt away, to be replaced with... a title.

- - -

"THE DEVIL AND Mrs. TACHIKAWA"

- - -

An image fades in... as the camera weaves almost erratically through some familiar halls, as Phantomon's voice can be heard.

Phantomon (v/o): Our world is defined by labels... be they names, titles, prices... and this is the story of a girl who knows this better than most...

The camera comes to settle on Daemon, as he struts his way down the halls of the new ABC/Disney recording building, moving in tune with the music playing through the headphones over his hood. A door opens, and Daemon bumps into Mimi as she steps out.

Mimi: *dusts self off* Watch where you're going... you creased my blouse!

Daemon: *yells over music* YO, SORRY!

Mimi covers her ears.

Daemon: *removes headphones* Sorry, sister. Just layin' down some mad phat new movez to the newest tunes, yo.

Mimi: ...what?

Daemon: Puttin' the funk down? Stirrin' up some mad shiznit?

Mimi stares back blankly, and Daemon rolls his eyes, before pulling the earphones down over her head. She listens for a few seconds.

Mimi: *waves hand dismissively* This isn't REAL music... it's just talking over a beat.

Daemon: *twitch* If you wasn't a lady, I'd be all inclined to mess you up some, yo.

Mimi: ...

Daemon: Damn, woman. You lucky yo' pretty.

Mimi: *listens to the music some more* Hmn... well... I suppose... I can see why people like this... this guy ought to watch his mouth, though!

Daemon: That's just our language, word!

Daemon yanks the earphones off.

Mimi: Thanks all the same, but I don't think I'll make a habit of listening to it.

Daemon: You folk just don't go no taste.

Daemon pulls the 'phones back on, and funks off down the corridor, as Mimi walks in the opposite direction.

- - -

Later that afternoon, Mimi is walking down the street, when she pauses in front of a shop window. Peering through the glass, she sees, resting on a shelf, a cap. She looks at for a couple of minutes, before walking through the door, then emerging a little later, wearing it. She twist the cap around backwards, and walks on down the street, absently humming.

- - -

The following day, Mimi and Michael are being driven to work by Michael's chauffeur, because he's a big rich son-of-a... movie star, don'tcha know?

Michael: Er... Mimi?

Mimi: Mmn?

Michael: Where'd you get that?

Michael indicates the cap, which is still on Mimi's head.

Mimi: Oh, just some store. Looks cool, huh?

Michael: Oh... yeah... uh, cool.

Mimi leans over the front seat, beside the driver, and turns the radio on. Through coincidence... or perhaps, something else... The Song that Daemon was listening to is playing. Mimi sits back down, and starts to tap the beat out on the seat.

Michael: Since when were you into this sort of stuff?

Mimi: Don't know... just kinda like the tune. Don't you?

Michael: I suppose it's okay if you like that sort of thing.

By and by, the car pulls into a space, and Mimi and Michael get out, and enter the studio building. After exiting the elevator, they happen to walk past Daemon.

Mimi: Yo, homie.

Daemon: Wasshappnin', mah sistah? Gimmie some skin!

The two of them high-five as Michael lifts an eyebrow.

Mimi: Peace.

Daemon: Word.

Michael: Guh?

- - -

The day rolls by... and on the trip back...

Mimi: Ooh, ooh, stop here!

The car pulls in, and Mimi hops out, darting into a music store. Michael looks at his watch, and, a few minutes later, she reappears holding a CD case. She gets back into the car.

Michael: What'dya buy?

Mimi pops the case open, and inserts the CD into the cars' player... and The Song starts to play once again.

Michael: You really like this song, don't you?

Mimi: Straight up!

- - -

Later that night...

...in the Tachikawa home, a dull, rhythmic pounding awakens Mr. Tachikawa. He blearily picks up his glasses and looks at his alarm clock, and then, as his senses come back to him, he realises that the noise is coming from somewhere else in the house. He sits up in bed, and gently shake's his wife's shoulder to wake her.

Mr. Tachikawa: Sugar dumpling, do you hear that?

Mrs. Tachikawa: Yes... what is it, pudding?

Mr. Tachikawa: I'll find out.

