DISCLAIMER - I don't own Digimon, awright?
- - -
WHATS *WRONG* WITH YOU PEOPLE?!
By Chris McFeely
- - -
We start in a studio, with a bunch of cameras pointing inward at nine chairs. One chair is sitting to the side
of the other eight, and the spotlights hit this chair, revealing... me! Chris!
Chris: Hi everyone. Before I begin, Id like to mention that this is my first Digimon fic. Ive been throwing
about some ideas for romance stories since reading Making Pink Lemonade and So Far Away... by
Karei (and Id also strongly urge you to read them, theyre excellent), but I thought Id go with this first,
just to make it clear where I stand on the whole Digi-Relationships situation. ^_^ Im tryin to be funny...
really, I am... but this is also what I think of the various suggested relationships.
Onward, then! Im here with the eight DigiDestined that we all know and love, for a little discussion on life
and love. Hi, everyone.
The lights in the studio go up, illuminating the DigiDestined.
Matt: Whats up?
Mimi: Hi! *giggle*
Joe: Hey there.
Chris: Well, kids, well just get straight into it, then. Im going to run through some of the most popular
relationship suggestions here, and you guys, tell me what you think, huh?
Chris flips through the sheets on his clipboard.
Chris: Ahh, first up, the obvious choice - Taiora.
Tai: Is it really that obvious?
Chris: Well, I think it is. Come on, the two of you guys always hang around together, youre always happy
to see each other, and cmon, what about that whole mess with Datamon? Damn, Tai, you were blubbering
like nobodys business.
Tai: I... uhm, well...
Sora: No comment.
Chris: Ah, come on! Give us the dirt! The readers want to know!
Matt: *interrupting* You never see it, but those two are all over each other! Its so obvious!
Sora smacks Matt over the back of the head.
Chris: Personally, I believe in Taiora, even if you guys arent gonna talk about it. Then again... *leans in
close to Sora* ...if you and this big-haired fuitcake arent... yknow... howzabout you and I step out later
Sora slaps Chris upside the mouth.
Chris: *rubs cheek* Ow. Dammit, fantasies shot down in flames. Ho hum. Well, next, Id like to ask about
Sorato. Its not exactly a very popular one... whats the real truth?
Sora and Matt: NOTHING!
They both start babbling.
Sora: ...his dumb looking hair...
Matt: ...her stupid big hat...
Sora: ...trapezoid eyes...
Matt: ...copying my dress sense...
Chris pulls his fingers out of his ears.
Chris: Okay, okay, geez. I cant see why anyoned believe in it anyway. Theres about two pieces of flimsy
evidence for it - that fact that Matt didnt make a joke during that thing when your Crest wouldnt glow,
Sora, and the thing with the cave during the Dark Masters debacle - but that coulda been anyone.
Matt: I WISH it coulda been anyone else!
Sora: Oh, dont start that with me again, Ishida!
Matt: Cram it.
Sora: You wanna go? Right here?
Matt: Yer goin down, Takenouchi!
Matt and Sora start grappling - there aint nothing erotic about it!! Sora slams her knee into the base of his
spine and grabs him in a headlock.
Sora: Whos yer daddy?
Matt: Gkk... gk...
Sora: I cant HEAR you!
Matt: Ggk.. you...
Sora releases him.
Sora: And dont forget it!
They both get back in their seats. Matt winces in pain. Chris peeps out from behind his chair, where he took
Chris: Geez. *sits down again* How do you feel on the issue of Mimato?
Mimi: I dont know WHERE you fans got this from!
Matt: Yeah! Seriously, in the show, we barely ever talk to each other! We have next to no communication
with each other at all!
Mimi: Id really like to know where the fans came up with it.
Chris: Ive always believed it stems from wanting to pair off Matt with someone. But Soras taken. *winks
Chris: Oh, you know its true. Leave it out.
Matt: I can see what you mean. *gets up and flexes his biceps* Studly guy like me, all the fangirls want to
make me happy, if you know what I mean. *grin*
Chris: Er... yeah. And Mimis the only other available girl.
Matt: Well, wed both like to say to the readers now that theres NO evidence for Mimato, so quit pairing us
off all the time!
Mimi: Yeah! Lets see more Taito!
Chris: EW! SICKSICKSICKSICK.... but that does bring me along to the next subject nicely... Taito.
Tai: Are you serious?
Chris: course not. I dont buy into that love/hate rivalry relationship crap - you guys are straight. But there
are a lot of sick people out there who like to fill out their fantasies in fic form.
Chris looks at Sora longingly. Sora glares at him.
Chris: I AM writing this, you know... I could make you do anything I want.
Tai punches Chris in the face.
Chris: AH! *clutches nose* You little punk! Guess that puts Taiora into perspective, huh?
