Disclaimer: I own neither Digimon nor Transformers.
Author's Notes: Before reading this, you might want to read the previous parts of the arc:
"Where There's a Willis, There's a Way!"
"To Boldly Go Where No Mon Has Gone Before!"
"Turbo Ninja Zeo Rangers Lost in a Galaxy in Time!"
"The Digi-Awards 2001."
There is no recap in the fic itself, so it's just below
this paragraph. However, this fic is entirely self-contained, so
you should be able to enjoy it on it's own. A working knowledge
of "Transformers: Robots in Diguise" will help, and a
good knowledge of classic Transformers stuff will help you to get
other in-jokes. But don't worry. ^^
Willis and Henry came into contact, and the resultant release of dimensional energy caused by the connection of two beings who don't really exist has sent the Digi-crew tumbling through the multiverse! First stop was the Star Trek world, then the Power Rangers dimension, and then they were sidetracked to the Digi-Awards for 2001 just prior to Christmas. They've been on a couple more trips since then... but hey, I'll let Rika and Takato tell you about those...
- - -
"TRUKK NOT MUNKY, DOOD!"
"Take Me To Another World!" Part Four
By Chris McFeely
With a tip of the hat to Jen O'Connel for the Turtles segment idea!
- - -
Rika: I'd tell you what happened last time, but I don't like your face, jerkwad.
Takato pushes her aside.
Takato: Hi, it's Takato here! It sure is crazy at the minute! We've been going from world to world since you last saw us at the Digi-Awards... and we've sure wound up in some weird places!
Leonardo: Turtles fight with honour!
Leomon: I fight with honour too!
Leomon and Leonardo duel.
Leonardo: Turtles fight with more honour than you do!
Leomon: There is no honour in professing to have more honour than I do!
Leonardo: There is no honour in saying that I have no honour because I said I have more honour than you!
Leomon: Is too.
Donatello: So you say you're tumbling uncontrollably through various disparate dimensions, with no conceivable way to formulate your pathway to your home nexus?
Donatello: Well, maybe my portable portal generator could give you a hand.
Donatello pulls out his portal thing, turns it on, and Baxter (the fly) Stockman flies out of it.
Baxter: It's about damn time... I've been in there for four whole seasons!
The portal then explodes in Donatello's face.
Raphael: ...so then I sez to him, hey buddy, get your OWN hooker! Hey did I tell you the one about the motel room and the whipped cream...?
Devimon: You don't fool me with your jokes, you know. I can see that you use them to cover up the agonising depression of your life.
Apocalymon: Amen, brother.
Michelangelo: Like, cowabunga, dudes! I'm gonna, like, mix up a bunch of weird shit, and put it on, like, a pizza!
Apocalymon: Now you're talking!
Takato: *laughs* Man, we sure had fun there! I don't think that little brain dude even minded when I knocked him out of his body and stepped on him!
Krang: *v/o, stuck to the bottom of Takato's shoe* You'd be surprised.
Takato: Ooh, icky.
Takato scrapes his shoe off.
Takato: An' you know where else we've been?
Bob the Builder: Can we fix it?
Davis trips and winds up in the cement mixer.
Takato: We're just relaxing in this world right now...
Takato pets an unusually large rabbit that hops past.
The camera pans out, to show a vast, green valley. Giant rabbits hop everywhere, and some two-dimensional cardboard animals roll around on wheels in the background. All around, the Digimon crew interacts with the huge, multi-coloured creatures that romp and play.
Piedmon: So tell me... are the rumours true?
Tinky-Winky smacks Piedmon upside the head with his handbag and storms off.
Sora: So, you're saying that I need to chose between which of the two men I want in my life, otherwise I'll wind up with neither of them?
Laa-Laa: Laa-Laa play wif ball.
Sora: You make so much sense.
Davis and Tai run after Po, who keeps ahead of them on her scooter.
Davis: Stop hogging it! You said I could have a turn!
Tai: SorAAAA, tell her to stop hogging it!
Daemon: 'sup, bitchmaspaz?
Dipsy: Again, again!
Daemon: 'sup bitchmaspaz?
Dipsy: Again, again!
Charlene: So - let - me - get - this - straight... all - you - do - is - clean - up - around - here - and - you - get - no - respect - whatsoever?
Noo-Noo: Shllloooorrp. Shlorrp shlorp.
Charlene: Ooooh - what - a - dirty - thing - to - say... I - like - it...
Izzy scoops up Charlene quickly.
Izzy: TIME TO LEAVE, I THINK!!
Charlene: Spoilsport! I - was - gonna - show - him - how - to - switch - from - suck - to - blow...
Censor Joe steps in from the left.
Censor Joe: We would like to apologise for the tastelessness of the previous joke. Thank you.
Censor Joe exits.
