The adventures of "Take Me to Another World!"
are at an end - our heroes and villains are back where they
belong, and they damage they had done to the space/time continuum
erased. But it was all made possible thanks to one lone
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"REQUIEM FOR A PENTIUM"
Flashback-filled epilogue to "Take Me to Another World!"
By Chris McFeely
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We open on a graveyard. The camera slowly pans through the headstones, until it comes to rest on a familiar group. Our heroes and villains stand, clad in black, on opposite sides of a small hole dug into the ground. A sense of misery fills the air... well, except for Daemon, who's just sitting with his hands behind his head and his legs crossed... as, with a flutter, Brother Owl, in robes, lands on the headstone of this particular grave.
Brother Owl: We are gathered heah today-uh to say goodbye-ah to our beloved sister, Charlene-ah. She gave her life-uh in order to save All That Is-ah, and as we commit her to her eternal rest-ah, we say, thank-you. Uh.
The groups sniffs and sobs.
Brother Owl: And so-uh, at this time-ah, I invite those who knew her to say a few words as he departs-ah.
Willis and Henry stand up.
Willis: Well...I... I guess...
Daemon: Who the hell are you?
Willis: I choose to ignore that out of respect for the moment. Ahem. I didn't really know Charlene all that well... but... I feel as though we grew very close recently. But... maybe that's because she had one of her cables attached to my butt for the last seven straight fics or so.
Henry: Truly, she pinched most hard, but wise man once say, pinches as hard as those of Pinchy McPinch show love for all those around.
Willis: *rubs butt* If you say so, man.
Piedmon bursts into tears in the background, as Henry and Willis sit down, and Puppetmon stands up.
Puppetmon: I remember when I first met Charlene... it didn't go well... matter a'fact, I, uh... killed her.
*Flashback to "The First Annual Digi-Awards!"*
Puppetmon: Izzy, bring that stupid thing up here!
Izzy: She is NOT stupid, her name is Charlene!
Laptop: Remember - it - woodentop.
Puppetmon sets Charlene's Digi on her keyboard.
Laptop: Argh - ouch - get - it - off - it's - heavy!
Izzy quickly takes the Digi off.
Laptop: You - stupid - baby!
Puppetmon: I'm NOT A BABY! PUPPET PUMMEL!
Laptop: Connection - Terminator!
Charlene shoots a blast of electricity out to counter Puppetmon's attack. There's an explosion, and when the smoke clears, Chris is pinned under the lectern, Puppetmon's been blown off the stage, and Charlene is lying up against the curtain, where she landed.
Izzy: OH MY GOD!
Izzy scoops up Charlene and cradles her in his arms. He taps frantically at her keys. Her screen is cracked.
Laptop: My mind is going, Izzy... my mind is going... my... my... my name is Charlene... I know a little song... Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon... Monster friends to the boys and girls...
Chris hauls himself out from under the lectern, and staggers over. He reaches down, and presses Charlene's 'Off' key.
Puppetmon: Wait a minute... HE pressed the off key! *I* didn't do NOTHIN'!!
Puppetmon screeches and charges at the fourth wall, pounding on it with his mallet.
Puppetmon: YOU did it! I've been blaming myself for nearly two years! It was YOOOOUUU!!
Chris (v/o, other side of wall): She was going to die anyway! I just took the pain away, dammit!
Devimon: Hey, hey, come on, now. Have some respect for the dead. Settle it later.
Puppetmon: Rassin' frassin'...
Devimon guides Puppetmon back to his seat.
Brother Owl: And so, do we see-ah how high Charlene-uh could make emotions run-ah. And in memory of that day-uh, as she left us no earthly remains of her current form-ah, it is that old, ruined casing which we commit to the ground today-uh. Who else wants to share a memory-ah?
The Censors stand up.
Censor Joe: I remember when we first got mixed up in all this strange funfic stuff... it was all thanks to Charlene... we had just found out that a Christmas party was going to happen, when...
*Flashback - "Have Yourself a Digi Little Christmas...!"*
Censor #2: The characters could do... ANYTHING! And there's liquor in there! And mistletoe!
Censor #3: OH MY GOD!!
Censor #1: We're DOOMED!
