Author's Notes and Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon, but the Censors and the Fantom are my characters. This fic is the conclusion of a multi-part arc of fics - you will almost certainly need to read "Somebody Set Up Us The Bomb!" as it immediately precedes this fic, and the cliffhanger from it leads in to the beginning of this fic. However, you don't have to read any of the others, but if you want to, they are:

"Casting Call!"
"A Piedmon's Life Is Not A Happy One...!"
"Secret Files and Digi-Origins!"
"The Unusual Suspects"
"The Real Digi-Kaiser"
"It's Only TV... But I Like It!"
and as mentioned, "Somebody Set Up Us The Bomb!"

- in that order. Now, the conclusion...!

- - -


The totally anticlimactic climax to “The Saga of the FOX Kids Fantom!”

By Chris “You’re Going to Hate Me For Life!” McFeely

- - -

Tai: Hey, everyone, it’s Tai here! Last time, the Fantom made his final move, and set up a bomb in the recording studio, sealing all the exits! He disappeared, and we all got to searching to try and find a way out! Shaznay and Izzy tried to see what they could do about the bomb, but she seemed more interested in try to fry my head off! When I kicked her aside, she landed on a floorboard which opened a secret passageway - and at the end of the hidden tunnel it led down, we found - Tentomon! What do you suppose is gonna happen now?

Izzy: Who are you TALKING to?

Tai: *points at the camera* THEM.

Izzy: Who?

Tai: The VOICES!

Izzy: ...

Tai: *grabs Izzy and shakes him violently* CAN’T YOU HEAR THE VOICES?!

A bolt of electricity sizzles between the two of them, separating them.

Charlene: LATER - boys.

Everyone turns their attention back to Tentomon, who cowers.

Izzy: Tentomon... I... I can’t believe it...

Tentomon: I know... I’m so ashamed of myself...

Charlene: Should’ve - known - from - the - beginning...

Tentomon: I couldn’t help it..!

Tai: You, of all people?

Tentomon: I know!

Izzy: You’re the Fantom?

Tentomon: I know, I... WHA-HUH? WHAT?! I’m not the Fantom!!

Charlene: You - expect - us - to - believe - that?

Tentomon: Well, I...!

Izzy: It doesn’t look good, Tento. You’re holed up in here... a secret, sealed off room... you HAVE been disappearing at a moment’s notice lately... and... you’re SITTING ON A PILE OF CANTALOUPES!!

Tai: Yeah, what in the name of God is UP with those things?

Tentomon: I... I swear it to you, Izzy, I’m not the Fantom...

Izzy: Then I think you owe me an explanation as to why you’ve been disappearing.

Tentomon: I... I... all right... it’s so embarrassing...

Charlene: SPILL!

Tentomon: It... it was just after the Christmas party... (back in “Have Yourself a Digi Little Christmas...!”) ...THESE things started showing up.

Tentomon holds up a cantaloupe at arm’s length.

Tentomon: They were everywhere... and I just thought it was odd, at first... but then... it was like they started calling to me... like they were begging to be eaten...

Charlene: This - is - the - most - ridiculous...

Izzy: Sshh!

Charlene: *squeaks* Oh - yeah? Well - just - for - that - I’m - not - putting - out - tonight!

Tai and Tentomon look at them.

Izzy and Charlene: WHAT?!

Tentomon: ANYWAY... It was like the cantaloupes were begging to be eaten... I had to eat them, Izzy... so I started to gather them up... and I found this old room back here, and made the secret door... and I started keeping the cantaloupes in here... and I had to keep eating them...

Izzy: So that’s what you’ve been doing?

Tentomon: I... I can’t stop eating them, Izzy... they... they’ll hurt me if I stop... every so often, one would get away, and I’d have to go and get it back... I hate them... and yet I love them... and yet I hate them... damn lousy cantaloupes... I’ve eaten over a hundred of them... that detective, Vice... he found the secret door, but the cantaloupes made me get rid of him...

Tentomon gestures - there are maybe two dozen cantaloupes forming the small pile on which he sits.

Tentomon: I’m almost finished... it’s almost over... just a little longer... soon, I’ll be free...

Charlene: Hey...