Charlene extends her cables, and latches onto the Henry/Willis interdimensional engine once again.
A periscope extends from the ground as the Digi crew pile back into the studio.
Voice: Time for Digi bye-bye. Time for Digi bye-bye.
Teletubbies: *chanting* BUH-BYYEEEEE.
Rika: *chanting* F*CK OFFFFFF.
The studio warps out.
Tinky-Winky: Dash it all, those chaps were most entertaining, wouldn't you say?
Laa-Laa: Can't talk now, darling, I have a five o'clock teatime with Ethel, what-what?
- - -
In interdimensional space...
Mummymon: Did you notice the bulge in my pants, my dear?
Mummymon pulls one of the giant rabbits out of his pants.
Mummymon: I brought him with us, just for you!
Arukenimon: Ooh, an in-flight meal...
Matt kneels on the ground beside Charlene.
Matt: So, do you have any idea where you're taking us this time?
Charlene: You're - never - going - to - learn - anything - if - you - keep - asking - questions.
Terriermon regards Willis and Henry.
Terriermon: Do you think that we're ever going to be able to separate Willis and Henry?
Izzy: Theoretically, it's possible, but if we did, there's no guarantee that we'd be able to access the dimensional energy afterward. We could strand ourselves in another dimension! We'll have to keep them together for the time being, until we get home, or until we find another way to control our travel in one of the worlds we come to.
Lopmon: Does anyone want to play Twenty Questions?
Lopmon: ...you're not gonna get it if you don't ask any questions...
T.K.: Is it earwax?
- - -
Meanwhile, in the second dimension to the right...
A blue sports car, a police patrol car, and a sliver SUV zoom along a barren stretch of road at high speeds, apparently inside a tunnel.
X-Brawn: Yee-haw, buckaroos! We's a-gonna ride this-a-here Spacebridge all over the world and beat thim thar lilly-livered Predacon varmints, come hella high water!
Side Burn: ...what'd you say?
X-Brawn: Ah said, we's a-gonna ride this-a-here Spacebridge...
Side Burn: ...ah, never mind...
T-Ai appears on a screen on Prowl's dashboard.
T-Ai: Emergency! Emergency! I'm picking up some serious disruptions in the transwarp cells of the Global Spacebridge... some sort of external interference!
Side Burn: It's probably nothi-
The Global Spacebridge road on which the three Autobot Brothers are driving begins to thrash about wildly.
Prowl: Officer under fire! Request assistance! Request assistance!
- - -
The studio rocks uncontrollably.
Tai: I thought you knew how to fly this thing by now!!
Charlene: BITE - ME!! The - dimensional - energy - is - mixing - with - something - else - in - a - nearby - reality! We're... being - drawn - to - it...!
Apocalymon: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEE!!
- - -
T-Ai: The disruption is manifesting...!
The studio falls from the sky, and smashes down into the middle of the Global Spacebridge, and Prowl, Side Burn and X-Brawn all slam on their breaks and screech to a halt in front of it.
Side Burn: That's what I call bringing the house down!
Side Burn: Thank you. Thank you very much.
X-Brawn bumps the side of the studio, and the rubble shifts, and the Digi crew come tumbling out.
Etemon: Consarned women drivers!
Charlene: I'm - gonna - pretend - I - didn't - hear - that - monkey - boy.
Prowl: State your allegiance!
Tai: Aw, great work, Chartreuse. Your landing brought the fuzz out!
Charlene: I - think - they'd - turn - a - blind - eye - if - I - murdered - you - right - now....
Apocalymon, Machinedramon, and the other larger Digimon drag themselves out of the studio.
Side Burn: Look, Prowl! Monsters! Side Burn - TRANSFORM!
Side Burn transforms to robot mode, and he DigiDestined gawp up at him.
X-Brawn & Prowl: TRANSFORM!!
The other two Autobots transform to their robot modes, and Izzy faints.
Joe: Crud, it's another attack of the dreaded fanboyitis...
X-Brawn: Y'all better talk turkey fore'n ah go medieval on yer yella-bellied keisters!
X-Brawn: You done heard me, owlhoot! Ah'll tan yer britches so bad, y'all wont be able ta sit down fer a mega-cycle!
X-Brawn: Goldurnit, stop making out like y'all don't unnerstand mah talk!
X-Brawn advances menacingly on Ken. Ken screams and hides behind BlackWarGreymon.
Ken: *blubbers* I really don't know what you're saying!
Armadillomon: Ah believe Ah can converse with this rawhide galoot. You wearin' a white hat, hombre?
X-Brawn: Darn tootin! Better'n your black one, belly-crawler!
Armadillomon and X-Brawn continue to yammer for a few minutes.
X-Brawn: Well, Ah'll be a saddle-sore butt cheek! These cowpokes are from way outta town!