Mr. Tachikawa carefully steps out of bed, and reaches into the closet, pulling out a gold club, which he swings a few times, and holds like a weapon. He steps out into the hall, and follows the sound of the pounding, which gets louder. Looking down at the floor, he sees a trail of pink, ragged strands, which go in the direction that the pounding is coming from. He follows, leading him to the bathroom door, which he slides open a crack, then shoves fully open in a hurry, brandishing the club - before gasping at the sight before him.

Mimi is standing by the sink in a pair of ripped jeans and a white shirt, as a boom box pounds out The Song beside her. In a clump in the sink is a mass of pink, as Mimi lifts her now-shaven head to look at her father.

Mimi: Yo, pops.

Mr. Tachikawa: Mimi... what...?

Mimi: Just gettin' a stylin' new look on, you know?

Mimi flicks her head back and ties a bandana around it.

Mimi: I'm goin' out.

Mr. Tachikawa: But... it's the middle of the night...!

Mimi: Yeah, and...?

Mr. Tachikawa: Young lady, I forbid you to leave this house at this hour, let alone looking like that!

Mimi: You don't forbid nothing, man. You don't own me.

Mimi brushes past him.

Mr. Tachikawa: You live under my roof, you live under my rules- -

Mr. Tachikawa puts a hand on Mimi's shoulder to stop her, but suddenly winds up on his butt on the floor and Mimi flips him. He groans and shakes his head... and when he looks up, Mimi is gone.

- - -

Somewhere out in the night...

Daemon: You boys all set?

MarineDevimon holds up a big sack.

MarineDevimon: Sure am, Big D.

SkullSatamon wields a crowbar.

SkullSatamon: I'm hearin' ya, Pimp Master D-Dawg.

LadyDevimon rolls her eyes as she leans against a trashcan in the alley the group is standing in.

LadyDevimon: This is the most immature...

Daemon: We didn't ask you to come, bitch.

LadyDevimon: Yeah... but... *little voice* ...I get lonely...

Mimi (v/o): Mind if I join the party?

Daemon grins inside his hood as Mimi steps out of the shadows. He looks her up and down.

Daemon: Lovin' that new look, my sistah. Yo' in.

MarineDevimon: Another Chiquita on the team?

SkullSatamon: Yo, we don't need no more o' this... *jerks thumb at LadyDevimon*

LadyDevimon: Just you come over here and say that...

Mimi: So, what's the score?

Daemon: See that little store down there...?

Daemon and Mimi lean out of the mouth of the alley and Daemon indicates a small jewellery store a short distance away. Mimi nods, and Daemon nods back.

The group slinks from the shadows of the alley, and quietly but quickly surround the front of the store. SkullSatamon jams a bony finger in the lock and twiddles it around. The door swings open.

Daemon: My man.

SkullSatamon: All in a day's work, yo.

Daemon: Now, let's get to work!

The group hastily moves about, removing the valuables from the cases and stuffing them in the sack. As Mimi does so, she dons her headphones once more, and listens to The Song again, screaming into her ears at an obscene volume...

...so when the police demand they come out with their hands up, she doesn't hear a thing.

SkullSatamon: Shiznit! We musta tripped a silent alarm!

Daemon: Calm, boys, calm. It's all been planned for.

Daemon snaps his finger at MarineDevimon, and points at Mimi, who's still gathering up loot, not aware of any problem.

MarineDevimon: *yells so she can hear him over the music* HOLD THIS, WILL YA?!

Mimi nods and takes the sack.

Daemon: And now, we say "sayonara, sucker!"

Daemon gestures and a digital gate opens in the middle of the shop. He, SkullSatamon and MarineDevimon leap through.

LadyDevimon: This is the most appallingly sexist...

Daemon: You wanna stay?

LadyDevimon: Hell no!

LadyDevimon jumps through the gate, and it shuts behind her, leaving Mimi alone... just as the police burst in.

- - -

Doctor: I'm sorry, sir, but we've run all the tests there are. Her mind has been altered in some way... she's... completely insane.

Mrs. Tachikawa bursts into tears, and Mr. Tachikawa hugs her.

Mr. Tachikawa: Can we... see her?

Doctor: Of course, of course...

The doctor leads the Tachikawas down a series of halls in the hospital, through electronically locked doors and bullet-proof glass... then leads them into an observation room, where, through the one-way mirror, they can see Mimi, bounding a straight jacket in a padded room.

Mr. Tachikawa: God...

Mrs. Tachikawa: My poor baby! *sobs*

Doctor: You shouldn't have to see too much of this. Come, I'll show you out. We'll update you on her condition.