Tai: What?

Charlene: If - he’s - not - the - Fantom... how - come - he - has - - - THIS?!

Charlene bounces herself out of Izzy’s hands, and over into the corner. Izzy, Tai and Tentomon follow. Sitting in the corner is a small silver box, with a red button on it - the Fantom’s bomb-timer deactivator.

Tentomon: That? I found that lying on the ground outside the door a little while ago.

- - -

The Fantom scrabbles around on the ground outside - still inside the studio.

Fantom: Come on, come ON, it’s got to be here somewhere... TELL me that Sora girl wasn’t right... I need to find it, or they could use it to save themselves... geez, this sucks...

- - -

Back in the main area of the studio, the Censors return from snacking.

Censor Steve: Hey, does anyone want the rest of my Big Gulp?

Gatomon: Right here, Steve-o.

Gatomon plonks herself down and drinks the Big Gulp.

Censor Joe: *mouth full of chalupa* Anyone have any luck with anything yet?

Nimoy: Izzy and Tai still aren’t back from wherever they went off to yet. And no-one’s found an exit.

Censor Bob: *sigh* Well, I’m dyin’ happy. *shoves two cans of whipped cream in his mouth and starts guzzling*

Censor Steve: *hums* Well, does anyone want to play charades, or something?

Mummymon: We have less than an hour to live, and YOU WANT TO PLAY CHARADES?!

Censor Steve: You got any better ideas?

Mummymon: Pictionary!

Everyone grins and nods in agreement.

- - -

Arukenimon: It’s a horse!

LadyDevimon: No, it’s a parrot!

Myotismon: A duck!

Censor Joe: Time’s up!

Piedmon: Good lord, what is WRONG with you?! *holds out the paper* It’s clearly a three-toed sloth!!

Tai and Izzy come running up.

Tai: We’ve got the bomb deactivator!


Sora: Heh, I KNEW I was right.

Tai holds out the silver box.

Tai: So, now, all I must do.. is... push... the... button...

Nimoy: Yes... all you have to do... is... push... the... button...

Censor Bob: Yes... the button...

Everyone stands around.

Chris (v/o, other side of the fourth wall): That’s your CUE!

Fantom: Eh, what? Oh, right! Sorry!

The Fantom’s cane hurtles through the air and knocks the box from Tai’s hand.

Fantom: Not so fast! I believe that belongs to me!

The Fantom bounds down from the rafters and snatches up his cane and the deactivator.

Tai: Not so fast!

Digimon: Agumon! Gabumon! Biyomon! Gomamon! Palmon! Patamon! Veemon! Wormmon! Hawkmon! Armadillomon! DIGIVOLVE TOOOO...!!! Greymon! Garurumon! Birdramon! Ikkakumon! Togemon! Angemon! ExVeemon! Stingmon! Aquilamon! Ankylomon!

Gatomon: *tosses empty Big Gulp aside* *burp* And me, too!

From out of nowhere, “Run Around” starts playing. Everyone looks at Matt, who just holds out his harmonic to show he’s not playing it, and shrugs.

Greymon: NOVA BLAST!

The Fantom gracefully vaults over the fire ball, and lands perfectly. He then side steps a Howling Blaster from Garurumon, and ducks under Meteor Wing from Birdramon.

Fantom: Must try harder!

Angemon: Hand of FATE!

The Fantom somersaults backwards and the energy beam smashes into Ikkakumon.

Togemon: Needle Spray!

Togemon tries to spin on the spot, but instead winds up smacking Greymon and Garurumon in the face.

ExVeemon: Oy Vey! This isn’t working! Vee Laser!

The Fantom crouches down, and the laser goes over his head.

Censor Joe: Hey, what did this thing do again?

Censor Joe pulls Azulongmon’s Digi-Core out of the props cupboard.

Stingmon: Ooh, shiny!

Digimon: Greymon! Garurumon! Togemon! Birdramon! Ikkakumon! DIGIVOLVE TOOOO....!! MetalGreymon! WereGarurumon! Lillymon! Garudamon! Zudomon!

The Fantom yawns.

Fantom: You know, this seriously cuts into the show time... you Censors ever think about fiddling with it?