Prowl: *to Matt* I'm sorry, but, we don't understand him any more than you do. Give us the 4-1-1, or I'm gonna have to haul your ass downtown, punk.
Matt: We're from another dimension.
Charlene: Scans - tell - me - that - this - goddamn - bridge - of - yours - screwed - up - our - own - cross-dimensional - engine.
T-Ai (v/o, on comm radio): Sensors say they're telling the truth.
Censor Bob: Yes, that's what we said.
Side Burn: That's one of the worst puns I've ever heard.
Matt: The thing is, that landing looks like it's totalled our... uhm... studio.
T-Ai (v/o): Maybe you should come back to Autobot Headquarters. We might be able to help you out.
Tai: Sounds like a plan.
Autobot Brothers: VEHICLE MODE!
The three Autobots transform to car mode again, and their doors open.
Machinedramon: I'm. Sick. Of. Being. Left. Behind. I'm. Coming. Too.
As the DigiDestined and some of the human sized Digimon squeeze into the Autobots, Machinedramon lumbers forward.
Prowl: The rest of you stay here. We'll see what we can do to help you out later.
Censor Steve: Works for me.
The Autobot Brothers' tires squeal, and they race off back down the Global Spacebridge road, with Machinedramon trudging along behind them.
- - -
In Autobot Headquarters...
Optimus Prime: Gin!
T-Ai: No fair, you were looking at my cards.
A hatchway opens on the other side of the giant metallic room, and the Autobot Brothers speed through. Each one pops and wheelie and vaults into the air, transforming to robot mode as they do so. Their passengers all fall out and hit the floor rather hard. Machinedramon squeezes through the tunnel, and into the room, which he fits into easily.
Optimus: So, you're our visitors from another world, huh? T-Ai briefed me on the situation before you arrived.
Tai: Hey man, I've never seen you before in my life.
Optimus: Not YOU. HER.
Optimus points at T-Ai's holographic projection. She waves at them.
T-Ai: I'm T-Ai - Tactical Artificial Intelligence. I'm the daughter of the Teletraan One computer program!
Joe: How does a computer have a daughter?
Charlene: Trust - me - - you - don't - wanna - know.
Arukenimon: And what did you say your name was, again?
Optimus: I am Optimus Prime!
Davis: Dude... aren't you supposed to be, like, a big monkey?
Izzy wakes up.
Izzy: j00 4R3 4 74/\/\3R! 0P+1/\/\U5 15 4 +RUKK |\|0+ 4 /\/\U|\|KY, D00D!!
(Author's Note - if you can't read that, it says: "You are a lamer! Optimus is a truck, not a monkey, dude!")
Optimus: What he said.
Side Burn: You got any ideas on how we could help these guys Optimus?
Optimus: Indeed I do. We'll get the Build Team to repair their craft. T-Ai, contact them.
T-Ai: Calling Build Team! Come in, Built Team!
The Build Team - Wedge, Grimlock, Hightower and Heavyload - appear on a monitor.
Optimus: We have a repair job for you, at the following co-ordinates.
T-Ai sends the Build Team the co-ordinates.
Wedge: *studies the information* Yeah, I reckon we could do this in a couple of cycles.
Grimlock: Me Grimlock no want build! Me Grimlock want smash!
Heavyload: Get the syringe.
There's a blast of static and the Build Team disappear off the screen.
Optimus: Well, there's nothing to do now but wait...
- - -
Sora: Didn't you notice how much that little orange bulldozer sounded like you?
Matt: You're hearing things!
Joe: Yeah, I mean, it's probably nothing... can you imagine if one of these robots sounded like, say, me?
Sora and Matt laugh... and then Skid-Z walks past.
Skid-Z: *panting like a dog* Gottaracegottaracegottarace... you know where I could find a race?
Matt and Sora look at Joe.
Joe: I'm scared.
Charlene: So... let - me - just - be - clear...
Charlene: You're - perpetually - surrounded - by - men.
Charlene: Who - do - nothing - but - tell - you - what - to - do - all - day.
Charlene: And - you're - just - a - hologram. They - wouldn't - even - splash - out - to - make - you a - body?
T-Ai: Hey, yeah...!
Charlene: Damn - girlfriend. You - need - to - straighten - yo'self - out. Kick - the - male - oppressor - to - the - curb.
T-Ai's holographic suit changes into a baggy t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants.
Optimus: T-Ai, maybe we should check up on the Build Team.
T-Ai: Do it yourself, pig.
Optimus blinks (as best he can, not having any eyelids), and brings up the Build Team on the screen. They're at the studio, as the Censors, Apocalymon, and a bunch of others that I really can't be bothered to define right now, sit around.
Optimus: How's everything going, Wedge?
