What the hell is this? A NEW FIC?! That's riiiiight!

I've been very busy in the last few months, which is why you haven't seen any new fics from me for a while - that, and I was running low on ideas. I had a Daemon Corps 3-parter lined up to follow the Halloween special, but never got aroudn to doing it.

One of the things I've been doing in the intermediate months is The Fanatic's Guide to Digimon, which you can read at my website. While composing the guide to Digimon: The Movie, I came across some very interesting little titbits... and so, with a little help, they have grown into... THIS! All the things that you are about to see pointed out actually do occur in the movie, and it's one big fat mystery that needs a-solving...

- - -


By Chris McFeely

With an economy-sized tip of the hat to Megaraptor!

- - -

Izzy walks along the halls of the Sensation Animation building, grumbling, with Charlene - still in her D-Terminal body after the events of "Don't Fear D-Reaper!" - in his hand. Daemon walks behind him.

Izzy: BAH! Months! MONTHS without a new fic written!

Charlene: I've - been - so - bored!

Izzy: It's amazing how little happens around here whenever wacky adventures are not ensuing as a result of a wigged-out author.

Daemon: The fourth season be half over and he ain't written a single thing about it, yo!

Charlene: I - have - this - odd - feeling - that's - going - to - change - soon.

Izzy and Daemon wink at the camera.

Charlene: Don't - make - me - tell - you - again.

Izzy: I can't believe we got stuck with archive duty in the interim!

Daemon: It's a bad trip bein' the author's favourite characters, man.

Charlene: Managing - the - old - show - library - is - not - my - idea - of - fun.

Izzy pushes open a door marked "Archives." Video cassettes are piled up around the room.

Daemon: We gotta clean this shit up some time, yo.

Izzy: What are we doing today, anyway?

Charlene: Checking - schedule... *bleep* ...we're - logging - the - movie - today.

Izzy: Oh, rapture of raptures.

Daemon: Got that piece right here, suckas.

Daemon holds up a video cassette, marked "movie." Charlene and Izzy hiss at it. Daemon puts it into the machine, and everyone sits down in swivel chairs to watch.

Charlene: Psst. Is - this - the - real - movie - or - the - parody - version - that's - part - of - the - fic - continuity?

Izzy: It's -

Daemon: SHHH!!

Izzy and Charlene hush up, and watch the movie quietly.

- - -

A truck almost runs Kari and Big Agumon over.

Daemon: Yo, what did the side of that truck say?

Charlene: I - think - it - was... "Factry Mark."

Daemon: That mean anything to you, homie?

Izzy: Nah, I'm sure it's nothing.

- - -

On screen, Kuramon hatches and sends his "hello" e-mail.

Izzy: Heh, I never noticed that.

Charlene: What?

Izzy: The e-mail address. It's "@@@@@.djm.factorymark.co.jp."

Daemon: Back that ass up, sucka. That sounded familiar.

Charlene: "Factory Mark"...

Izzy: Odd...

- - -

Tsumemon eats data, and a cash register goes nuts.

Charlene: HEY! Did - you - see - that?!

Izzy: What is it?

Charlene: That - sign - said - "Factory Mark!"

Daemon: This be some crazy shit, right here!

- - -

Keramon appears.

Everyone jumps up and points at the screen - specifically at the address of the window he appears in.


- - -

During the third bit of the movie...

Daemon: Who the fuggidy-f*ck is this blonde kid, anyway?

- - -

The end credits roll.

Izzy: Well... I didn't see any more "Factory Marks"...

Daemon: Who in the hizzell is Mark, and why is he pimpin' his factory in our movie, yo?

Charlene: This - warrants - further - investigation!

- - -

In the cafeteria, various cast members sit around the tables, lunching, as is their wont. On one side of the room... shock! It's the season four kids! Zoe carries over everyone's lunches and sets them down on the table, just happening to give the camera a good lengthy shot of her butt as she bends over.

Zoe: It's a living, si?

Tommy picks up his sandwich, and lifts the top slice.

Tommy: M... m... m... mustard...? *lower lip trembles, and he then bursts into tears*

Tommy runs out of the cafeteria, blubbering wildly, as Izzy, Charlene and Daemon enter.

Charlene: What's - up - with - the - new - kid?