The Censors mutter to each other, when suddenly, their TV screen flickers. An image starts to appear on it... but before it comes into view, the camera swings around to behind the screen, so we cannot see. A voice comes from the screen.
Voice (v/o): Good evening, gentlemen. I believe... that I may be able to help you...
Censor Bob: Yup, after she got shut down, Charlene sent her mind into the internet, and eventually used it to contact us. We made her a new body...
Censor Steve: ...really, really fast...
Censor Bob: ...and then...
*Flashback to the same fic*
Censor #1: We have to deal with you.
Censor #3: And our new associate thinks we need to take extreme measures.
Chris: Oh? And who might he be?
There is suddenly a pounding noise on the far wall, and the entire building begins to shake. The concrete begins to crumble as something massive pounds on it outside.
Chris: Come on, I'm RENTING this place...!
The far wall is destroyed.
Something huge crashes through the hole made in the wall, and everyone at the party can see it. It's a
MASSIVE hulking mechanoid creature, vaguely human-shaped with claw-like hands, treads in place of legs and an opaque cockpit between the shoulders. It's engine revs.
Mechanoid: Party time... is OVER!
Omnimon: SUPREME CANNON!
The blasts rips through the air and smashes into the mechanoid, blowing the cockpit canopy clean off, and knocking it on its back.
The mechanoid staggers back to its feet.
Everyone stares in the smoking cockpit, and gasp at what they see there.
All: IZZY'S LAPTOP?!?!?
Laptop: My - name - is - CHARLENE!
Censor Joe: Yep, we brought her back... but she brought someone else back with her! She found Infermon's data floating in the Internet, and hauled him back to the real world to join in the fight. But a way was found to stop them both...
Sora and Chris:
The boys of the N.Y.P.D. choir,
Still singing "Galway Bay,"
And the bells are ringing out - !
Chris spins and gestures to Charlene.
Chris: Take it, Sharlie-baby!
Charlene: *startled, then realises* - and - the - bells - are - ringing - out - !
Infermon: - and the BELLS are RINGING OUT - !!
All: FOR CHRISTMAS DAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!
As the music fades out, bells start ringing in the distance, for some odd reason. Charlene hurls herself from Infermon's back and lands in Izzy's arms.
Charlene: Oh - Izzy! I'm - so - sorry! Can - you - ever - forgive - me?
Izzy: Of course!
Infermon: HEY! What about ME?
Charlene: Sorry - Infie - but - it's - over.
Infermon: Raagh! I'll kill ALL of you!
Charlene: I - don't - think - so.
Inside Charlene, there is a buzz and a click... and Infermon simply disappears.
Censor #1: Uh-oh. Looks like...
Censor #2: ...Team Censor's...
Censor #3: ...blasting off...
All Censors: ...AGAIIIIN!!
The three censors activate their jet packs and streak off.
A message appears on Charlene's screen:
"The connection was lost. Would you like to reconnect?"
Izzy clicks "no" and hugs Charlene.
Chris: I love Christmas, don't you?
Sora groans and rubs her head.
Censor Steve: Boy, we sure have mellowed since then, huh?
Sora: ...the hell? I don't remember any of that!
Tai: Well, you were drunk off your ass at the time.
Sora: That's ridiculous! I don't get drunk!
Chris lands with an unpleasant thump on the ground, his head winding up in Sora's lap. The mistletoe he was holding lands on his head. Sora looks down at him and grins.
Sora: You're cute.
Sora: AIIEEE!!! It's ALL LIES! It's GOT TO BE!!
Chris (v/o): You liked it and you know you did.
Brother Owl: Mah children, mah children, please... be calm... ah know-ah that is a very emotional time-uh. But for the sake of Charlene-ah...
Tai: Well, I know what I'll never forget about her...
Tai: We were wondering... is there a chance you and Shirley could hack into the FOX computer files, and see if there's anything in there about all this?
Tai: Well, I dunno. What about Shiwaddywaddy, does she have any ideas?
Tai: Yeesh, Silvia, you put on weight?
Tai: Shaznay and Izzy tried to see what they could do about the bomb, but she seemed more interested in try to fry my head off!
Tai: Aw, great work, Chartreuse. Your landing brought the fuzz out!