Wedge drinks from a cup of Energon tea, belches, and scratches his backside.
Wedge: Well, see, we couldn't get the parts we needed. Need to order 'em.*snorts, and spits out a loogie*
Hightower: We'd much rather be fighting Predacons!
The Build Team all snicker and chuckle like madmen.
Grimlock: Me Grimlock kick butt!
Heavyload whaps Grimlock on he head.
Grimlock. Me Grimlock need new strategy...
Wedge: So like I'm sayin', the parts we need gotta be imported...
Optimus: Just get on with it.
Wedge: Roger, chief. *belch*
Optimus sighs and shuts the monitor off.
X-Brawn: Ornery swamp rats, takin' these-a here folk fer a ride with their butt off the horse and their feet still in the stirrups...
Optimus: Uh, yeah.
Suddenly, an alarm klaxon starts blaring.
T-Ai: Emergency, I guess. Emergency.
Prowl: We have a Code 6 in progress at 105, North Avenue!
Optimus: Oh, we do NOT.
Optimus presses another button, and all the screens in the room spring to life, displaying a pleasant, peaceful-looking little Amish town.
Yolei: What could possibly be going on in a little town like that to draw your attention?
On the monitor, Sky-Byte, Slapper, Dark Scream and Gasskunk walk amongst the Amish, cunningly disguised with fake beads and hats. Slapper, for some reason, is wearing the typical dress of an Amish woman.
Side Burn: Looks like the Predacons are up to something!
Optimus: T-Ai! Activate a battle protocol!
Tai: Maybe if you hum a few bars, I can fake it...
Optimus: Not YOU!
T-Ai sits in a Laz-E Boy and eats Cheetos.
T-Ai: I'm takin' a personal day! Try and figure it out yourself, genius!
Charlene plays a sound file of "Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves."
Optimus activates a battle protocol, with some difficulty.
Optimus: Calling Autobot Brothers! Side Burn! Pr-
Side Burn taps Optimus on the shoulder.
Side Burn: We're right here, Big Bot.
Optimus: Oh yeah, right... well, let's head down to Pennsylvania Dutch country!!
- - -
Sky-Byte: MUAHAHAHAA! This is my most brilliant plan ever!
All around Sky-Byte, horrified Amish people scatter, as the Predacons shed their disguises. Slapper, Gasskunk and Dark Scream all run around snatching up Amish people, and strapping them in a huge piece of machinery that they previously hid in an abnormally large barn.
Slapper: Remind me again, Sky-Byte, what are we doing down here in Pennsylvania Dutch country?
Slapper winks at the camera.
Sky-Byte: This devious device...
Sky-Byte gestures at the machine, which looks suspiciously like a long row of butter churns.
Sky-Byte: ...will generate all the power that Megatron could possibly want! A massive engine of Amish fury that will power the Predacon conquest of Earth! And I'll finally prove to Megatron that I'm better than that blasted Scourge and his Decepticons!
Gasskunk and Dark Scream walk back onscreen with several Amish under each arm.
Gasskunk: Whufor do you want us to do wit' dese bearded guys, Sky-Byte?
Sky-Byte: Put them in the Churnstyle!
Dark Scream and Gasskunk ram assorted Amish into the butter churn machine, one in front of each churn. They manacle their hands to the churning sticks.
Dark Scream: Now what?
Sky-Byte: CHURN, you pitiful fleshlings! CHURRRRN!!
The Amish begin moving in unison, as electric shocks motivate them. As every other Amish raises their churning stick, every *other* one lowers theirs. They all move like some kind of massive butter-churning piston engine. Soon, a nodule at the end of the Churnstyle begins to glow pink.
Slapper: Hey, Sky-Byte! What's that mean?
Sky-Byte: It means it's a success!!
Sky-Byte turns the nodule, which turns out to be a tap, and Energon begins to flow into the empty Energon Cubes they have connected.
Sky-Byte: I think that I/Shall never see/Something as great/As the glory that's MEEEE!!
Optimus (v/o): Hold it right there, Sky-Byte!
A Global Spacebridge portal opens, and Optimus, the Autobot Brothers and Machinedramon come roaring out of it. The DigiDestined and the Digimon who have accompanied climb out of the vehicles.
Optimus: OPTIMUS PRIME - TRANSFORM!!
Optimus transforms to robot mode and the brothers follow suite.
Machinedramon: Wait. Wait. There. Is. No. Need. For. All. This. Violence.
Optimus: Well, what do you suggest?
Machinedramon: Don't. Act. Hostile. I'll. Use. The. Universal. Greeting.
Piedmon: "Universal Greeting?"
Machinedramon: Watch. I'll. Have. Them. Eating. Out. Of. My. Hand.
Machinedramon turns to the Predacons.
Machinedramon: Bah. Weep. Graaaghnah. Wheep. Ni. Ni. Bong.