J.P. slides Tommy's sandwich onto his own plate.

J.P.: It's a well known fact that sandwiches weren't actually *invented* by the Earl of Sandwich, merely popularised by him.

Koji: I can't even conceive why you think I would want to know that. I hate you.

Takuya: C'mon, Koji, lighten up! Eat your sandwich!

Koji: I hate sandwiches. And I hate you, too. *points at Izzy* AND you.

Izzy: I don't even KNOW you.

Koji: Still.

Charlene: I - like - this - kid...

Koji: Yeah? Well I HATE you.

Izzy: We don't have time for this... come on...

As they walk off, Zoe pops into the shot and winks at the camera.

Daemon: Woah! Baby got back! Back that thang up ovah here, J-Lo!

A spark of electricity zaps Daemon in the behind.

Charlene: Mind. Gutter. OUT.

Zoe: Hey!

Charlene: Strumpet.

The trio approaches a corner of the room filled with a snorting, grunting noise... the fearsome noise that accompanies the feeding of... the Censors!

Izzy: Uh, excuse me...

Censor Joe: Eating.

Daemon: Yo, word to your mother!

Censor Bob: Eeeeating.

Charlene: What - the - hell - is - "Factory Mark?"

Censor Steve: Well -

Joe and Bob choke all of a sudden, their nachos almost coming out their noses, as Bob slaps his hands over Steve's mouth, and Joe moves in front of both of them.

Censor Joe: Ah... a-heh... uh... where did you hear that name?

Izzy: It's all over the Digimon movie. Didn't you know?

Censor Joe: *blinks* No. No, I did not.

Daemon: So, y'all know what it is, or what, honky?

Censor Joe: ...we have to go now.

The Censors rush out of the room, leaving behind the remnants of their meal.

Charlene: Strange... they - left - food.

They turn back to look at the table and see J.P. scooping their leftovers onto his plate.

J.P.: And speaking of Nachos, did you happen to know what while American packaging for cheese Doritos is red, other countries package them in orange bags?

Daemon: No. No, I did not.

- - -

The Censors kneel before the towering black throne of the mighty CEO Vader.

Censor Joe: Oh great and powerful CEO of Fox K... err, I mean, Sensation Animation - the archivists have found the trail of Factory Mark!

CEO Vader purses his lips beneath his helmet, and steeples his fingers.

CEO Vader: Hmn. A curious twist in the plot, from which wackiness will ensue. I take it the author is writing again?

The Censors all nod.

CEO Vader: About damn time. I was getting lonely.

Censor Bob: Ah, sir...? Factory Mark...?

CEO Vader: Ah, yes. To think that such an unassuming name could hide such a thing...

Censor Joe: Oh, powerful one, why was it allowed to find it's way into the movie? Surely such a thing was a great risk!

CEO Vader: Well, sure, I know that NOW...

Censor Steve: What's so wrong with them finding out?

Joe and Bob simultaneously slap Steve in the back of the head.

CEO Vader: They must NOT be allowed to uncover the secrets of Factory Mark. This, I command!

- - -

Izzy and Charlene walk home (well, Izzy walks, Charlene gets carried) through Odaiba. Izzy looks around, walking slowly as a result.

Charlene: What - are - you - looking - for?

Izzy: I'm sure I recognised that sign from the movie... it's got to be around here somewhere...

Charlene: Oh - are - you - STILL - stuck - on - that? It's - SO - two - pages - ago!

Izzy: THERE!

Izzy points, and Charlene looks - the Factory Mark sign is not too far away, standing out in bright white and green.

Charlene: Well - bugger - me - backwards.

Izzy: Let's investigate that sign first!

- - -

Charlene: It's - a - grocery - store.

The automatic doors "ding" open, as Izzy walks through. A voice crackles over a loud speaker, playing on a loop.

Voice: Welcome to Factory Mark, for all your shopping needs. Shop at Factory Mark!

Izzy: Well, this is... anticlimactic.

Charlene: Isn't - it - always?

Izzy: Well... uh... should we look around?

Charlene: F*ck - that. Just - grab - me - a - Zagnut - bar - and - let's - get - outta - here. I'm - missin' - the - Wheel.

