DISCLAIMER - I don't own Digimon, or "Green Eggs and
Ham," or, indeed, neither do I own the Grinch.
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HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR MARCHING FISHES?
(to the rhythm of Green Eggs and Ham, by that master of our time, Dr Seuss)
By Chris McFeely
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We start up with blackness, which suddenly explodes into scarlet. The red explosion reveals the scene to us,
as Myotismon is revealed, embroiled in battle with the DigiDestined, lashing his Crimson Lightning about all
over the shop like there was no tomorrow.
Agumon: Pepper Breath!
The ickle ball of fire hits Myotismon and disappears in a little puff of smoke.
Myotismon: Crimson Lightning!!
Agumon is knocked off his feet and sent crashing into Tai by the streak of energy.
Tentomon: Super Shocker!
It has equally no effect. Myotismon downs Tentomon with another beam of Crimson Lightning.
Myotismon: Can we PLEASE do something other than scream out our attacks for the next couple of
Gabumon: Aw, but I was gonna...!
Gomamon: Ive got an idea!
Myotismon: Share it with me, and I could be persuaded to kill you quickly.
Gomamon: MARCHING FISHES!!
Myotismon: Godammit, were you listening to what I just said?
Instead of the normal stream of rainbow coloured fish, a plate, a knife and fork shoot out of the air and land
in front of Myotismon. On the plate are three freshly cooked fish. Gomamon starts singing.
Gomamon: Would you eat Marching Fishes? Wont you try my seafood dishes?
Myotismon looks very confused.
Gomamon: Please say youll try my sea-borne treats, theyre made of really tasty meat!
Myotismon: Why... are you... rhyming?
Gomamon: Would you eat them in a tree? Would you eat them with Mimi?
Myotismon: Oh... I get it... ahem... I would not eat them with Mimi, she bugs the hell right out of me.
Gomamon: Would you eat them in a coach? With a giant cock-a-roach?
Myotismon: I would not them in a coach, or with a giant cock-a-roach! I find that last rhyme really
frightening - so leave me alone! CRIMSON LIGHTNING!
Gomamon dodges to the side, and the lightning misses.
Gomamon: Your culinary problem I must solve - but first Im gonna digivolve!
Gomamon digivolves to... Ikkakumon!
Myotismon: Ikkakumonll be hard to rhyme, so I dont think Ill waste the time... I will not eat those
goddamn fishes, I will not eat those seafood dishes!
Ikkakumon: Please, please comply with my wishes! Wont you try my Marching Fishes?
Myotismon: I will not eat those stupid fish, I will not eat this seafood dish!
Myotismon throws the plate down on to the floor.
Ikkakumon: So, would you eat them on the floor...eh... Maybe youd prefer with Sora?
Myotismon: I would not eat these fish with Sora, shes got Chris to have adore er!
Thats me! ^_^ Gotta throw in a reference like that at some point!
Ikkakumon: Would you eat them wearing a Speedo? Eat them, or its... HARPOON TORPEDO!!
Myotismon waves his hands and the attack dissolves.
Myotismon: I will not eat these goddamn things! I will not eat them! GRIZZLY WING!!
Myotismon spreads his cape and the bats swoops out, clustering around Ikkakumon.
Ikkakumon: Ack! I think Im in for quite some pain... better digivolve again!
Ikkakumon digivolves to... Zudomon!
Zudomon: Would you eat them on the fly? Say youll eat them, maybe with Tai?
Myotismon: I would not eat them, not with Tai, I think Id rather kill that guy!
Zudomon: Eat them, eat them, dont say no! Would you try to eat with Joe?
Myotismon: I will not eat them, not with Joe, now for Gods sake, go away! GO!
Zudomon: Yknow its fun to chat and yammer... but eat them, or Ill... VULCANS HAMMER!
Myotismon gets caught in the chest by the energy beam and knocked off his feet.
Myotismon: Arrgh! Get lost, or Ill break your jaw! Or maybe Ill try... NIGHTMARE CLAW!!
Zudomon gets blasted by the Nightmare Claw and is paralysed.
Zudomon: Would you... eat... Marching Fishes? Say youll... try... my seafood... dishes...
Myotismon: I WILL NOT EAT MARCHING FISHES, I WILL NOT EAT YOUR SEAFOOD DISHES!! I
will not eat them in a tree, I will not eat them with Mimi, I would not, could not, eat with Tai, I really, really
hate that guy! I would not eat them, not with Sora, cause I hate Chris and he adores er! I WILL NOT EAT
THEM, NOT EEN ONE! I WILL NOT EAT THEM, ZUDOMON!
Zudomon de-digivolves back to Gomamon.
Gomamon: Please.. say youll try them, just one bite?
Myotismon: Oh, for the love of God, ALL RIGHT!!
Myotismon takes a bite of one of the fish.
Myotismon: Hmn... I said I wouldnt try the fish, but now Ive tried this seafood dish, and I can say, without
reproach... Id rather eat that cock-a-roach!!
Myotismon begins barfing behind a tree.
Myotismon: HUUURRGH... Ill get you for this, Gomamon... Ill get you one day, one day, one!
Gomamon: It really is pretty unlawful, but I knew those fish taste awful. But the dope obeyed my wishes,
and he tried the Marching Fishes, I sang to him and now hes sick... and... uh...
Gomamon: Anyone got a rhyme for that thats not obscene...?
Gabumon: Lets hit him in the head with bricks?
Sora: Chris thinks Im a damn fine chick?
Matt: Im just a colossal prick?
Mimi: That song was over pretty quick?
Joe: No-one round here is named Mick?
Tentomon: Wasnt this a crappy fic?
Myotismon: The last one. BLEAAAARGH!!!
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R&R!! Or I'll set the Grinch on you! ^_^ Offended Matt fans need not apply. ^_~