Piedmon: "Bah Weep Graaaghnah Wheep Ni Ni Bong?"
Slapper, Gasskunk & Dark Scream: Bah Weep Graaaghnah Wheep Ni Ni Bong!!
Machinedramon: See? The. Universal. Greeting. Works. Every. Ti-
Sky-Byte: FOOLS! He's obviously speaking in some sort of Autobot code!
Sky-Byte snatches up the nearest Amish person, and hurls him at Machinedramon, hitting him in the forehead.
Machinedramon groans and falls to bits.
Piedmon: HEY! TRUMP SWORD!
Piedmon's swords fly through the air, and stick into Sky-Byte's armour.
Slapper: Hey, who are these guys?
Dark Scream: They don't look like any Autobots I know!
Gasskunk: Mebbe dey're more holograms, like that foxy computer chick.
Slapper and Dark Scream stare at Gasskunk.
Gasskunk: Oh, yeah, like YOU never thought it.
Sky-Byte: SILENCE! JUST DESTROY THEM!
Slapper: RIGHT LASER!
Gasskunk: LEFT LASER!
Dark Scream: CENTRE LASER!
The Pred trio's lasers create an explosion, hurling Machinedramon bits everywhere. As the explosion clears, they see that Zudomon, Ankylomon and Imperialdramon have Digivolved and shielded everyone from the blast. The other Digimon are Digivolved, and ready to lay the smack down.
X-Brawn: Let's ROUND US UP SOME DAWGGIES!
The Autobot Brothers tackle the Pred trio, while Optimus heads for Sky-Byte.
Optimus: Freedom is the right of all sentient beings - even if they ARE Amish!
One of the Amish men turns to the guy sitting beside him on the Churnstyle.
Brother Samuel: Shouldst we actually be allowing him to save us?
Brother Jeremiah: What meanest thou, brother?
Brother Samuel: He is't a being of wires and computer chips... and they art modern conveniences.
Brother Jeremiah: I see thy point, brother. T'wouldst be sloth to allow such folk to saveth our collective behinds.
Davis and Ken run up to the Churnstyle and start unshackling the Amish.
Brother Samuel: On t'other hand, it's most fittin' that folk like them rescue us.
Brother Jeremiah: Aw, drop the act, man, them robots are dang cool...
Brother Samuel: They are, aren't they?
Sky-Byte: GET AWAY FROM THERE!
Optimus turns around to see what's happening, and is knocked from his feet by Sky-Byte. Sky-Byte jumps back and takes cover behind a barn. He pulls out a communicator, and Megatron appears on its screen.
Sky-Byte: Megatron, we-
Megatron: I know, I know. Ro-Tor has been relaying information to me.
Sky-Byte looks up, and sees Ro-Tor, the helicopter Decepticon, hovering overhead, watching their every move.
Sky-Byte: IS THERE NO PRIVACY IN THE WORLD ANY MORE?!
Megatron: There is NOWHERE to hide from MEGATRON!!
Megatron laughs insanely for five straight minutes.
Megatron: Ahem, yes, anyway... I've been able to conclude that the additional creatures fighting with the Autobots are, in fact, extra-dimensional travellers!
Sky-Byte: You don't say...
Megatron: The Global Spacebridge portals are still open for some reason, so I've sent Scourge and the other Decepticons to find their craft, and steal their interdimensional drive, so that we can use it for our own devilish needs!
Megatron continues to laugh for another three minutes.
Megatron: *coughs* Woo nelly... *cough* ...I need a glass of water...
The communicator screen shuts down, and Sky-Byte looks back up into the air, to see Ro-Tor heading for the Global Spacebridge portal, which is still open, as T-Ai is busy washing her hair, and isn't going to bother closing it for masculine slave drivers.
Sky-Byte: PREDACONS! FOLLOW THAT 'COPTER!!
The Predacons break off from fighting the Autobots, and charge towards the open portal.
Mummymon: I'm shocked and appalled at the lack of attention we've been paid in the last three pages. Really, I am. This is a DIGIMON fic, isn't it? ISN'T IT? +R4|\|5P|-|0R/\/\3R5 5UX5, D00D!
- - -
Terriermon, Lopmon, the Censors, Apocalymon, MetalSeadramon, Myotismon, Devimon, the Daemon Corps... and... uh... anyone else that I haven't named yet in the others scenes... all sit around (too many goddamn CHARACTERS!!). The dograbbits and Censors are playing poker, while the Build Team pretend that they're working.
Heavyload: Yeah, see, what you got here is your typical example of a three-quarter flange on a four-quarter hinge.
Hightower: It's an accident waiting to happen. We're gonna have to replace it as well.
Voice: You'll replathe nothing! That craft ith now the property of the Dethepticonth!