Izzy walks up to the counter, and is greeted by a grinning girl.

Grocery Girl: Welcome to Factory Mark, what can I get for you?

Izzy: I'd like a-

Voice: I'll take this one.

The girl turns around, and a towering black rectangular obelisk has appeared behind her.

Grocery Girl: Oh, okay sir. I'm going to get some coffee, okay?

Obelisk: Yeah, get me one too, will ya? Cream, no sugar.

Grocery Girl: Got it.

The girl leaves, and the obelisk hovers over to the cash register, looming above Izzy and Charlene, shimmering with a reddish light.

Obelisk: Welcome to Factory Mark, what can I get for you?

Izzy: Sir, we were wondering if you could explain why your store appears in "Digimon: The Movie."

Obelisk: You must be mistaken, young man. We don't allow advertising.

Izzy: But-

Obelisk: You are MISTAKEN.

There is crash of thunder, and the entire store is lit up for a second as if red lightning had just struck.

Izzy: ...right. Okay. Thanks for your time. Bye.

Izzy quickly walks out the door.

Charlene: What - about - my - candy?

Izzy: Charlene, you don't have a *mouth.*

Charlene: Oh - sure - bring - up - THAT - old - chestnut.

- - -

Meanwhile, back in the store...

A door opens in the wall behind the obelisk, and it floats back through it, the wall closing behind it. More obelisks appear in the darkened room around it, in front of a large screen.

Obelisk: They have been deterred, sir.

Voice from Screen: You are certain?

Obelisk: One of our number is trailing them to make sure they do not attempt to locate our other facilities.

- - -

Izzy and Charlene walk along the street, being followed by an obelisk with a cap and a lollipop.

Charlene: There's - something - not - right - about - that - kid.

Izzy: Sshh, don't stare. He can't help it.

- - -

Back in the room in the store... the screen flickers, now showing CEO Vader instead of the previous speaker.

CEO Vader: It is imperative that the secrets of Factory Mark are not revealed.

Obelisk #2: Vee are takink steps to ensure zat zis does not be happenink.

Obelisk #3: Our world would crumble if such a thing were to occur.

Obelisk #4: The fate of destruction is also the joy of rebirth!

All: ...

Obelisk #4: Whoops. Sorry. I think I'm in the wrong show.

- - -

The next morning, in the Sensation Animation building...

Daemon: Yo! Yo, Izz-meister! We got some funky-ass shiznit goin' down, yo!

Izzy: (to Charlene) I've been meaning to ask, do you actually understand a word he says?

Charlene: You - just - ain't - hip - wit - da - big - dawgs. (To Daemon) What's - da - word - on - da - street - blood?

Daemon: See, yo, me an' that J.P. kid was just chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' an' coolin' an' we watched that movie again, yo, so I could point that crazy-ass Factory Mark shit out to him. But it done weren't not there no more!

Izzy: Okay, now, that last sentence wasn't street talk, that was just gibberish...

Charlene: Lay - the - 411 - on - me - Big - Daddy - D.

Daemon leads them into the Archives room, and hits 'play' on the video machine. He presses the fast forward button to reach the Factory Mark moments, but each time, the words are gone, as if they had never been there in the first place.

Izzy: Fascinating...

Daemon: Incidentally, did ya'll know that European chocolate giant, Cadbury's, puts a glass of full cream milk in every bar?

J.P. sticks his head around the door.

J.P.: A glass *and a half.*

Daemon: Oh, yeah. Word.

J.P.: Peace.

Charlene: This - is - a - mystery - wrapped - inside - an - enigma - all - rolled - up - in - a - big - stupid - thing.

Izzy: I think it's about time we asked some of the others if they know anything about this...

- - -

Bokomon: Factory Mark... Factory Mark... no, I'm sorry, I can't say as I do, old chap!

Bokomon slaps his book shut, and shakes his head.

Neemon: I'll ask my pants! What's that you say, pants? You don't know either? My pants don't know either!

Izzy: (whispers) Is he talking to his pants?

Neemon: What's that? Oh, right! (To Izzy) My pants think that's big talk coming from you, computer-talker-to-er.

Bokomon: Old boy, would you please stuff a sock in it? It's evident these good people are on a serious quest for the virtues of knowledge!

