Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon, but the Censors are my characters.
Author's Notes - It's been a while, but my next big fic arc is set to start up. This fic begins the madness, after following on from "Digimon: The... Uh... Movie?" my 20th fic anniversary piece. If you haven't read that, you really should. ;)
This fic is also important in that it introduces the Tamers - Takato, Rika and Henry - into my fic universe. There are also some minor Tamers spoilers in here. Now, without further ado, let's begin...
- - -
“WHERE THERE'S A WILLIS, THERE'S A WAY!”
Prologue to "Take Me To Another World!" - my next story arc is about to begin!
By Chris McFeely
- - -
Somewhere in the Fox Kids building, Willis and Terriermon recuperate from the utter insanity that was "Digimon: The… Uh… Movie…?"
Willis: Sure was nice to get into the spotlight in one of these fics for a while, huh, Terriermon?
Terriermon: Oh, yeah. I mean, I've appeared, what, once before? At least you get to pop up now and again.
Willis: Yeah, but no-one knows my name then… they knew my name in the movie!
Terriermon: That's right, keep telling yourself that.
Willis: Where's Kokomon, anyway?
The floor is suddenly smashed to bits as Kokomon - in Endigomon form - smashes his way through it.
Willis: Stop that.
Endigomon: Go back…
Endigomon: Back the destroy go beginning.
Willis: You wanna get some lunch?
Endigomon: To back go. DESTROY!!
Willis: Yeah, pizza does sound good.
- - -
In the cafeteria… Terriermon picks at his pizza.
Terriermon: Can someone tell me what FOOL decided it would be a good idea to put pineapple on pizzas? It's just not natural.
Endigomon: Go beginning.
Willis: Okay, that's it, joke's OVER.
Endigomon: Aw, you're no fun.
Endigomon belches and De-Digivolves into his Rookie form of Lopmon.
Willis: What the hee-haw are you?
Lopmon: I'm making my first American appearance, you got a problem with that?
Terriermon: It's like looking in some kind of feculence-stained mirror…
Censor Joe (v/o): Hey, Wilbur.
The Censors enter.
Willis: *eye twitches* That's WILLIS.
Censor Bob: Like on that show with the Coleman kid? I love that! Hey… what'chu ta-
Terriermon and Lopmon tackle Bob to the ground and wrap their ears around his mouth.
Censor Joe: Aaanyway… we have someone we'd like you to meet…
Censor Joe beckons, and a figure steps in from the hallway - it's HENRY!
Censor Joe: This is Henry.
Willis: Hey, nice to meet you.
Henry: A thousand blessing on you, and your children, and your children's children.
Willis: Uhm… back at you…
Censor Joe: Henry's going to be in the new series.
Willis: Aw, God, not ANOTHER one!
Censor Joe: Waldo, this is Rika. She's going to be one of the stars of the new series.
Rika: DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT MY MOTHER LIKE THAT!
Rika kicks Willis in the shin.
Rika: YOU DON'T KNOW ME!!
Censor Joe: Wilfred, we'd like you to meet Takato. He'll be coming on board to feature in the new series.
Takato: Oh my Gawd, oh my Gawd, OH MY GAWD! You're WILLIS! YOU WERE IN THE MOVIE!!
Takato drops to the floor.
Takato: I'm not worthy! I'M NOT WORTHY!!
Henry: Wise man once say, "Kick in shin worth two in bush."
Willis: Yeeeah. So, why am I being introduced to these guys, anyway?
Censor Joe: Well, we figured you'd want to get to know them all, so you'd know Terriermon would be in good company.
Willis: …beg pardon?
Censor Joe: You know, because Terriermon's going to be working with these guys from now on? Specifically, Henry here.
Willis: Excuse me?
Terriermon: Back that ass up, buster. What're you talking about?
Censor Joe: Didn't you get the memo?
Willis stares back.
Censor Joe: Steve, there was supposed to be a memo. I can't work with you if you're not going to do these things professionally.
Censor Steve: Yes, Joe. Sorry, Joe.
Censor Joe: A censor can't work under these conditions, Steve. Now, go and stand in the corner and think about what you've done.
Steve slinks off.
Willis: Okay, now, what was that about Terriermon working with these freaks?
Censor Joe: Okay, well, see, the thing is, Henry here has a Terriermon for a partner in the script. But we only have one Terriermon around here…
Willis: No way! Terriermon's my partner! I'm not going to give him up to some new hotshot show-off!
Henry: Every shot may be hot, but that is not to say that everything that is hot is a shot.
Willis: Will you shut up, already?
Censor Joe: Come on, Waldorf, we really need you to do this…
Willis picks up Terriermon, and runs off down the hall.
Lopmon: You'll have to excuse him, he hasn't had his coffee yet.
- - -
Somewhere else in the building…
Izzy: Hmn… I'm registering a disruption of the gravimetric lines of reality…
Charlene: I'M - registering - it - you - mean. And - don't - act - like - you - know - what - those - words - mean. You're - not - fooling - anyone.