The Build Team spin around, to see Scourge and the Decepticons charging towards them, in vehicle mode. Movor (the space shuttle) flies overhead.
Scourge: THCOURGE - TRANTHFORM!
Scourge transforms to robot mode and somersaults forward. Mega Octane, Rollbar and Armorhide crash into his trailer, which he left lying on the road behind him.
Apocalymon: Who the heck are these guys?
Hightower: They're the Decepticons! They work for Megatron!
Movor transforms to robot mode, and pulls out a scanning device.
Movor: The interdimensional engine is very nearby... it's giving off some strong readings!
Scourge: Then we shall claim in the name of Megathron!
Terriermon: Hey! These guys are talking about Willis!
Lopmon: Well, they're not getting him without a FIGHT!! LOPMON, DIGIVOLVE TO... ENDIGOMON!
Terriermon: TERRIERMON, DIGIVOLVE TO... GARGOMON!!
Gargomon opens fire on Scourge, and his bullets rattle the Decepticon's armour. Scourge laughs.
Scourge: Your pitiful attack cannot harm me! SWORD OF FURY!!
Scourge swings his sword, and almost cuts Gargomon in two. Endigomon seizes it, and snatches it from Scourge's grip.
Scourge: Ahrrr!! Dethepticonth! ATTHAAAACK!!
Mega Octane, Rollbar and Armorhide transform to robot mode. Mega Octane begins grappling with MarineDevimon.
MarineDevimon: You is gonna get a cap popped in yo' ass, sucka.
Gargomon: Make him yo' bitch!
Mega Octane backhands MarineDevimon, who snarls, and spits ink in his face.
Rollbar, meanwhile, is struggling with Daemon. Daemon blasts him in the chest, and the Censors scatter as Rollbar crashes down near to them.
Daemon: Keep these honkies away from the Build Team! I'm not likin' this world, an' I wanna get outta here!
The Build Team sit in a circle and sip Energon tea.
Wedge: We're on our break.
Heavyload: Union rules.
Grimlock: Me Grimlock not want wait! ME GRIMLOCK WANT TO MUCH METAL!!
Grimlock lunges forward, and starts gnawing on Armorhide's kneecap.
Armorhide: He's getting spit in my joints! EW!!
Scourge falls over, as Endigomon Cable-Crusher's him in the face.
Scourge: Thethe beingth are thtronger than I could have imagined!
Ro-Tor: Have no fear, Ro-Tor's here!
Ro-Tor swoops in, and transforms to robot mode.
Scourge: Exthellent! DETHEPTICONTH! COMBINE!!
Mega Octane pushes MarineDevimon away, and leaps into the air. The other Commandos do the same, and latch on to his body.
Movor: I wanna a be a leg!
Rollbar: No fair, you were a leg last time! I never get to be a leg!
Mega Octane: Ruination...
The Decepticons combine.
Ruination flexes his arms and emits a roar.
All the Digimon look at the Build Team.
Wedge: Can't break the union rules.
Apocalymon sighs, and, being the only Digimon big enough to handle the situation, launches one of his claws, which wraps around Ruination's head.
Ruination's head pops off, exposing Mega Octane's head underneath.
Mega Octane: I feel all naked.
Sky-Byte (v/o): SCOURGE!!
Everyone turns to see Sky-Byte and the Predacons approaching, in their beast modes.
Scourge: Why, Thky-Byte, how nithe of you to join uth!
Sky-Byte: Sky-Byte - TERRORISE! *transforms* How DARE you try to upstage me?!
Scourge: Like thith: Ha, ha, I'm better than you! j00 4R3 4 74/\/\3R!!
Sky-Byte: I'LL be the one to bring that interdimensional engine to Megatron!
Ruination snaps his head back on.
Ruination: Not if we take it first!!
Daemon: Yo, honky... DIGIMON FIC, remember? WE'RE DOWN HERE. DON'T FORGET ABOUT US.
Endigomon begins to chew on Ruination's shin.
Optimus (v/o): Build Team! Put down that tea, and combine! That's an ORDER!!
Wedge: *sigh* No peace...
Optimus, the Autobot brothers, and the Digivolved Digimon all come charging up the Spacebridge. The Autobots transform to their robot modes.
Ruination tears open the side of the studio, and the Henry/Willis engine falls out.
Scourge: It'th the engine! Quickly, grab it!
Ruination makes a grab for the engine, but MetalSeadramon gets in his way, and begins to constrict around his arm.
MetalSeadramon: I do good. Hyuk.
Ruination cracks MetalSeadramon like a whip, knocking the Autobots over.
Optimus: OOF! I SAID COMBINE!
Heavyload: He sounds pissed. Maybe we'd better...
Build Team: WE ARE...
The Build Team transform, and merge.
