DISCLAIMER - I don't own Digimon, awright?

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By Chris McFeely

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We start in a studio, with a bunch of cameras pointing inward at nine chairs. One chair is sitting to the side
of the other eight, and the spotlights hit this chair, revealing... me! Chris!

Chris: Hi everyone. Before I begin, I’d like to mention that this is my first Digimon fic. I’ve been throwing
about some ideas for romance stories since reading “Making Pink Lemonade” and “So Far Away...” by
Karei (and I’d also strongly urge you to read them, they’re excellent), but I thought I’d go with this first,
just to make it clear where I stand on the whole Digi-Relationships situation. ^_^ I’m tryin’ to be funny...
really, I am... but this is also what I think of the various suggested relationships.
Onward, then! I’m here with the eight DigiDestined that we all know and love, for a little discussion on life
and love. Hi, everyone.

The lights in the studio go up, illuminating the DigiDestined.

Tai: Hey!

Sora: Hi.

Matt: What’s up?

Mimi: Hi! *giggle*

Izzy: Greetings.

Joe: Hey there.

TK: Hiya!

Kari: Hello.

Chris: Well, kids, we’ll just get straight into it, then. I’m going to run through some of the most popular
relationship suggestions here, and you guys, tell me what you think, huh?

Chris flips through the sheets on his clipboard.

Chris: Ahh, first up, the obvious choice - Taiora.

Tai: Is it really that obvious?

Chris: Well, I think it is. Come on, the two of you guys always hang around together, you’re always happy
to see each other, and c’mon, what about that whole mess with Datamon? Damn, Tai, you were blubbering
like nobody’s business.

Tai: I... uhm, well...

Sora: No comment.

Chris: Ah, come on! Give us the dirt! The readers want to know!

Matt: *interrupting* You never see it, but those two are all over each other! It’s so obvious!

Tai: Ack!

Sora smacks Matt over the back of the head.

Matt: Ow!

Chris: Personally, I believe in Taiora, even if you guys aren’t gonna talk about it. Then again... *leans in
close to Sora* ...if you and this big-haired fuitcake aren’t... y’know... howzabout you and I step out later

Sora slaps Chris upside the mouth.

Chris: *rubs cheek* Ow. Dammit, fantasies shot down in flames. Ho hum. Well, next, I’d like to ask about
Sorato. It’s not exactly a very popular one... what’s the real truth?

Sora and Matt: NOTHING!

They both start babbling.

Sora: ...his dumb looking hair...

Matt: ...her stupid big hat...

Sora: ...trapezoid eyes...

Matt: ...copying my dress sense...

Chris pulls his fingers out of his ears.

Chris: Okay, okay, geez. I can’t see why anyone’d believe in it anyway. There’s about two pieces of flimsy
evidence for it - that fact that Matt didn’t make a joke during that thing when your Crest wouldn’t glow,
Sora, and the thing with the cave during the Dark Masters debacle - but that coulda been anyone.

Matt: I WISH it coulda been anyone else!

Sora: Oh, don’t start that with me again, Ishida!

Matt: Cram it.

Sora: You wanna go? Right here?

Matt: Yer goin’ down, Takenouchi!

Matt and Sora start grappling - there ain’t nothing erotic about it!! Sora slams her knee into the base of his
spine and grabs him in a headlock.

Sora: Who’s yer daddy?

Matt: Gkk... gk...

Sora: I can’t HEAR you!

Matt: Ggk.. you...

Sora releases him.

Sora: And don’t forget it!

They both get back in their seats. Matt winces in pain. Chris peeps out from behind his chair, where he took

Chris: Geez. *sits down again* How do you feel on the issue of Mimato?

Mimi: I don’t know WHERE you fans got this from!

Matt: Yeah! Seriously, in the show, we barely ever talk to each other! We have next to no communication
with each other at all!

Mimi: I’d really like to know where the fans came up with it.

Chris: I’ve always believed it stems from wanting to pair off Matt with someone. But Sora’s taken. *winks
at Tai*

Tai: ...

Sora: Hey!

Chris: Oh, you know it’s true. Leave it out.

Matt: I can see what you mean. *gets up and flexes his biceps* Studly guy like me, all the fangirls want to
make me happy, if you know what I mean. *grin*

Chris: Er... yeah. And Mimi’s the only other available girl.

Matt: Well, we’d both like to say to the readers now that there’s NO evidence for Mimato, so quit pairing us
off all the time!

Mimi: Yeah! Let’s see more Taito!

All: ...

Chris: EW! SICKSICKSICKSICK.... but that does bring me along to the next subject nicely... Taito.

Tai: Are you serious?

Chris: ‘course not. I don’t buy into that love/hate rivalry relationship crap - you guys are straight. But there
are a lot of sick people out there who like to fill out their fantasies in fic form.

Chris looks at Sora longingly. Sora glares at him.

Chris: I AM writing this, you know... I could make you do anything I want.

Tai punches Chris in the face.