Neemon: ...my pants don't like you.

Daemon: What about these suckas?

Daemon jerks his thumb back over his shoulder, indicating Duskmon, Grumblemon, Ranamon, Mercurymon and Arbormon as they walk down the hall.

Bokomon: I shouldn't bother, chaps.

Charlene: Why - not?

Bokomon: Well, the fact of the matter is, my dear, that in the case of the majority of those individuals, their personalities are already so ostentatious that they seem unto parodies already, negating their real need to be focused upon in such a manner to showcase any quirks within this universe we call "fic."

Neemon: My pants said that first! They'll kill you for stealing it!

Bokomon snaps Neemon's pants.

Neemon: Ow! Just keep pushing the pants...

Izzy: Well, just in case... (to the villains) Excuse me...?

Ranamon: Hey, shugah!


Mercurymon: Sally forth, what ho!

Grumblemon: Grumblemon SMASH!

Bokomon: I warned you.

Duskmon: mY liFe IS pAIn.

Charlene: McFeely - truly - is - a - master - of - the - bizarre.

Further down the hall, the Censors are peeking around the corner. They move back out of view and lean against the wall.

Censor Joe: Doesn't look like they've got the picture yet...

Censor Bob: Lord Vader will surely employ more dangerous methods...

Censor Steve: I really don't get what all the secrecy is about.

Steve puts his hand behind his head and cranes his neck back... then realises the part of the wall he's leaning on is an obelisk.

Obelisk: Misplaced loyalty will not be brooked.

Steve blinks, and the obelisk is gone.

Censor Steve: Did you...?

Censor Joe: Say nothing.

Censor Bob: Not a word.

The Censors make themselves scarce as Izzy angrily rounds the corner, swinging his arms, causing Charlene to bump off a wall.

Charlene: EASY!

Izzy: Ah, sorry, this whole thing is just irritating my cerebellum. None of the other DigiDestined even have a clue about the whole thing...

Daemon: What about them Tamers kids?

Charlene: Yeah - - they - could - handle - a - good - mystery.

Izzy: Oh, they're... uh...

- - -

In a dumpster, in the back alley behind the building...

Takato: Boy, those Toei and Disney guys really don't cut you much slack when your ratings get low, do they?

Henry: Wise man once say, home is where you find it.

Rika: It's your f*cking fault we're living in a f*cking dumpster, f*ckstick.

D-Reaper: BAD!

- - -

Izzy: ...they're indisposed.


Izzy: Gheee... in*disposed*... disposed... dumpster...

Charlene & Daemon: ...

Izzy: What, I can't make a joke?

Daemon: That weren't no joke.

Izzy: Okay, okay - did you hear the one about the man who tried to hold up a bank with a gun made of Jell-O?

Daemon & Charlene: ...

Izzy: He got fifteen years for holding a congealed weapon.


Daemon smacks his forehead.

Charlene: Can - we - please - pack - this - the - hell - in - now? I - still - want - that -candy.

Izzy: Ahh, I suppose so. But you know I hate leaving a mystery unsolved...

Charlene: CANDY!!

Izzy: All right, all right!

The trio shuffle off, and, by and by, the Frontier kids come a-walking down the hall.

J.P.: ...and that's what Daemon told me. No-one knows what this "Factory Mark" is all about! Some story, huh?

Tommy: *bites lip* I d-didn't like that s-story...

Takuya: We gotta help them!

Zoe: Why, exactly?

Takuya: I dunno! We just gotta!

Koji: I hate helping. What are we going to do?

Takuya: I dunno! But we gotta find out what Factory Mark is!

Koji: I hate finding stuff out.

Tommy: F-f-f-finding stuff out...? *sniffle*

Takuya: It's all up to us! Let's go, guys, we've got a mystery to solve!

Takuya thrusts his fist into the air, and the scene changes to a painted still shot. Oh, the excitement and sense of unity.

Bokomon and Neemon walk on screen.

Bokomon: What lies ahead for the DigiDestined as they try to unravel the riddle of Factory Mark?

Neemon: My pants know! But do you?

Bokomon: Read the next exciting adventure of the Mighty Morphin' DigiDestined Rangeerrrrrr...IIII mean, of Digimon season four... to find out!

- - -


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