They leave... and, as time passes, an orderly enters Mimi's room.

Mimi: Hey, dawg, c'n I at least get my tunes, man?

Orderly: I dunno...

Mimi flutters her eyelids at him.

Mimi: Pleeeease?

Orderly: I... uh... well... I guess it would be okay...

The orderly leaves, and returns presently with Mimi's CD player. He puts the headphones on her, and leaves again. Mimi sighs in relaxation as The Song plays...

...but then, suddenly, a louder voice is heard speaking on top of it.

Daemon (v/o): Hello Mimi.

Mimi: Huh?! What the - ?!

Mimi jumps up in surprise, and the earphones fall off, as the CD player drops to the ground, popping open, causing the CD to fall out.

But the music doesn't stop.

It just keeps playing in her ears, for only her to hear, growing louder, and louder... like the voice that accompanies it.

Mimi: Wh-why...?

Daemon (v/o): It's just you and me now... I'm afraid we're going to be together for a very... long... time...

Daemon begins to laugh...

Mimi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

...as Mimi throws back her head and screams, the camera zooming in on her eye's pupil, blacking the screen out, until all that can be heard is the screaming, The Song... and Daemon's laughter.

- - -

There is another burst of thunder and lightning, and out of the blackness, Phantomon and his room fade back in

Phantomon: Yes, our world is based on labels... but perhaps young Mimi should have been wary of the one which reads "Parental Advisory: Explicit Lyrics."

D-Reaper: Explicit!

Phantomon: Indeed. But our journey is only beginning... there are more tales to be told this fearsome night.

Phantomon sips from his glass again.

D-Reaper: More! More! More!

Phantomon: Oh, my yes... but be careful, my friend. Because always wanting more can be a very dangerous thing... as this next young man was sorry to find out...

More thunder and lightning, as Phantomon fades out, and a new title appears...

- - -

"OBSESSION"

- - -

The scene fades in above West Shinjuku. The camera slow pans down among the buildings.

Phantomon (v/o): Many will tell you that if you want something, you should take it... but this boy shall discover that this is not always advisable...

The camera comes to rest outside of the school building... as Takato stands outside, hopping impatiently from foot to foot. Eventually, Kazu comes running out.

Takato: What was the hold up?

Kazu: Ah, dude, Miss Asaji kept me after again! Made me write an apology for chewin' gum in class.

Takato: Well, come on, let's go!

Takato and Kazu start to run, out of the school grounds and into town.

Takato: *panting* Got to... hurry... new... delivery of... cards... at the store... today!

Kazu: Dude, I know, why are you telling me?

Takato winks at the camera.

Kazu: Oh, yeah, right... "we'd better hurry, the store is closing soon."

Winkity-wink.

As they run through the streets, it begins to get darker, as evening closes in. They reach the store... but the lights inside are off.

Kazu: Ah, dude! *snaps finger*

Takato longingly presses his nose up against the window and looks in at the display of new cards.

Takato: You and your gum.

Kazu: It's a bummer, Chumley, but don't take it out on me.

Takato sighs.

Kazu: You walking?

Takato: Nah, you go on, I'll see you tomorrow.

Kazu: Later.

Kazu hoists his backpack over his shoulder and walks off, as Takato stares at the cards. A few minutes pass.

Voice (v/o): Y'know, you could just... take 'em.

Takato looks around, and sees the shadowed figure who spoke standing in an alleyway beside the shop. It's another boy, about his size, smoking a cigarette.

Takato: Um... what?

Shadow Boy: Take 'em. Y'know, toss a rock. The ol' smash and grab.

Takato: But that's stealing!

Shadow Boy: Aw, no it ain't! They're the one's stealin', y'know? Stealin' your chance to buy the cards by closin' so early.

Takato: I... I think I should go.

Shadow Boy: Hey, it's your loss. Get 'em for nothin' or come back tomorrow and be over-charged for 'em.

Takato: Well... they DO charge a lot.

Shadow Boy: And they're a big store! An' the company that makes the cards sells truckloads of the things! A few backs ain't gonna break 'em!

Takato: That... makes sense... I guess...

Shadow Boy: That-a-boy.

The shadowed boy tosses Takato a rock from inside the alley, never stepped from the darkness.

Shadow Boy: Now, get a little distance...

Takato takes a few steps back, and looks at the rock in his hand.

