Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon, but many of the characters
you see in this fic were created by me.
Attention new readers! If ever there was a great place to jump in with my fic series, this is it! Get up to speed on all my original characters and past plotlines in minutes!
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SON OF SECRET FILES AND DIGI-ORIGINS
By Chris McFeely
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We open on a darkened room - evidently an office of some kind, empty save for three desks, each with a computer on them. All it calm and quiet...
...until a large, fat foot kicks the door open. It swings inward, bashing off the wall, and light streams in. The light is then blocked by the bulk of Censor Joe, who is struggling with a cardboard box. He staggers into the room, followed by Bob and Steve, who are also carrying boxes of their own.
Joe sets his box down on the first desk, and opens the shades on the windows, filling the room with sunlight. He then sets about taking photos, books, stationary, the occasional action figure and other personal effects out of it, and arranging them on his desk. Bob and Steve do the same with their own desks.
Censor Joe: Boy, these Disney ABC guys sure do give you a lot more office space, huh?
Censor Bob: No doubt. We're lucky that we got to move over with the rest of the Digimon staff when they took over Saban.
Censor Steve: It's a pity, though, that the Grand High Exalted CEO Vader got the sack... but he was the CEO of FOX Kids, not Saban, and good ol' FK doesn't exist any more.
Censor Joe: Indeed.
All three Censors move around and wink at the camera in unison.
Joe sets his empty box aside.
Censor Joe: Well, we've moved in, boys. What's our first job as Mouseketeers?
Bob fishes around in his box and pulls out a list.
Censor Bob: Let's see, here... set up new office... ah! We have to update the company records archive.
Censor Steve: Mercy... so much has happened in the last year or so...
Censor Joe: *cracks his knuckles* Let's get busy.
Joe sits down in his chair, which groans noisily, and boots up his computer. He logs in, and opens the archive.
Censor Steve: Who should we start with?
Censor Bob: I think that's fairly obvious.
Censor Joe: Sure is. Popularity wins out every time...
Joe leans over, and starts to type.
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Joe sags backwards and massages his wrists.
Censor Joe: *whines* That was sooo looong... is it time to stop for a snack yet?
Censor Bob: Good idea. Steve, go get something.
Censor Steve: Why me?
Bob flicks Steve's ear.
Censor Steve: Hey, cut that out!
Bob flicks him again.
Censor Steve: Ah! Okay, okay, I'm going!
Steve grumbles and walks out the door, towards the cafeteria.
Censor Steve: Rassin' frassin'... hate bein' the youngest...
Censor Joe: So... hungry... can't... type...
Censor Bob: Move over, then. It's you next.
Bob sits down.
Censor Joe: Don't forget to mention my rugged good looks and sparkling personality.
Censor Bob: Nah, I think I'll tell the truth instead...
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CENSOR JOE PROFILE
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Censor Joe: What is this Yolei thing, seriously?
Censor Bob: You don't have to hide it, Joe, man.
Censor Joe: HIDE WHAT?
Censor Bob: You're in denial so bad.
Censor Joe: Shut up.
Censor Bob: Heh. Now, let's see, it's my turn... *types* "Censor Bob is heroic, brave and fearless..."
Censor Joe: Oh, hell no.
Joe shoves Bob out of the seat, and sits down in his place.
Censor Joe: Howzabout some of that truth you were talkin' about?
Censor Bob: Uhmm...
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CENSOR BOB PROFILE
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Censor Bob: The truth is... so... dirty... *sniffle*
Censor Joe: Suck it up. Now, where's Steve?
Steve chooses that moment to walk back into the room, carrying a tray laden with assorted spicy, greasy and cheesy foods.
Censor Joe: FOOOOOD!
Joe and Bob seize the tray and set upon it.
Censor Steve: Hey, can I get some of -
Bob points at the computer with a taco.
Censor Bob: Update your entry.
Censor Steve: *sigh*
Steve sits himself down in the chair, and starts typing.
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CENSOR STEVE PROFILE
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Steve turns around in his seat, as Joe and Bob belch and toss the empty tray away.
Censor Steve: And this is my life...
Censor Bob: Huh?
Censor Steve: Nothin'.
Censor Joe: Well, that's us covered. Who's next?
Steve cycles down through the archive.
Censor Steve: Something happened with Nimoy recently, didn't it...?
Censor Bob: Oh, yeah... not quite, but I know what you mean. Here, move over.
Steve lets Bob sit in the chair again.