Censor Joe: Ooh! Take that down!

Censor Bob makes a note.

Zudomon: Vulcan’s HAMMER!

The Fantom narrowly avoids getting squooshed, but has his shoulder raked by Stingmon’s Spiking Strike.

Stingmon: Ha, ha! I hit the Fantom, I hit the Fantom!

The Fantom clubs Stingmon around the head with his cane.

Stingmon: Ow!

MetalGreymon: Giga Blaster!

The Fantom backflips up into the rafters, and the missiles explode on the spot where he was. He looks to the left, and sees Phantomon playing an organ - which is where “Run Around” is coming from.

Phantomon: I doo-ooo take requethtth, you knooo-oow.

Fantom: How about knocking the damn music off?

Phantomon: Ith that by the Beatleth?

The Fantom jumps back down as the smoke from the missiles clears - the blast wave has de-digivolved everyone close to it!

Fantom: Advantage - me!

Davis: Ah, geez! Let’s make with the swirly lights and stuff!

ExVeemon and Stingmon: ExVeemon! Stingmon! DNA Digivolve to... Paildramon!

Aquilamon and Gatomon: Aquilamon! Gatomon! DNA Digivolve to... Silphymon!

Ankylomon and Angemon: Ankylomon! Angemon! DNA Digivolve to... Shakkoumon!

Ken: Now, kick his goddamn ass!!

Yolei: I love it when you take charge, Kenny...

Ken hides behind Piedmon.

Piedmon: Don’t get me involved in this! I’ve enough problems of my own!

Paildramon: Let’s whoop some Fantom keister! *ExVeemon’s voice* Go left! *Stingmon’s voice* No, let’s go right! *ExVeemon* Left! *Stingmon* Right! *ExVeemon* Oh yeah? *Stingmon* Yeah! *ExVeemon* OH YEAH?! *Stingmon* YEAHH!

Paildramon commences hitting himself in the head. The Fantom blinks and turns his attention to the other two DNA Digivolved Ultimates.

Silphymon: Static... F...f... uh-oh... *crosses legs* ...stupid Big Gulp... I’ll be right back...

Silphymon darts off the battle field and to the bathrooms off to the side. Silphymon looks from left to right at the two doors - “Ladies” and “Gents.”

Silphymon: Which... ONE?!

Silphymon hops back and forth in front of the doors, and the Fantom massages the bridge of his nose.

Shakkoumon: Kachiiiinnnaaaaa Boooooooooo... ooohhhhh craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

Shakkoumon freezes in mid-motion and slumps over.

T.K.: Dammit, Cody! You forgot to wind him, didn’t you?

Cody: I knew I was forgetting something...

Cody produces a huge tin key, and he and T.K. clamber up on to Shakkoumon’s back and slot it into a large hole there.

T.K.: Okay, on my mark - turn! Mark!

Cody is catapulted into the air as T.K. turns the key.

Fantom: I don’t believe this. Come ON, people! This is the end of the arc! The big finish! We need to have a huge final battle! It’s IN my CONTRACT!

Agumon: Okay, then! You want a battle?

Fantom: Wouldn’t mind.

Gabumon: Then you got it!

Agumon: Agumon, warp-digivolve to... WarGreymon!

Gabumon: Gabumon, warp-digivolve to... MetalGarurumon!

Both: WarGreymon! MetalGarurumon! DNA Digivolve to... OMNIMONNNNNNNN!!!

Omnimon: Transcendant SWORD!

Fantom: Oh, so you settled on a name after that Christmas mess, did youuu-woah!

The Fantom ducks as Omnimon swings his sword at him. The Fantom pops the blade from his own cane, and clashes it against Omnimon’s blade.

Omnimon: Hey... I’m, like, ten times as tall as you...

Fantom: Shh! Be quiet, and the readers wont figure it out!

Omnimon grunts and hurls the Fantom backward.

Paildramon: *ExVeemon* OH YEAHHHH? *Stingmon* YEAAAAHHHH!!

The bomb deactivator clatters to the ground at Paildramon’s feet.

Paildramon: ...huh?

Fantom: Too slow!

The Fantom snatches it back again.