Takato: I'm still... not sure...

Shadow Boy: *shrugs* Hey, I'm sure it's what Tai or Davis would d-

*SMASH!*

Takato seizes a handful of packets through the broken window and shoves them in his backpack as an alarm starts to ring.

Takato: Hey, I did it!

Takato looks over... but the shadowed boy is gone.

Takato: Where did...?

A second alarm bell starts ringing alongside the first, making it more urgent. Takato turns pale, and spins on his heel, fleeing.

- - -

An hour or so later, back at his home, Takato sits cross-legged on his bed, looking at the packets of cards, laid out in front of him. Guilmon is already asleep on the floor.

Takato: I'm a criminal.

Shadow Boy: Ah, get over yourself.

Takato suppresses a squawk at the sound of the voice, and looks up to see the figure standing in the shadow of his open door.

Takato: How'd you get in? My mom let you up?

Shadow Boy: Somethin' like that.

Takato: I didn't get your name...

Shadow Boy: Hey, that ain't important. Why aint'cha cracked open the loot?

The boy indicates the card packets. Takato turns red.

Takato: I can't... I feel too guilty... I thought I'd return them tomorrow... say I found them in the street...

Shadow Boy: Pfaugh! You got nothin' to be guilty for! Now open one!

Takato looks at the cards, and can't stop himself from ripping a pack open. The cards spill out onto the bed, and he picks one up.

Takato: Hey, all RIGHT! I've been looking for this one forever!

Guilmon blinks and yawns.

Guilmon: Who you talk to, Takatomon?

Takato: Oh, just...

Takato stops as he sees the shadow boy is no longer there.

Takato: ...no-one.

- - -

The following day, in the playground, underneath the dinosaur...

Takato: Bull's-eye, baby!

Takato slaps down a final card.

Kazu: Aw, DUDE, dude!

Kenta: You... lost!

Kazu: Thank you, Captain Obvious! Where'd you get that card, Chumley? You didn't have it yesterday.

Takato: Oh... I... uh... I found it.

Kazu: Found it? Where?

Takato: Oh... uh... it was... ah... I...

Takato looks away so he doesn't have to make eye contact, and sees a familiar darkened figure standing under a tree on the other side of the playground.

Kazu: Ta-KAAA-tooo... where'd you get the card?

Takato: I... uh... I gotta go!

Takato scoops up his cards, stuffs them in his box and runs off. Kazu and Kenta watch.

Kazu: He's bein' one strange banana today.

Kenta: Heh, heh, heh... banana... heh, heh....

Kazu: Huh, huh, huh, yeah...

Takato runs across the playground... but the shadow boy is gone.

Takato: Where...?

Takato rubs his head and walks off in the direction of the park.

- - -

Guilmon: TAKATOOO!

Takato: Hey boy!

Guilmon tackles Takato as he walks into Guilmon's hideaway in the park.

Guilmon: You early today!

Takato: Oh... yeah... well, I just... wanted to see you, that's all.

Guilmon: We play now?

Takato: *grins* Sure, boy.

Minutes later, outside...

Takato: Ninety-nine... one hundred! Coming, ready or not!

Guilmon hides behind a rock and giggles as Takato looks for him.

Takato: Oh, oh, I think I hearing something over... HERE!

Takato jumps around to the other side of a tree.

Shadow Boy: Boo.

Takato: AH!

Takato pats his chest, as the shadow boy flicks away a cigarette butt, and then leans up against the tree..

Takato: What are you doing here?

Shadow Boy: Oh, you know, the usual. You?

Takato: I was just playing with... uh...

Shadow Boy: *pokes him* We're goin' back to that store tonight.

Takato: I... don't think I should... I mean, I got lucky before, but...

Guilmon: You're not looking, Takatomon!

Takato spins around as Guilmon jogs up.

Takato: Oh, sorry, I was talking to...

Takato turns back... but the boy has vanished.

Takato: That is getting *really* annoying...

Guilmon: Where he go? We look for him?

Takato: No, no... it's okay... now, you go hide!

- - -

That night... Takato stands outside the store - its window repaired - his arms wrapped around his body, failing to protect himself from the chill of the night.

Takato: *murmur* I don't know what I'm dooooing here...

Shadow Boy: Couldn't help yerself, huh?

Takato: AAH!

Shadow Boy stands in the same alley that he was the first time.