Landfill tackles Ruination to the ground, as Sky-Byte and Scourge dive for Henry and Willis.
Takato: Somebody, do something!
Guilmon soils himself.
Takato: Something ELSE!
Rika quickly swipes a Shurimon card.
Rika: Digi-Modify... SHURIMON!
Renamon gains Shurimon's slinky arms. She gestures, and her arms telescope out and snatch up Henry and Willis, dragging them to her. Sky-Byte and Scourge smash into each other, bashing heads.
Izzy: Nice work!
Charlene: *attaches her cables to Henry and Willis* If - they - want - him - now - they'll - have - to - take - him - from - ME!!
Slapper, Gasskunk and Dark Scream charge toward her.
Slapper: TONGUE LASH ATTACK!!
Slapper's frog tongue shoots out from his shoulder, and wraps around Henry and Willis. He and Charlene engage in a tug-o-war.
Charlene: Aw... f*ck it.
Charlene lets go, and Slapper topples backwards into his cohorts. Willis and Henry land in their midst.
Izzy: How could you DO THAT?
X-Brawn: TARNATION! The Preds got thim two fellers! We gotta do somethin'!
Side Burn & Prowl: *shrug*
Optimus: Well, never mind for now. The Predacons have those two innocents! We have to stop them! OPTIMUS PRIME - BATTLE MODE!
Optimus "Optimises" to his Battle Mode, and aims his water cannon at the Predacon trio.
Optimus: POWER STREAM!!
A powerful water jet blasts from Optimus's cannon, and slams into the Predacons, lifting them up into the air, and sending them hurtling away, into the air, out of sight.
Slapper: Looks like...
Dark Scream: ...Team Predacon...
Gasskunk: ...is blasting off...
Izzy: That was so unbelievably cool.
Izzy faints again, and Joe catches him.
Tai: This is getting really old...
Side Burn bounds forward, and snatches up Henry and Willis, as Scourge and Sky-Byte continue to grapple.
Scourge: Momma'th boy!
Scourge: DOODY HEAD!
Sky-Byte starts pinching Scourge.
Scourge: Ow! Ow! Owwwowoww!! No fair! VEHICLE MODE!!
Scourge transforms to vehicle mode. His trailer zooms up to join him, and runs Sky-Byte over.
Scourge: Another time!
Sky-Byte: Just because you were losing!
Scourge: Dethepticonth, RETHREAT!
Ruination looks up from giving Landfill an Atomic Wedgie.
Ruination: But I...
Landfill gives Ruination a Wet Willy.
Ruination falls apart into the separate Commandos, who transform to vehicle mode and flee back in the direction they came from, after Scourge.
Sky-Byte: BWAHAHAA! And NOW, that interdimensional engine shall be MINE!!
Sky-Byte turns, and sees the Autobots and Digimon staring back at him. He looks the other way, and Landfill looms over him. A giant sweatdrop appears on his forehead.
Sky-Byte: The 'Bot badge is red/I'll be black and blue/If I don't take my leave/So I'll say: "Toodle-oo!" BEAST MODE!
Sky-Byte transforms to Beast Mode, and flies off after the Decepticons. Landfill makes a grab for him, but misses.
Ken: How exactly is a giant flying metal shark a good disguise, anyway?
Sky-Byte's communicator lies on the ground, where he dropped it during the tussle. It bleeps, and Megatron appears on it.
Megatron: Sky-Byte? SKY-BYTE? Where are you? Did you f*ck up another mission AGAIN?
Optimus picks up the communicator.
Optimus: Sorry Megatron - but maybe if you got off your ass and FOUGHT once in a while, you might win!
Matt: Should you be giving him ideas like that?
Optimus: Get away from me, kid, you bother me.
Optimus crushes the communicator and discards the remains. The Build Team disengages.
Optimus: So, Wedge, how was the repair work going before you were so rudely interrupted?
Wedge: *sips his tea* Well, see, the thing is, I didn't actually get around to ORDERING those parts... so it'll still be another couple'a weeks... *belch, scratch*
Optimus: Oh, for cryin' out loud...
- - -
Back in Autobot Headquarters...
T-Ai: Like this?
Mimi: No, no, you have to curl it the other way.
T-Ai: Like THIS?
Kari: No, the *other* way!
Sora: Who'd have thought that doing a hologram's hair would be so much work?
Charlene: *snickers quietly* Your - torture - is - my - pleasure...
RailSpike: Sorry we weren't around to help, but, y'know, we're trains... we have important things to... do.
Young Gennai: Your voice sounds really familiar, but I can't put my finger on it...
In the background, Daemon and Rapid Run lay down some funky moves, and Midnight Express and Piedmon do some macramé.
Mummymon: I say, my dear, don't you think this fic was woefully off-balance? It was more like "Transformers, with special guest stars, the Digimon cast!"