Censor Joe: Ah, good ol' Nimoy. What's he at now, anyway?
Censor Bob: We're not at liberty to continue this line of conversation.
Bob starts to type.
THE FOX KIDS FANTOM PROFILE
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Censor Joe: Wait, wait, so, there were two of them?
Censor Steve: Guess so.
Censor Bob: Not sure who this other guy was, though... reminds me of that show with the Coleman kid.
Censor Steve: Oh, you mean that whole thing, what was it...
Censor Joe: "What'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
There's silence for a moment, as the faint ringing tones of a distant screaming noise can be heard.
Censor Steve: Whaddaya suppose that was?
Bob and Joe shrug.
Censor Bob: Let's see, let's see... next entry...
Bob scrolls through the archive.
Censor Joe: Ah, there it is! *points*
Censor Bob: I don't remember much of that.
Censor Joe: Well, you wouldn't, you were a cantaloupe for most of it.
Bob and Joe swap places, and Joe starts typing.
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Bob licks his lips.
Censor Bob: I could sure go for some cantaloupe right about now.
Censor Steve: *looks at the empty tray* I could go for some ANYTHING...
Censor Joe: This is the last one, Steve, you type it. We've been doing all the work. Lazy bum.
Censor Steve: *mutters something under his breath*
Censor Joe: What was that?
Censor Steve: I certainly didn't call you a bone-idle bucket of lard, if that's what you were thinking.
Steve sits and starts to type.
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Censor Bob: Aaaand, we're done!
Censor Joe: Faboo. What now?
Steve goes over to Bob's desk and picks up his list. He ticks off the archive task, and reads the nest one down.
Censor Steve: "Handle fan/viewer/reader correspondance and queries."
Censor Joe: Bunch of whining ingrates... I swear, if there's one more mail about the movie... just ONE MORE...
Joe sits back down and logs into the e-mail.
Censor Bob: You sure do get a lot of spam from dating services.
Censor Joe: Yes. Yes I do. Spam. I don't sign up for it, no sir.
The Censors look over the list of new e-mails.
Censor Steve: Try that one... "I have a question."
Censor Joe: They always do...
Joe opens the mail. It reads:
When reading the stories about your adventures, as written by Mr. McFeely, I'm a bit confused. Did all the Digimon adventures in the cartoon really happen, or are the characters all just actors? Sometimes it seems like both.
The Censors look at each other.
Censor Bob: Sounds like fourth-wall-breaker to me.
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Somewhere on the other side of the fourth wall, someone is working on their computer... well, would you look at that. It's me! Chris!
Chris: Hmn, mail from the Censors...
Chris opens the mail and reads it.
Chris: Ah, this one again.
Chris types his reply.
You're right, it IS confusing - sometimes I'm not even sure myself. But basically, my answer to the question is this: Yes, everything you see in the cartoon DID happen. And now, the characters are acting it out again, for an English audience. So it's a case of both - it did happen, and they are actors. It gives me more freedom, because they can be actors one minute and be having an actual adventure the next. Plus it means I can get the Tamers in there without too much hassle.
As the mail is sent, another arrives.
Chris: Oy... looks like they're fobbing their mail off on me again... let's see here...
"What's up with Daemon and his corps? Why do they act the way they do?"
Chris: Hmn... *types*
There's a little story behind this. Before Daemon appeared in the US cartoon, everyone thought he would be "Creepymon," as that's the name Bandai of America calls him. My brother and I were joking about what the Corps would be called - I said "the Creepy Corps," he said "the Creepy Crew," then I, in an odd moment, said "DA Creepy Crew" - and so was born the image of the Corps as a hardcore gang of street punks. The set up was perfect - a leader, two heavies, and a "beeatch." I could see it in my head. Then, of course, it turned out that he was named "Daemon" - but I'd fallen in love with the idea, and simply had to use it. Over time, Daemon and his homies have become some of my favourite characters to write. In my eyes, if nobody else's, they've become a satire of the portrayal of African-Americans in the media.
Chris: Ah, satire... the way to get away with *anything!*
Chris: What, another one?
"What was your inspiration for Charlene?"
Well, first off, Charlene was never intended to be such a "big" character. She was a joke I created off the top of my head in my very first fic (just about everything else in that fic is out-of-date now and no longer matches up with my current beliefs on the Digiverse, mind you). When the laptop won an award during the first Digi-Awards, I saw an opportunity to do another gag with it. I don't know why I 'killed' it then - I just did. Then, when I brought her back at Christmas, she just wouldn't go away. I'm amazed that she's so popular - she certainly ranks among the most popular fan-created Digimon characters that I've ever seen.