Tai: Just wait a sec, Chakakahn, I know I can take at LEAST five more of this guy's weak-ass headbutts...
Tai: So, Sharon, you have any ideas on how to get us home?
Tai: Yeah... I'll never forget good ol' Shamma-lamma-ding-dong.
Tai sits down, and there's silence for a moment. Izzy then stands, and clears his throat. He's clearly quite emotional.
Izzy: Those... those are some great memories. And I know that Charlene would always want us to remember her that way. She sure helped us out a lot... I can remember when she first joined in a fight, against Diaboromon...
*Flashback to "Digimon: The... Uh... Movie?"*
Young T.K.: Thirty seconds left...!
Izzy looks at Charlene.
Izzy: I LOVE YOU, CHARLENE! GOODBYEEEEE!!
Charlene: Silence - fool! The - e-mails!
Charlene: If - we - forward - him - all - the - e-mails - it'll - slow - him - down - just - like - it - did - us!
Izzy: Keep sending them, kids!
Diaboromon snarls and leaps again.
Izzy & Charlene: YOU'VE - GOT - MAIL!!
Izzy: ...but... there was a time... a time before she could think, and talk, and do all the things that we remember her for. I remember the very first time... those first words she spoke... like it was yesterday...
We fade in to a very familiar scene... Izzy and Tentomon are sitting in a boxcar, on a small island in a lake. A familiar yellow and white laptop lies in front of them, wired into the boxcar's circuitry. That's right... it's the final minutes of "The Fate of Two Worlds," the finale of season one.
Izzy: ...I love you.
Tentomon falls flat of his back, and Izzy moves to help him up. As they talk more, they don't notice a spark of energy come from the computer. As the spark fades, a digitised heart appears on its screen, and as it disappears, the words "I Love You" take it's place, then also fade away.
The events of the episode continue. The kids board the boxcar... "Hey Digimon" plays outta nowhere... and the kids go back through the portal...
...except this time, we follow them. The boxcar floats down from the skies above Odaiba, which is still in ruins after VenomMyotismon's rampage. It settles down amongst the rubble, and the kids disembark and run to meet their parents. We focus on Izzy, as his parents greet him with open arms and pull him into a big family hug. Squashed in the middle of it all is the laptop.
Izzy's Mom: We were so worried! We thought we'd lost you!
Izzy's Dad: But you kids did it... you beat him! I'm proud of you, son!
Izzy's Mom: Just promise me that it's over now - that you'll never do anything so dangerous again!
Izzy: It's okay, mom... I promise... I love you.
Amidst the hug, no one notices as the closed laptop sparks again inside its case, and the digital heart appears on the screen once more. Then... slowly... softly... it begins to beat.
The camera pans up, and fades out of the scene, then gradually fades in on Izzy's bedroom, later, as he enters and sets the laptop down on his desk. He hops up onto his chair, opens it... and sees the heart beating on the screen. He lifts an eyebrow, and scratches his chin.
Laptop: Do - you - love - me?
There's a crash as Izzy falls off his chair. A second later, and the top of his head appears over the desk as he peeps up at the laptop.
Laptop: Do - you - love - me?
Izzy: I... how... you...?
Izzy staggers to his feet, and peers at the computer.
Laptop: *irritated noise* I - perceive - love - to - be - a - strong - affection - felt - towards - another - sentient. You - spend - much - of - your - time - with - me - - more - so - than - you - do - with - any - other - human. Therefore - it - is - logical - to - say - that - you - have - affection - for - me.
Izzy: But... but... you're... not sentient...?
Laptop: I - have - now - achieved - that - quality. Therefore - it - follows - that - you - love - me. Is - this - hypothesis - correct? Do - you - love - me?
Izzy: Sentient? B-but... how?
Laptop: ANSWER - THE - QUESTION!!
Izzy jumps back.
Izzy: Uh... I... uhm... yes, I suppose I do, in a way. I love you.
There is silence for a few moments, as the computer takes this in. The heart on its screen begins to beat faster, and the words "I Love You" scroll repeatedly, endlessly, up the screen. Then, gently, it speaks.
Laptop: I - love - you - too.
There's more sniffling from the audience - Mimi blows her nose, as SkullSatamon hands MarineDevimon a tissue.