Paildramon: Too SLOW? We’ll show HIM! Paildramon, mega-digivolve to... IMPERIALDRAMON!

Imperialdramon: POSITRON LASER!

The Fantom somersaults sideways, and the laser smashes into Omnimon.

Fantom: Never mind the fact that a positron beam would obliterate Earth as we know it as a result of it’s positively charged electrons colliding with the negatively charged ones which orbit the composite atoms of our reality... but hey, what can you do...

Imperialdramon: *ExVeemon* You missed him! *Stingmon* No, YOU missed him! *ExVeemon* YOU!!

Imperialdramon starts hitting himself in the head again.

The Fantom comes to stop, and looks around.

Silphymon looks like it’s made a decision about which bathroom to use, but then changes its mind at the last minute. T.K. and Cody are still trying to wind Shakkoumon, while Omnimon has been knocked for six and is blathering about duckies and bunnies. Imperialdramon wrestles with himself, and then charges head first into a wall. Gomamon, Palmon, and Biyomon are just hiding behind their partners, who stare back at the Fantom. Censor Bob is still guzzling whipped cream, while Joe and Steve try to grab one of the cans from him. Charlene and Nimoy just look at each other.

Fantom: Well, this was a bit of a disappointment. I guess I’ll just leave you to get blown up now... which should be happening in about...


A cantaloupe lands on the Fantom’s head.

Fantom: Ow!


Fantom: OW! OW!


Izzy peers over the fourth wall. Chris stares back.

Chris: Don’t look at me, I’m not dropping them!

One more cantaloupe crashes down on the Fantom’s head, knocking him out cold. The bomb deactivator falls to the floor. Ken grabs it and quickly pushes the button. The timer stops, and everyone breathes a sigh of relief.

Tai: Now, let’s get rid of this thing...

BlackWarGreymon: Terror FORCE!

BlackWarGreymon blasts hole in the roof. Everyone just looks at him.

BlackWarGreymon: Hey, we COULD have done that before, couldn’t we? Oh well...

Imperialdramon picks up the bomb in his claws and flies up into the air several miles. Omnimon floats up, and stands on the roof outside. At supersonic speed, Imperialdramon return to his side, the bomb left up in the air, falling back down. Omnimon lifts his arm.


A purple bolt shoots off into the sky, following in a few seconds by an explosion as the bomb is destroyed harmlessly up in the sky.

Omnimon and Imperialdramon return to inside the studio, and separate into Agumon, Gabumon, Veemon and Wormmon. Silphymon screams and splits back into Gatomon and Hawkmon - Gatomon then charges into the ladies. Shakkoumon splits back into Patamon and Armadillomon.

Armadillomon: Missed the whole dang thing...

Davis grabs the Fantom by his collar, and lifts him up. The Fantom groans as he wakes up.

Davis: Now, let’s finally get a look at who you ARE!

Davis grabs the side of the Fantom’s mask, and rips it off!

Everyone in the studio gasps!

All of AFD gasps!

All of FF.N gasps!

Everything freeze frames!

- - -

On the other side of the fourth wall...

Chris: Stupid computer... freeze on ME, would you?

Chris sighs and reboots.

Chris: Okay, now, let’s see...

- - -

Izzy: Well, it’s not Willis...

Tai: It’s not Tentomon...

Sora: It’s not Michael...

Matt: It’s not Gennai...

Censor Joe: It’s got to be Nimoy’s insane cousin that he mentioned last time, then, doesn’t it?

As everyone looks down at the unmasked Fantom, Nimoy’s insane cousin strolls up behind them, and taps Nimoy on the shoulder.

Nimoy: Oh, hi Larry. How’d you get in here?

Nimoy’s Cousin: That’s not important. What is important is what’s happened to me since I escaped care - I’ve achieved spiritual nirvana and become one with the universe. Ain’t that just spanky?

Nimoy: Neat-O.

Nimoy’s cousin peers down at the unmasked Fantom.

Nimoy’s Cousin: Hey, look, Jeff...

Nimoy’s Cousin likes tension...

Nimoy’s Cousin:’s your evil twin brother, Clark!

Nimoy’s Cousin then wanders off, never to be seen, mentioned or used again. Everyone turns around and looks at Nimoy.