Chris: AH! *clutches nose* You little punk! Guess that puts Taiora into perspective, huh?

Tai and Sora glower.

Chris tilts his head back to stop the blood flow and lifts his clipboard into the air, reading off it.

Chris: Well, if Mimato’s not your cup of tea, then who do we pair Mimi off with? Mimi, what are your

Mimi: Well, back when we were fighting Devimon.. *blushes* ...Izzy really turned me on.

Izzy: ...I’m unclear on that concept. Turn on? You mean, like you turn on a computer?

Mimi: *rolls eyes* Then THAT finally sank in. Izzy’s already in a stable relationship with a flat yellow box.

Izzy opens his laptop, and it bleeps.

Laptop: You - better - believe - it - bitch!

Mimi: Can I see that for a second...?

Mimi snatches Izzy’s laptop and hits CTRL-ALT-DEL.

Laptop: Argh! I’ll - be - baaaaackk-!

Mimi tosses the laptop back to Izzy, who frantically taps keys.

Izzy: My love!

Chris shakes his head sadly.

Chris: Depressing. Really. So, anyway, Mimi, if not Izzy, then who?

Mimi grabs Joe’s arm, and hugs him.

Chris: I shoulda known. Joe, what’s your say?

Joe: *adjusts glasses* Well, I’ve really kinda liked Mimi from the very beginning... I just didn’t show it. I
mean, I always tried to impress her and stuff, with the whole bravery act, which really isn’t like me...

Chris: Oh, you mean, like when you tried to break the lock in Myotismon’s castle, or when you told your
brother how you’d try your hardest to... “make sure the sun would rise,” wasn’t it?

Joe: If you pay attention, you can see I was always with Mimi when I said that stuff. Then when she
wouldn’t move on with the rest of the group, I thought... bingo!

Chris: So you hung around. You sly devil, you.

Joe grins sheepishly. Mimi gives him a peck on the cheek.

Chris: Crazy kids. ^_^ Now, let’s move along to our next entry here... Takari.

TK: ...uh, I don’t get it...

Kari: ...yeah, me neither...

Matt: I think maybe they’re too young to understand the concept...

Tai: Yeah... ‘sides, if that little punk lays a hand on my sister, I’ll clobber him!

Matt: Him? What about her? You think I want them together! They could get married... and we’d be

Tai: *shudder*

Chris: Well, even Piedmon noted that there’s something between the two of you little kids.

TK: We’re just friends.

Kari: Really good friends.

Chris: Yeah, sure, that’s what you say now... just wait four years... Kari, a word of advice - pink spandex is
a no-no, unless you want to look like a whore.

Kari: Tai, what’s a whore?

Tai covers Kari’s ears and glares at Chris.

(author’s note - I believe in Takari, it’s just that at age 8, *TK and Kari* wouldn’t believe in it, see? ^_^
They’re still in that “girls/boys are icky” stage)

Chris flips through his sheets some more.

Chris: Hmmn, well, those are the most popular relationships... let’s look at some of the others. Michi?

Tai falls out of his seat laughing.

Chris: Ho-kaaay... Jyoushiro?

Izzy’s laptop bleeps back to life.

Laptop: If - that - manwhore - touches - my - baby - I’ll - kill - him!

Joe: Don’t worry. That one’s just sick.

Chris: Ooh, how about Mira?

Sora slaps Chris yet again. Mimi follows it up with a kick to his sensitive area.

Chris: *squeak* Take that as a no, then... *riffles through sheets* ...there are a lot more I could list, but
they’re just beyond the realm of possibility, and aren’t popular in the slightest, just the product of twisted
minds. I mean, you actually do get Taito, Sorato, Michi, Jyoushiro and Mira fics... even though they’re
never gonna happen really if people are being true to the characters... but these others are like things that are
inhuman. Just be glad I didn’t start talking about the sick stuff where you guys get it on with the Digimon...


Chris: You said it. Say g’night, everybody.

Tai: G’night, everybody.

Chris: Everyone’s a comedian...

Sora: Shut yer trap.

Chris: LOVE ME!

Matt: Down with Mimato! I want to be single! I’m not gay!

Chris: Just misunderstood. ^_^

Mimi: Erhm... no nukes! Ban the bomb!

Chris: ...

Mimi: I saw it on a TV show once...

Izzy: Pineapple Mac! More than just a computer!

There’s a cash register noise, and a hand reaches in, handing Izzy a wad of money.

Chris: Hey! No advertising!

Izzy: I’m sorry. Guess I can’t tell you about Pineapple Mac’s amazing DVD capabilities, then.

Ka-Ching! Another wad of money is handed to Izzy.

Joe: Big shout out to all my fans!

Chris: You know who you are.

TK: Bye everyone!

Kari: What’s a whore, Tai?



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I wrote it in under an hour... of course it sucked! But please R&R anyway!! Also, I understand some of you wont agree with my comments - even though they are the most logical pairings that are hinted at the most in the entire series, despite what viewer/reader personal preference may dictate - but NO FLAMES, PLEASE!