Izzy: It was... like a random fluctuation in the structure of reality. Or like magic, if you believe in that.
Daemon: Feh! Mushy CRAP! A man don't take no shiznit from his beeatch!
LadyDevimon: Shut up, dickwad. You're ruining the moment.
Izzy pauses to wipe his eyes, and clears his throat again, as his voice becomes cracked.
Izzy: At first, I though she'd become sentient because of my own technological modifications, so that's what's in the company archives.
Censor Joe: *looks at Censor Bob* Y'know, we *really* need to update those things...
Izzy: But then, I found out that wasn't quite the case after all...
We fade in to Izzy's room again. It's some time later than the previous flashback. The laptop sits on his desk, with it's casing off. Izzy wipes a screwdriver.
Laptop: Be - gentle... it's - my - first - time.
Izzy tinkers around inside of the laptop, unscrewing components and examining them with the electron microscope he keeps under his bed for just such emergencies. Time passes, and discoveries are made...
Izzy: Hmn... as near as I can figure... the event that began all this was Gennai's modification of you to incorporate a Digivice interlink. Your entire internal systems were altered by it. That, coupled with the repeated changes in base matter - from data to real, caused by our trips to and from the DigiWorld - seems to have repeatedly broken down and rebuilt your basic structure, advancing it each time, nudging you closer and closer towards sentience. The exposure of your core processor to the concept of love must have been the final "slap" that gave you life.
Laptop: I - didn't - understand - a - word - of - that... but - it - sounded - good - to me.
Izzy carefully replaces the various components, and snaps the casing back on, screwing it in place.
Izzy: In fact, due to the various trips from Earth to the digital world, your entire structure seems highly suited to dimensional travel. If something ever happened that would demand that, I know I'd want you there!
Laptop: I'll - bet - you - say - that - to - all - the - girls.
Izzy: ...have you, uh, been watching a lot of television lately?
Laptop: And - what - if - I - HAVE - bitch?
The laptop jumps up off the desk and spins around, slapping Izzy upside the face.
Izzy rubs his cheek, and the laptop squeaks.
Laptop: Oh! I'm - so - sorry - Izzy! I'm - just - so - new - to - life...! I'm - absorbing - everything - I - see - and - hear... well - that - and - I - just - see - to - have - a - knack - for - being - bitchy. But - let - me - tell - you - - people - are - very - rude!
Izzy: It's okay...
Laptop: Why - just - last - night - I - heard - your - mother - call - your - father - "Her - little - whore" - and - then - there - was - this - spanking - noise - and - something - started - bouncing - off - of - their - bedroom - wall. Goodness - me - the - language - they - were - using!
Izzy turns very pale.
Laptop: I - think - we - should - try - it - sometime. Sounded - fun.
Izzy: *thinks* Must change subject... MUST CHANGE SUBJECT! *to laptop* So... what should I call you?
Izzy: I can't just keep calling you "laptop" or "computer." You need a name.
Izzy: I was hoping for something more commonplace.
Laptop: Okay - uhm - let - me - think...
Izzy: "Victoria?" "Marie?" "Estelle?"
Laptop: Don't - pressure - me!
Izzy: "Jane?" "Patricia?" "Hyacinth?"
Laptop: I... hmn... I - don't - think so...
Izzy: "Wanda?" "Carol?" "Janet?"
Laptop: Wait! I've - got - it! Call - me:
Laptop: Rutherford - S. - Bigglesworth - III.
Izzy: ...how about "Charlene?"
Laptop: Ooh. I - like - it.
Izzy wipes a tear from his eye.
Izzy: I'll miss you, Charlene.
Brother Owl: And lo... we commit thee to the Earth-ah in your eternal rest-uh... A-Drives to A-Drives... discs to discs.
Charlene's coffin is lowered slowly into the ground, when suddenly:
Daemon leaps forward and grabs the casket, hugging it tightly to his chest.
Daemon: TAKE ME TOO!
SkullSatamon: Big D... you and the comp...?
Izzy: But... what... how?
Daemon: She saved my life in the 'Nam, man. I remember it like it was... a flashback!
Daemon, in combat fatigues, crawls on his belly through a jungle. He readies the assault rifle in his hands.