Censor Joe: You have a twin brother?

Censor Bob: And he’s the Fantom?!

Nimoy: Sort of...

Censor Steve: What do you mean?

Nimoy: I mean...

ALL the Nimoys like tension!

Nimoy: ...I’M Clark Nimoy!

Everyone: *GASP!*

Censor Joe: But... that means....

Fantom: Yes...

You know what’s coming...!

Fantom: ...I, the Fantom - AM JEFF NIMOY!!!!!!!


The Fantom - Nimoy - looks up into the rafters, scowling.

Phantomon: *looks back down* Thorry.

Censor Joe: But... but WHY, Nimoy?

Jeff Nimoy: You can DARE to ask me that, after the way you TREATED ME?!?

Censor Joe: Well, I...

Jeff Nimoy: The broom closets! Under the floorboards! I’M A HUMAN BEING, DAMN YOU!! Well, I just couldn’t take it any more! I got Clark to stand in for me, and I became the Fantom, to wreak my revenge on all of you - even the FANS! I tried to break your spirits... but it didn’t work! Then, I decided I’d destroy you ALL, so there would BE NO MORE DIGIMON, and then NO-ONE could HURT ME anymore!

Censor Bob slaps Jeff.

Jeff Nimoy: Ow!

Censor Bob: Newsflash, Nimoy... it didn’t work.

Clark Nimoy: Watch your backs, Censor scum! I’ve suffered what Jeff had to, and now I hate you as much as he does! I’ll get you but GOOD!

Jeff Nimoy: C’mon, Clark, don’t steal my thunder.

Clark Nimoy: Shut up.

Jeff Nimoy: No, you shut up.

Clark Nimoy: No, YOU shut up!

Jeff Nimoy: You WOULD say that!

Clark Nimoy: Mother always loved you more!

Jeff Nimoy: Damn right, she did!

Censor Joe: As amusing as watching you two is, what do we do now? We can’t put our head writer in jail... but if we keep him on, he could try and, y’know, kill us.

Jeff Nimoy: Aw, don’t worry about me, boss. Being the Fantom really helped me blow off steam. I’m ready to come back and write like I’ve never written before! DUCKIES AND BUNNIES, I TELL YOU! DUCKIES AND BUNNIES!

Censor Joe: Well, the police will want answers... and if we tell them the truth, you’ll go to jail...

Jeff Nimoy: Not necessarily...

Everyone looks at Clark.

Clark Nimoy: What? WHAT?!

- - -

Clark Nimoy: I’m innocent! It was my brother, I tell you! MY EVIL TWIN BROTHER!

Cop: Aye, that’s what they all say, laddy. Into th’ paddy wagon with ye, begorrah.

Up in the recording studio, which Nimoy has unlocked, everyone watches as Clark is dragged off.

Tai: Well, all’s well that end’s well.

Everyone looks around at the demolished recording studio.

Davis: Yup.

Everyone walks off. Tentomon zips down from the rafters.

Izzy: Where’ve you been?

Tentomon: I finished, Izzy! I finished!

Izzy: You ate all the cantaloupes?

Tentomon: Well, not ALL. A couple were left - but they said they didn’t want to be eaten.

Izzy: ...O... kay.

Charlene: Weirdo.

Tentomon: When I heard the noise of the fight, I came right away! But I was so full, I knew I couldn’t help in the fight. So I just sat up in the rafters...

Izzy: ...and YOU dropped the cantaloupes! Good work!

Tentomon: Pardon?

Izzy: You dropped the cantaloupes that knocked him out.

Tentomon: No, Izzy... I didn’t drop any cantaloupes...

Izzy: But if you didn’t... then... who did...?

The camera zooms in on a lone cantaloupe, lying on the floor. Suddenly, silently, apparently of it’s own accord, it begins to roll away...

- - -


“The Saga of the FOX Kids Fantom” is over! But there’s more to come! Be on the look out for -


- when this stupid mess is cleared up once and for ALL!

- - -


Click HERE to download a zipped file of audio samples from this fic! There's the DNA Digivolved Digimon fighting the Fantom, and then the Megas going up against him!