Takato: Stop sneaking up on me like that!

Shadow Boy: Why don't you bite me?

Takato: *mutters* Why did you want me to come back here?

Shadow Boy: Repeat business.

Takato: But I don't WANT to do it again!

Shadow Boy: Sure ya do.

The boy tosses Takato another rock. Takato doesn't catch it, and it hits the ground in front of him.

Shadow Boy: Ah, fer the love of Mike, are you wimpin' out on me?

Takato: I just don't want to steal any more!

Shadow Boy: Garbage!

A bead of sweat rolls down Takato's forehead... as he bends over and picks up the rock.

Takato: I... don't... I can't...

Seemingly not in control of himself, Takato twists around, and the rock is hurled, shattering the window once again.

Shadow Boy: That's the spirit. *grin*

Takato stumbles towards the broken window, looking as though he's trying to fight his own body, and reaches in...

...only to have his wrist grabbed as a hand reaches out of the darkness, and a shotgun is pointed at his face.

Shopkeeper: Damn kid! I knew it had to be one'a youse!

Takato: No... I... it wasn't... I mean... he...!!

Takato gestures frantically at the alley... but the shadow boy... is gone.

- - -

Police Officer: I'm sorry, sir, but we're going to have to retain him for more questioning.

Mrs. Matsuki bursts into tears, and Mr. Matsuki hugs her.

Mr. Matsuki: Can we... see him?

Police Officer: Of course, of course...

The officer leads the Matsukis through the halls of the police station, into a room, where, through a one-way mirror in the wall, they can see Takato sitting at a table, as another officer questions him.

Mr. Matsuki: God...

Mrs. Matsuki: My poor baby! *sobs*

The officer with Takato leaves the room, and goes in to talk with the other officer and Takato's parents.

Meanwhile, Takato is on his own...

Shadow Boy: 'sup?

Takato nearly falls off his seat as the boy speaks from the corner of the room.

Takato: I... didn't hear you come in... how long have you been there...?

Shadow Boy: Eh, long enough.

Takato: So, they got you as well...?

Shadow Boy: You might say that.

The boy drops a cigarette to the ground, and grinds it out with his heel. Then... he steps from the shadows, allowing Takato to see his face for the first time.

And his face...

...is Takato's.

Takato: Wh...what...? How... can you...?

In the adjoining room, the officers and his parents watch Takato.

Mr. Matsuki: Who's he talking to?

Officer: There's no one else in the room. Whoever it is... it's all in his mind...

Takato: This... this doesn't... make sense...!

Shadow Takato: It's just you and me now... I'm afraid we're going to be together for a very... long... time...

The Shadow Takato begins to laugh...

Takato: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

...as Takato throws back his head and screams, the camera zooming in on his eye's pupil, blacking the screen out, until all that can be heard is the screaming... and the Shadow Takato's laughter.

- - -

There is yet another peal of thunder and lightning, and Phantomon fades back in.

D-Reaper: Scary...

Phantomon: Should it be anything less, little friend?

D-Reaper: Bad!

Phantomon: Well, yes, perhaps that. *sips his drink again* The smell of fear hangs heavy in the air now... can you detect it's ripe pungency?

D-Reaper: Smelly.

The D-Reaper holds up a little air freshener shaped like a pine tree.

Phantomon: *laughs haughtily* I do not like... pine.

The D-Reaper tosses the air freshener over its little felt shoulder, and hops back up into Phantomon's lap again.

Phantomon: And now, it is time for the final tale of the evening... and perhaps a little voice in your ear is telling you that you should stop... turn back before it's too late, and you are sucked into the bowels of dementia forever!

D-Reaper: BOWELS!

Phantomon: But do not heed that little voice... for if you should, you never know what could happen to you...

Kra-kooom! That's a thunder and lightning noise!

- - -

"NARRATIVE VOICE"

- - -

Fade in... to the bedroom of one Tai Kamiya... in the wee hours of the morning, as he sleeps soundly...

Phantomon (v/o): Listen carefully... you never know what you'll hear...

Dawn breaks, and light fills the room, as Tai sits up in bed and yawns, rubbing his eyes. He rolls over, and gets out of bed, lazily walking into the bathroom.

Tai: Grssm... ffss...

He shuts the door, and takes his toothbrush out of its holder, turns on the tap, and starts brushing.