As for inspiration... well, first, I've just always liked the idea of talking computers. As her personality evolved, I was inspired by MAL, Doctor Blight's acerbic talking computer from the animated series, "Captain Planet and the Planeteers," who in himself was a parody of HAL, the computer from "2001: A Space Odyssey." Charlene's bitchiness quotient is a lot higher than MAL's ever was, mind you - there's very little of him actually in her now, she's rightly become a character unto herself. Charlene writes herself a lot of the time now; she just comes so naturally to me. Her "opinionated female" personality was in no way a deliberate attempt to make her appeal to female readers, although it appears to have worked out that way.
Charlene is definitely named in homage to someone. I know that when I was thinking of names, I thought of someone named "Charlene," and then thought, "Yeah, I like that, I'll name her after her!" The problem is, since then, I've never been able to remember who the person that I thought of was.
Incidentally, she is in no way connected to the character of Dizzi from "Beyblade." Several have noted the similarities between the characters - I've no idea when Beyblade was made in Japan, but I know that I conceived Charlene long before I'd ever even heard of it.
Chris: Deep, dark secrets... yes, I *watched* Captain Planet.
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Back on the other side of The Wall...
Censor Bob: How many of these do you think we can get him to do for us?
Censor Joe: Oh! Not this one - it's from the boss...
Bob & Steve: Oooooh...
Joe opens the mail.
We have come to the decision to create a subdivision of our company to handle the production of Digimon and other similar products. This subdivision will be named "Sensation Animation." We require an experienced individual to act as the head of this department, and, after much deliberation, based on the glowing reports from cast members, crew workers and yourselves, have selected your previous employer, Mr. Herbert Vaderinski, to be that individual. We request that you contact him, and bring him to our offices, so he may be instated.
Censor Joe: Fieldwork time!
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Somewhere... in a dingy apartment littered with garbage... a TV flickers with static in the corner... and Former CEO Vader, sans his armour, lies in a reclining chair and sucks on a beer bottle, drunkenly singing a sad song to himself.
Vader: Shooby-dooby... hic! ...doo wop-wop... my name is... *sniff* ... my name is... *sniff* is... WAAAAAAAAA!!
Vader tearfully curls up into a ball on his chair... when his front door is suddenly kicked in by a familiar, fat foot. The Censors troop in.
Censor Joe: Good news, sir!
Censor Steve: We're working together again!
Vader screams and covers his face with his hands.
Vader: You must not see me... without... my mask!
Vader scrabbles around in the garbage littering the floor, and pulls out a paper bag, which he yanks over his head.
Censor Bob: Sober up, sir! It's time to go to work!
The Censors all grab Vader and carry him out on their shoulders.
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And before you know it...
In the office next to the Censors', Steve supervises as The Agumon Janitor (remember him, anyone?) paints the walls black. Some more Agumon help Bob to set up Vader's viewscreens, as others still assembled his dais in the centre of the room. Joe unhelpfully sits on the dais, and types on his laptop.
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CEO VADER PROFILE
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The door on the far side of the room hisses open, and Vader, once again clad in his armour, enters on his hover-throne. Joe stands up as the throne comes to rest on the dais. Vader looks down at one of his gloved hands, and flexes his fingers.
Vader: It is... good... to be back.
Censor Joe: Good to HAVE you back, sir!
Joe snaps his laptop shut, as Bob throws the power switch, and Vader's viewscreens all turn on. Steve shuts the shades, leaving the room darkened, lit only by the screens. He then gets in front of the group, and sets up a camera.
Steve: Picture of the first day on the job! Get ready!
Bob and Joe position themselves in front of Vader. Steve sets the timer and runs over, getting into place.
Steve: Say cheese-filled!
Censor Bob: And now... it's onward!
Censor Steve: Season four beckons!
Censor Joe: I love you guys!
Vader: That's our Joe!
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Coming at the end of this month... it's Halloween special time! Chills abound in:
"McFEELY'S MANSION OF THE MACABRE"
Gird your loins as Phantomon takes you on a terrifying journey into the bowels of digital horror, with a trio of traumatising tales guaranteed to spook the pants offa ya! Seriously. I mean it. Really. They're scary. Seriously.
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