Izzy: The disruption seems to be easing off… but it's headed this way…
Willis runs past.
Charlene: Who - the - hell - was - that?
Izzy: Got me.
Censor Joe and Censor Bob jog up. Bob falls over, wheezing and gasping. Joe leans up against the wall.
Censor Joe: Did *wheeze* you *puff* see *gasp* a *choke* little *snort* blonde *sob* kid *gag* run *cough* by *grunt* here?
Izzy: He went that-a-way. *points*
Censor Joe runs off after him, as Bob chokes on his own spit. Henry calmly walks up the hall.
Charlene: Yo - Henroid. What's - shakin'?
Henry: Bad karma.
- - -
Willis: I'm not going to let them take you, Terriermon!
Terriermon: Willis, I'm not your pet, I'm your friend.
Willis: You said that already.
Terriermon: I did? Oh, okay, well… uhm… damn, you wrecked my train of thought.
Willis: It means "take it easy."
Terriermon: I'm gonna have to remember that one…
Willis runs smack into Mummymon.
Mummymon: Watch where you're going, young fellow.
Mummymon: What are you doing here, anyway? You don't work here.
Willis shoves Mummymon aside and keeps running, Terriermon still in his arms.
Mummymon: Tsk, tsk, young people today, always in such a rush…
Censor Joe staggers past. Henry quietly walks along.
Mummymon: Morning, Henry.
Henry: May your bandages remain fresh.
- - -
Lopmon: Okay, now, think… there has to be a way out of this… hmn… I could paint myself cream, and be Terriermon for "Tamers"… oh, but NOOO… there's a Lopmon showing up later in the series, and I'll have to play IT, and TOTALLY throw the original plot the author had for this fic out the window, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, TOEI!!
Lopmon sips his coffee.
Lopmon: Ah, sweet java… I suppose I could just go kick some ass… yeah, I like that. Lopmon, Digivolve to… Endigomon!
Endigomon finishes his coffee, eats the cup, and lumbers off after Willis.
- - -
Censor Joe: We know you're in there! Come out with your hands up!
Joe bangs his fist on the door of a supply cupboard.
Censor Joe: Give us the Terriermon, and you won't get hurt!
Willis (v/o, inside cupboard): NEVER!
Censor Joe: Well, I've done everything I can. Get the battering ram.
Censor Joe: I SAID, get the battering ram!
Censor Steve: I can't, I have to stay in the corner.
Censor Joe: Oh, for the love of… you can come out now!
Censor Steve: Promise you won't get mad?
Censor Joe: I promise… *twitches*
Steve walks out of the corner.
Censor Joe: Now GET ME THE BATTERING RAM!!
Censor Steve: You're yelling! You're mad! You LIED!
Steve runs off crying.
Censor Joe: *puts face in hands* NIMOY!
Jeff Nimoy scuttles in.
Nimoy: You want me to get you the ba- AWK!
Joe picks Nimoy up, and starts battering the door down with him.
Nimoy: *thinking* Why am I still here, anyway? I don't write Tamers…
Nimoy's head smashes through the door.
Censor Joe: Surrender the dograbbit!
Willis: You'll have to kill me first!
Nimoy: Does anyone have any aspirin?
Censor Joe feels a set of hands grab him by the shoulders.
Censor Joe: Bob, this is NOT the time…
Joe is hurled about twenty feet down the hall.
Willis comes out of the closet.
GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER!!
Willis: Thanks, Kokomon!
Endigomon: Try and get the name right, please…
Henry rounds the corner, with Takato and Rika, and their Digimon, Guilmon and Renamon in tow.
Henry: What's in a name?
Willis: You're not getting Terriermon!
Rika: DIE, YANKEE!
Renamon leaps forward, and kicks Endigomon square in the face. He snarls, and reaches for her.
Endigomon: CABLE CRUSHER!
His arm telescopes out and grabs Renamon by the leg, twirling her around and throwing her back down the hall.
Takato: Oh my GOD, did you SEE THAT?! HE USED CABLE CRUSHER! LIKE HE DID IN THE MOVIEEEE!!
Takato screams and jumps up and down on the spot. Guilmon blinks, and then, for no good reason, starts doing the same thing.
Willis: Terriermon, Endigomon can’t hold them off on his own…
Terriermon: Roger that! Terriermon, Digivolve to… GARGOMON!
Gargomon hits the ground and cocks his guns.
Gargomon: Reckon as how I'm gonna make this bitch my bitch, ya bitch! GARGO CANNON!
Gargomon opens fire on Renamon, who deftly leaps between the blasts in a way that those among us who are not quite right in the head would describe as "sexy."
Rika pulls out her Digivice… have we found out if it's D-Arc or D-Power yet? Well, either way, I get to exploit the silliness of Digi-Modification to my heart's content…
Rika: DIGI-MODIFY! GARGOMON!