Hey, you shouldn't leave the tap on when you do that, it wastes water.

Tai: *chokes and spits* Wh-WHA--?!

Yo.

Tai: Who... who said that?

Me.

Tai: Who... where...?

I'm all around ya, buddy boy.

Tai tugs the shower curtain aside and looks into the bathtub.

Tai: HEY! Stop saying what I'm doing!

Can't make me. And I'm not in there.

Tai: *looks under the bathroom rug*

Not there either.

Tai: *breathes deeply* Okay... okay... I'm obviously not awake yet. This is a dream. I'm not hearing a disembodied voice. That would be crazy.

You ain't just whistlin' Dixie!

Tai: Shut UP!

There's a knock at the door.

Tai: I KNOW there's a knock at the door! Stop that!

I'm not doin' it for you benefit, bucko.

Kari (v/o, on other side of door): Are... uh... you okay in there?

Tai: Fine!

Kari: Were you... um... talking to someone?

Tai: No!

Do I detect the scent of someone's pants on fire?

Tai: Get lost!

Kari: Well, you don't have to be rude about it.

Tai: No, wait!

Tai opens the door.

Tai: THERE!

Kari: Where?

Tai: Didn't you hear that?

Kari: What?

Me.

Tai: THAT!

Kari: Tai, stop being stupid.

Kari shuts the door in Tai's face.

Tai: But... what... how?

Haven't you ever seen any horror movies? You're the only one who can hear me!

Tai: Why? What do you want with me?

Well, now, that'd be telling...

- - -

A little later, Tai is sitting at the breakfast table...

Tai: Stop it!

Blow it.

Mrs. Kamiya: What's that?.

Tai: You... didn't... hear that?

Mrs. Kamiya: Hear what?

Hear ME, you hot piece of-

Tai: The voice! You can't hear it? It's talking!

Mrs. Kamiya: Uh... are you okay, honey?

Tai: CAN'T YOU HEAR THE VOICES?!

Mrs. Kamiya: Let me feel your forehead...

I tell ya, she can feel MY forehead any day of the week!

Tai: I GOTTA GO!

Tai jumps up from the table, and runs out the door.

Spoilsport.

- - -

Presently, Tai is walking along the street.

Tai: What ARE you?

You know how people talk about that "inner voice"?

Tai: Yeah...?

I'm not that.

Tai: *sigh*

So, where we goin', huh, huh?

Tai: Work.

Why do you and the other guys from season one and two keep going to work, anyway? You're not in the new seasons.

Tai: We do voices. I was a Wizardmon a while ago.

Funky.

Tai: Now shut up!

Oh, yah boo sucks, you great wet lettuce.

People give Tai strange looks.

Tai: What? Haven't you ever seen a guy talking to himself before?!

They say it's the first sign of madness.

Tai: I'm way beyond that right now...

Eh.

*Silence*

OOOOOhhh, I come from Alabama, with a banjo on my knee, I'm goin' t'Louisiana, my true love for to see...

Tai: *covers ears and groans*

- - -

A bit later on, Tai walks down the hall of the ABC/Disney building. A door opens, and CEO Vader sticks his head out.

Vader: Hey, you. Come here.

Tai: Sure thing, boss!

Kiss-ass.

Vader leads Tai into a recording studio.

Vader: We're about to start recording for the pilot of a new show. We need input.

Tai: Whatever you say, sir!

Slurrrrrrp!

Tai: CUT IT OUT!

Vader: I beg your pardon?

Tai: I said... uhm... get it out!

Vader: At least buy me dinner first.

Ew...

Tai: ...can I just watch the show, please, sir?

Vader snaps his fingers.

Producer Vinnie: Yo, yo, Big V, we're all set to get rolling!

Director Mike: Aaaand... ACTION!

Everyone looks out the window of the booth, as the action unfolds...

A fibreglass tree sits in the middle of a field, as little furry objects run around it.

Tai: Are those... hamsters?

Vader: Yup.

Inexplicably, without reason, the tree bursts into flames.

Hamster #1: Oh, mercy me! Our fibreglass tree is on fire! Whatever shall we do!

Hamster #2: Oh me, oh mi!

Voice (v/o): I'LL SAVE YOU!

A creature that looks kinda like Renamon with Sakuyamon's arms swoops down from the sky on wings that are apparently made from grey hair.

Hamster #1: It's FlyingFoxmon!