Arukenimon: Shut up and give me that rabbit.
Mummymon: Yes dear.
Agumon: Do you ever get the feeling you're not wanted?
Biyomon: How so?
An empty Coke can flies over the fourth wall and clonks Agumon in the noggin.
Chris (v/o, on the other side of the wall): There are TOO DAMN MANY OF YOU! How am I supposed to function under these conditions?!
Prowl reaches over the fourth wall, and hands Chris a citation.
Prowl: Don't litter, sir. It's against the law, don'tcha know.
Chris (v/o): Rassum frassum...
Wedge appears on a monitor.
Wedge: Everything's ship shape and ready to go!
Tai: I thought you said it was gonna take weeks.
Wedge: Yeah, well, see, funny that, but I had the parts all along. Heh. Heh.
Tai: *to Matt* You slipped him a twenty, didn't you?
Matt: Oh, please, do you really think I'm so crude?
Matt: ...a fifty. *sigh*
Optimus: Then it's time to get you on your way! T-Ai!
Optimus: *screams* NOT YOU!! T-Ai! Activate the Spacebridge!
Optimus: ...uhm... please?
T-Ai: Please what?
Optimus: Please activate the Spacebridge, ma'am.
T-Ai: That's BETTER.
The Global Spacebridge portal opens, and everyone troops into it.
- - -
At the studio...
Hightower pats Machinedramon's thigh.
Machinedramon: Thank. You. For. Taking. The. Time. To. Rebuild. Me.
Hightower: No problemo.
Hightower pulls out a calculator.
Hightower: That's five hundred bucks, with interest, and I don't take credit cards.
And falls to bits.
Hightower: That's gonna cost you extra.
Optimus and the Autobot Brothers drive up, and the Digi-crew pile out of them. They transform to robot mode.
Terriermon and Lopmon carry Henry and Willis with their ears, and take them inside the repaired studio.
Likewise, Joe carries the unconscious Izzy, with Charlene resting on his stomach.
Charlene: I - have - a - feeling - I - could - have - got - to - like - this - world...
Tai: Well... it's been... uh... fun?
Optimus: Did YOUR computer turn on you and refuse to do anything you say? DID IT?
Tai: Well, uh...
Charlene: I - didn't - TURN... this - is - a - good - day - for - me.
Armadillomon: Be seein' you, pardner
X-Brawn: Adios, buckaroo! Happy trails!
Side Burn: Gonna miss ya!
The Digi-crew say their goodbyes and wave, and all troop back into the studio. The Global Spacebridge shudders, as the interdimensional energy is activated again, and slowly, the studio fades out of sight.
Wedge: Hey! What about my bill?! I did overtime! OVERTIIIIME!!
The studio vanishes, and the Autobots regard the empty space for a moment.
Side Burn: Y'know, it's a pity Koji missed this... I bet he would have loved it!
Prowl: Where IS Koji these days, anyway?
Optimus: I don't know... I haven't seen him since he was taking a nap in X-Brawn's quarters a few days ago.
X-Brawn scratches his head, and turns around. There's a large, Koji-looking lump stuck to his butt.
Side Burn: Oh well!
Optimus: That's our X-Brawn!
Prowl: That's a murder one. Book 'im, Dan-o.
- - -
In interdimensional space again...
Michael: I mean it, as soon as we get home, I'm getting my dad's lawyer on the phone. I don't think the writer even knew what he was doing with this fic! Transformers indeed!
Veemon: Hey... didn't you get turned into a cantaloupe and eaten a couple'a ficsh back?
Michael: Er... no. *laughs nervously*
Tai puts his hands on his hips, and stares out into the interdimensional void.
Tai: You use the word "interdimensional" far too much, y'know that?
Chris (v/o): Just say your line.
Tai: *ahem* We've seen a lot of strange places on our travels... but I wonder... what does the future hold for us? We could go anywhere... see anything... do anything our minds could conceive...
Matt: Or, we could just be randomly dropped into a bunch of television shows, in a collection of poorly thought-out crossovers that merely exist to take the piss out of the subject matter!
Tai: Or that.
- - -
Scourge and Sky-Byte sit in a regeneration tank together. Scourge sips an Energon beer.
Scourge: ...tho then she thays... "No, I'm the hooker!"
Scourge and Sky-Byte turn around and look at the camera.
Scourge: Hey! What the hell are you doing in here?
Sky-Byte: This fic is over/My cap I do doff/So do us a favour/AND F*CK THE HELL OFF!!
- - -
- - -
Tune in next time for Part 5 of "Take Me To Another World," where the crew utterly destroy one of America's most popular classic comedy shows! Gird yourself for:
"SIT ON IT!"
These Days are gonna be anything but Happy!