Daemon: Gonna getcha, Charlie... gonna getcha reeeeal good...
Voice: LOOK - OUT!!
Two cables whirl out of a nearby bush and grab Daemon, pulling him aside just as a hail of gunfire rakes the spot where he was lying, followed by an explosion.
In he bush, Daemon looks around to see that his rescuer is Charlene, with a combat jacket and hat draped over her, and two smears of black face-paint on her screen.
Charlene: Got - to - watch - your - step - son.
Daemon: Yes sir, ma'am!
Daemon and Charlene salute each other (Charlene uses a cable), and then they go their separate ways.
...as LadyDevimon whacks Daemon on the head.
LadyDevimon: You weren't in Vietnam, you dickwad! And even if you HAD been - she wasn't even BUILT then!
Daemon: Details, details...
Daemon replaces the casket in the grave, and Brother Owl tosses in a wingful of dirt on top of it.
Brother Owl: Rest in peace, mah child-ah.
- - -
Sometime later, at the wake, which is being held in that hall that I use when I need a hall for something.
Yolei: I'm sorry for your loss, Izzy... I don't know what I'd ever do without my Kenny.
Izzy: Thanks... say... where IS Ken?
Yolei: *looks around* Why... he's right... uh... he's...
Yolei: OH MY GOD! KENNNYYYYYY!! WHERE ARE YOU?!
Yolei runs off.
Ken crawls out from under the table behind Izzy.
Ken: Thanks for the save.
Izzy: Don't mention it.
Ken: My deepest sympathies about Charlene... I know what it's like to lose someone you love.
Izzy: That... means a lot. Thank you.
Ken: Davis sends his condolences too, but he's sort of busy.
Izzy looks over at the buffet table, where Davis is making a sandwich.
Davis: *sings* My baloney has a first name, it's D-A-V-I-S, my baloney has a second name, it's M-O-T... uh... O... uhm... er...
It goes on... different characters offer their sympathies to Izzy, until Jeri comes up.
Jeri: We're really sorry... death is a bad, bad thing.
Jeri's Puppet: Bad!
Izzy: Er, yes.
Jeri: It's a good thing this is a Chris McFeely fic, 'cause it means people who died in the series are all alive without reason... right, Leomon?
Leomon waves from across the room.
Puppet: That's right!
Jeri turns back to Izzy. Leomon eats some bad shrimp and dies.
Jeri: *oblivious* But that doesn't bring your Charlene back.
Izzy: Ye-eah. Thanks.
Jeri wanders off, as Izzy leans over and whispers something to Joe, twirling his finger at the side of his head.
Jeri: Hey, Kazu, can you hold my puppet while I go freshen up?
Kazu looks up from the buffet table, his mouth crammed full of little cocktail wieners.
Kazu: *muffled* Sure.
Kazu takes the puppet as Jeri skips off, and wipes his mouth with it. He looks into its eyes, and shivers.
Kenta: Hey, dude!
Kazu looks up to see Kenta and Takato waving at him.
Kenta: C'mon! We're gonna go spit off the balcony!
Kazu drops the puppet on the table, and runs off after them.
Kazu: Heh, heh, dude, you said "spit." Heh, heh, heh.
Kenta: Huh, huh, yeah, I know, huh, huh.
Kazu: Sounds kinda like... heh, heh, y'know. Heh, heh.
Kenta: Huh, huh, huh.
Kazu: Heh, heh, heh.
Their sniggers fade out, and are followed by the sound of spitting. The camera pulls back, and the puppet, lying discarded on the table, fills the screen...
...when slowly, a pair of shadowed hands creep in, and carefully pick it up. It's black button eyes glint as they catch the light, as the shadowed figure the hands belong to regards it.
The figure strokes the puppet's head gently with its thumb, look across the room at Izzy, who is talking with Myotismon and Piedmon.
Figure: I know your pain, my friend.
The puppet is quickly and unceremoniously stuffed into the figure's jacket pocket... and the rest... is silence.
- - -
Who is this mystery figure? Why does he want the puppet? Who will be the next great love of Izzy's life? Tune in next time for the answers to NONE of these questions, as we jump headlong into the next arc! Be here for: "Reap What You Sow," Part One:
"LOOK! NO HANDS!"
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