Tai and Sora glower.
Chris tilts his head back to stop the blood flow and lifts his clipboard into the air, reading off it.
Chris: Well, if Mimatos not your cup of tea, then who do we pair Mimi off with? Mimi, what are your
Mimi: Well, back when we were fighting Devimon.. *blushes* ...Izzy really turned me on.
Izzy: ...Im unclear on that concept. Turn on? You mean, like you turn on a computer?
Mimi: *rolls eyes* Then THAT finally sank in. Izzys already in a stable relationship with a flat yellow box.
Izzy opens his laptop, and it bleeps.
Laptop: You - better - believe - it - bitch!
Mimi: Can I see that for a second...?
Mimi snatches Izzys laptop and hits CTRL-ALT-DEL.
Laptop: Argh! Ill - be - baaaaackk-!
Mimi tosses the laptop back to Izzy, who frantically taps keys.
Izzy: My love!
Chris shakes his head sadly.
Chris: Depressing. Really. So, anyway, Mimi, if not Izzy, then who?
Mimi grabs Joes arm, and hugs him.
Chris: I shoulda known. Joe, whats your say?
Joe: *adjusts glasses* Well, Ive really kinda liked Mimi from the very beginning... I just didnt show it. I
mean, I always tried to impress her and stuff, with the whole bravery act, which really isnt like me...
Chris: Oh, you mean, like when you tried to break the lock in Myotismons castle, or when you told your
brother how youd try your hardest to... make sure the sun would rise, wasnt it?
Joe: If you pay attention, you can see I was always with Mimi when I said that stuff. Then when she
wouldnt move on with the rest of the group, I thought... bingo!
Chris: So you hung around. You sly devil, you.
Joe grins sheepishly. Mimi gives him a peck on the cheek.
Chris: Crazy kids. ^_^ Now, lets move along to our next entry here... Takari.
TK: ...uh, I dont get it...
Kari: ...yeah, me neither...
Matt: I think maybe theyre too young to understand the concept...
Tai: Yeah... sides, if that little punk lays a hand on my sister, Ill clobber him!
Matt: Him? What about her? You think I want them together! They could get married... and wed be
Chris: Well, even Piedmon noted that theres something between the two of you little kids.
TK: Were just friends.
Kari: Really good friends.
Chris: Yeah, sure, thats what you say now... just wait four years... Kari, a word of advice - pink spandex is
a no-no, unless you want to look like a whore.
Kari: Tai, whats a whore?
Tai covers Karis ears and glares at Chris.
(authors note - I believe in Takari, its just that at age 8, *TK and Kari* wouldnt believe in it, see? ^_^
Theyre still in that girls/boys are icky stage)
Chris flips through his sheets some more.
Chris: Hmmn, well, those are the most popular relationships... lets look at some of the others. Michi?
Tai falls out of his seat laughing.
Chris: Ho-kaaay... Jyoushiro?
Izzys laptop bleeps back to life.
Laptop: If - that - manwhore - touches - my - baby - Ill - kill - him!
Joe: Dont worry. That ones just sick.
Chris: Ooh, how about Mira?
Sora slaps Chris yet again. Mimi follows it up with a kick to his sensitive area.
Chris: *squeak* Take that as a no, then... *riffles through sheets* ...there are a lot more I could list, but
theyre just beyond the realm of possibility, and arent popular in the slightest, just the product of twisted
minds. I mean, you actually do get Taito, Sorato, Michi, Jyoushiro and Mira fics... even though theyre
never gonna happen really if people are being true to the characters... but these others are like things that are
inhuman. Just be glad I didnt start talking about the sick stuff where you guys get it on with the Digimon...
Chris: You said it. Say gnight, everybody.
Tai: Gnight, everybody.
Chris: Everyones a comedian...
Sora: Shut yer trap.
Chris: LOVE ME!
Matt: Down with Mimato! I want to be single! Im not gay!
Chris: Just misunderstood. ^_^
Mimi: Erhm... no nukes! Ban the bomb!
Mimi: I saw it on a TV show once...
Izzy: Pineapple Mac! More than just a computer!
Theres a cash register noise, and a hand reaches in, handing Izzy a wad of money.
Chris: Hey! No advertising!
Izzy: Im sorry. Guess I cant tell you about Pineapple Macs amazing DVD capabilities, then.
Ka-Ching! Another wad of money is handed to Izzy.
Joe: Big shout out to all my fans!
Chris: You know who you are.
TK: Bye everyone!
Kari: Whats a whore, Tai?
- - -
I wrote it in under an hour... of course it sucked! But please R&R anyway!! Also, I understand some of you wont agree with my comments - even though they are the most logical pairings that are hinted at the most in the entire series, despite what viewer/reader personal preference may dictate - but NO FLAMES, PLEASE!