Hamster #3: Huzzah!

FlyingFoxmon puts out the fire by means which shall be explained later, and is worshipped.

Director Mike: Aaaand... CUT!

Tai: ...

Vader: ...

...

Tai: That was... interesting.

Vader: I swear to God, we are NEVER making another show based on a viewer's suggestion EVER AGAIN.

I know exactly how he feels.

Tai: No you don't.

Do so.

Tai: Do not.

Vader: Who are you talking to?

Tai: Oh... uhm... it's...

MEEE! BWAHAHAA!!

Tai: SHUT UP!!

NEENER-NEENER-NEEEEENER!

Tai: ARRGH!

Vader: Are you okay?

Tai seizes Vader and shakes him.

Tai: CAN'T YOU HEAR THE VOICES?!

Producer Vinnie and Director Mike grab Tai and haul him off Vader.

Oh, you are SO gonna get it now!

Tai: Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!

Vader: Jesus! Somebody call the cops!

- - -

Doctor: I'm sorry, sir, but we believe he may have suffered some form of breakdown. He keeps babbling about a voice only he can hear...

Mrs. Kamiya bursts into tears, and Mr. Kamiya hugs her.

Mr. Kamiya: Can we... see him?

Doctor: Of course, of course...

The doctor leads the Kamiyas down a series of halls in the hospital, into a private room... where Tai lies strapped to his bed, struggling.

God, dude, you suck.

Tai: It... won't... STOP!

Mr. Kamiya: God...

Mrs. Kamiya: My poor baby! *sobs*

Doctor: You shouldn't have to see too much of this...

Hesitantly, the Kamiyas leave... and Tai is left alone...

Well, that was fun.

Tai: *tugs his straps* Get... me.... OUT OF HERE!

Sorry, man, I'm just a voice, I don't have any hands.

Tai: ARRGH!

Well, I guess I'll just toddle off now. Later, alligator.

...

Hey, what the hell gives? I can't... get out...?

The doctor returns, and shuts the door behind him.

Doctor: Now, Tai... if you try and keep yourself under control, we can move you to a ward with other people you can talk to. But if you keep making noise, you'll have to stay in this soundproofed room.

Tai: Sound... proofed?

Soundproofed?!

Doctor: Yes, that's right. Not even the sound of your voice, or any other voice, can get out of this room.

Tai grins.

Doctor: See, now, you're smiling again already. That's very good.

Tai: Oh, yes, I think I'm feeling a lot better now...

The doctor leaves, and Tai begins to giggle somewhat insanely.

Heh, now, Tai, ol' buddy, ol' pal....

Tai: It's just you and me now... I'm afraid we're going to be together for a very... long... time...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Tai starts laughing, as the camera zooms in on his mouth, blacking the screen out, until all that can be heard is the laughter... and the screaming.

- - -

Kra-kooom!

Phantomon: Voices... not as much fun as you might think.

Phantomon swirls the last remaining trace of his drink around in its glass.

Phantomon: And so, the night draws to a close... you have survived this terrifying journey... well, most of you, anyway. And what of myself, and my companion?

The D-Reaper jumps onto the table, draped in a little white napkin, with eyeholes cut in it.

D-Reaper: BOO!

Phantomon: Most impressive.

The D-Reaper holds up a little plastic pumpkin pail.

Phantomon: Yes, yes, I'm coming. Just a second. *clears throat* Yes, what of myself, and my companion?

Phantomon sips down the final trickle of his drink, and sets the glass down next to the D-Reaper.

Phantomon: We're goin' out to get ourselves some CANDY!

D-Reaper: CANDYYYY!

Phantomon jumps out of the chair. He pulls out his own pumpkin pail, and gets his scythe out of the closet.

Phantomon: If they don't answer the door, first we TP their houses, and then I reap their immortal souls, okay?

D-Reaper: Glorious CHAOS!

Phantomon: Happy Halloween, kids!

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THE END!

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TRICK OR TREAT!

The Digimon crew get in costume for the holidays! Check out - www.angelfire.com/anime2/digipedia for this new pic!

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What what? No "next time" preview? That's because... I'm blocked. Watch this space - ie: my website - for any details on forthcoming fics. And please don't ask when the Digi-Awards will be, because I *really* should have got them organised at this point, but I haven't... don't you judge me! YOU DON'T KNOW ME!

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