Rika slashes a Gargomon card, and Renamon gets cannons on her arms, just like Gargomon's. She drops to the floor, and points them at Gargomon, who stops firing. They stand, guns pointing at each other, not moving, each waiting for the other.
Renamon: Draw, you stupid little asswipe.
Gargomon: Ain't no need to get bitchy, bitch.
Endigomon, meanwhile, grapples with Guilmon.
Guilmon: You hairy.
Endigomon: Loreal. Because I'm worth it.
Takato: DIGI-MODIFY! MYOTISMON!
Guilmon gets a mask and a cape, and some boots.
Guilmon: GRIZZLY WING!
Bats swarm around Endigomon, getting stuck in his fur.
Guilmon: *giggling* They have wings. Daaaah.
Endigomon: Yer pissing me off, squawky. Endigomon, Digivolve to… ANTYLAMON!
Antylamon uses an energy pulse to send all the bats spiralling away.
Takato: OH MY GOD! ANTYLMON! YOU DIDN'T GET ENOUGH SCREEN TIME!! AHH!!
Antylamon smacks his forehead.
Guilmon: Takatomon go nappy. Me go nappy too.
Guilmon goes to sleep.
Antylamon: Uhm, right…
Antylamon turns his attention to Renamon and Gargomon, who are still just standing there. He makes a move to grab Renamon, when…
Rika looks up after kicking him in the shin.
Rika: **** OFF AND DIE, YOU BIG ****!
Antylamon: You wont get anywhere with a potty mouth like that, young lady.
Rika flips Antylamon off.
Antylamon flips Rika off. Literally. Off the ground. Rika flies off down the hall.
Gargomon: GARGO CANNON!
Renamon is blasted by Gargomon.
Renamon collapses, and Gargomon and Antylamon De-Digivolve back into Terriermon and Lopmon.
Willis: That'll teach you. Punk kids, coming in and thinking their series is better than ours…
Henry: What goes around comes around.
Willis: God, will you please leave me alone?
Terriermon: Maybe we should hear him out, Willis…
Willis: If I listen to your psychobabble, will you, like, get lost?
Henry: Do YOU think I will?
Henry: Truly, you are like the duck who ate the chocolate éclair and was sick.
Willis: Yeah, well, YOU are like the… uhm… the elephant… who… uh…
Henry: Sat in a pile of his own waste?
Willis: …yeah, that's it. Exactly.
Henry: Indeed, I see your point.
Henry: While I am the elephant, you are the olive branch.
Willis: O… okay…
Terriermon: Y'know, I think I kinda like this guy.
Willis: That's just because you don't understand a word he's saying…
Willis: Don't start that with me, dog-boy.
Henry: May the fruit of the olive branch accompany the elephant, so the branch is no longer an unwell duck?
Willis: *sigh* I guess so.
Willis extends his hand, for Henry to shake.
Izzy and Charlene enter.
Izzy: We seem to have traced the nexus point of the disturbance to this location… the reality-warp effect is strong… ACK! DON'T SHAKE HANDS!!
Henry takes a hold of Willis's hand, and shakes it firmly.
There is an almighty peal of thunder, and reality warps around Henry and Willis. The two judder as shockwaves travel through them, and then, they are frozen in time and space, their faces distorted. Bolts of purple lightning leap from the hands that are holding each other, and the whole hallway flickers, as pulse waves emanate from the two boys, and a roaring wind sweeps down the hall, spreading outward.
Lopmon: *yelling over the roar* WHAT THE FUDGE IS GOING ON?!
Izzy: Charlene is registering a massive corruption of the nuclear and gravimetric lines of force that bind reality together! Charlene, what do we do?!
Charlene: DIEEEEEEEEE!!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!
The ground beneath everyone's feet begins to shake… an effect felt throughout the immediate area…
- - -
Piedmon: Do you feel the earth moving?
Myotismon: I haven't DONE anything yet…
Piedmon: Not THAT!
Myotismon: Oh, yeah…
Bob is thrown up off of the ground where he fell.
Steve runs out of a broom cupboard, where he was having a little cry.
Machinedramon groans and falls to bits.
Mummymon whimpers and hides behind Arukenimon's dress.
Daemon: Who's makin' it their duty to shake my booty?
The DigiDestined and their Digimon look around, trying to find some sort of source of the shaking… and then…
…outside of the Fox Kids building…
…a whole floor of the building - the Digimon recording studio…
- - -
TO BE CONTINUED!
- - -
NEXT: "Take Me To Another World" begins, as we jump in at the deep end, and the Digimon crew find themselves in a strange new world! How did they get there? Why did it happen? What's up with Willis and Henry? Tune in next time to find out the answers to these questions, in:
"TO BOLDY GO WHERE NO MON HAS GONE BEFORE!"
- - -