Again, the scene reopens in the bar. We pan across the scene,
strangely, Chris is nowhere to be
seen. Myotismon is leaning on the bar, next to Jun.
Myotismon: Can I sign your shirt? *grin*
Piedmon: HEY! What are you doing with that hussy?!
Myotismon: I... uh.. its... not what it looks like!
Elsewhere in the room, Kari is trying to get TK to talk to her again.
Kari: I was *joking*, TK!
TK: Oh yeah? How do I know that?
Kari: Oh, come on! Look at all the awards we won!
Kari points, and we see that theres a large pile of award in the corner,
after they won so many in the
Kari: The voters obviously can tell theres something between us, and they
TK: Well... maybe...
TK and Kari abruptly start making out, and stagger backwards, knocking over
the pile of awards. We see
that Ken was hiding behind them.
Yolei: There he is!
Susan: Keep away from him!
Yolei: Try and stop me!
Ken: Hey, girls, whats that over there?
Ken points and Susan and Yolei turn around.
Ken runs off. Susan and Yolei grin and rush off after him.
The scene pans along some more, until its outside of the bar. In the hall,
we can see Chris, talking with a
pair of paramedics.
Paramedic #1: Yeah, his eyell be fine. It was just a scratch.
Chris: Thats a relief. I need him for an award gag later.
Paramedic #2: Hell be able to do that, I think.
Chris: Sweet. Thanks for the time.
The paramedics leave, and Chris looks at his watch.
Chris: Ah, geez, now were running late... *pulls out his cell phone*
...Hello? Yeah, its me. Get everyone
back in the amphitheatre.
A Bakemons voice comes over the loudspeakers, giving the order. The
audience crowds in and takes its
seats, as the Digimon Theme starts playing again. Chris walks out on stage.
Chris: Good evening again, friends, and welcome back to:
THE FIRST ANNUAL DIGI-AWARDS!
Chris: Now lets get stuck into:
SECTION THREEL: ALT.FAN.DIGIMON & THE DIGI-WARS!
Chris: For this section, *I* will be presenting all the awards, just to give
it that extra personal touch. For the
first couple, Im gonna be assisted by winners and losers from our previous
awards. However, I didnt
actually get many votes for this section, as a whole. I guess people were
worried about how those they
voted for - or more likely, those they DIDNT vote for - would react. So,
CATEGORY ONE - MOST POPULAR AFDer
Chris: To help me present this award, please put your hands together and
welcome winner of Most Popular
01 DigiDestined - Izzy!
Izzy walks out, with The AOL Song playing. He reaches the lectern and
shakes Chriss hand.
Chris: Tell me, Izzy, wheres that crazy laptop of yours tonight?
Izzy: Shes not a crazy laptop - her name is Charlene, and shes out in
the audience. *points and waves*
Chris squints and can see Izzys laptop sitting open on a seat.
Laptop: Keep - your - hands - off - my - baby - you - hack!
Chris: That is VERY disturbing.
Izzy: The votes for Most Popular AFDer were:
1 - Zenigame
1 - Thomas
1 - Chris McFeely
1 - Foratog
2 - Areku
2 - Clare
2 - Phantom6
3 - Raptordx1
Chris: Congratulations, Raptor! Even though you seem to hate AFD, it loves
Raptor comes up onto the stage and accepts his award.
Raptor: Id like to thank everyone that voted for me, and Id especially
like to say a big thank you to Susan.
Chris: ...uh... where IS Susan?
Ken runs past.
Izzy: Just wait a second...
Yolei and Susan appear.
Chris: There ya go.
Susan: Congrats, sweetie! *gives Raptor a hug*
Yolei doesnt stop, however, and runs on.
Susan: Ack! Now look what you did - shes got more of a lead on him now!
Susan darts off.
Chris: Yknow, I think this gag may be running a tad stale...
Chris snaps his fingers, and Susan, Yolei and Ken suddenly appear back in
Chris: Its good to be the king.
Izzy: If you want to talk about stale jokes - quit SAYING that!
Chris: Get away from me, kid, you bother me. WAUGH!
Raptor: Hrm... Im... just gonna sit down again.
Chris: You do that. *turns back to Izzy* Id like to see you come up with
better comedy, boy. *pokes Izzy
in the chest*
Laptop: I - said - dont - TOUCH - him!!
A bolt of electricity jumps from the laptop and zaps Chris. Izzy takes his
seat and hugs his laptop.
Izzy: Thanks, Charlene!
Laptop: My - pleasure - honey.
Chris: *coughs and a smoke cloud floats into the air* Uhm... moving swiftly
CATEGORY TWO - FUNNIEST AFDer
Chris: To help me out with this award, get on your feet for winner of Most
Popular Rookie, and the one
thats thought of as funny - Gomamon!
Gomamon crawls out, with that circus music playing.
Gomamon: Can we get this over with quick?
Chris: Are you still bitter?
Gomamon: NO! I just dont need to see OTHER people getting awards for being
funny when that stupid
flying hamsters already won one over me...
Chris: Youre bitter.
Gomamon: I AM NOT, DAMN YOU!
Chris: Yikes! Geez, okay, okay, just do the votes, then.
Gomamon: The votes for Funniest AFDer were:
1 - Thomas
2 - Areku
3 - Susan
4 - Chris McFeely
WHAT?! Are you KIDDING me?! You think THIS MORON is FUNNY?!?
Chris: ...me? I won? Let me see that, thats got to be a misprint...
Chris takes the card from Gomamon and reads over it.
Gomamon: My sentiments exactly.
Gomamon throws Chriss Digi at him, and Chris catches it. Gomamon drops down
from the lectern and
shuffles offstage, in a huff.
Chris: ...wow. Uhm, Im not sure what to say here... so Ill just say thank
you to everyone who voted for
me, and that Im glad you like my stuff.
Myotismon & Piedmon: Were gay!
Sora: He loves me!
Kari: I hate him!
Laptop: Im - alive!
Mimi & Matt: Mimato does not exist!
Gomamon: *back in his seat* And you people think... THAT... is FUNNY?
The audience *thwap*s Gomamon.
Chris sets his Digi aside.
Chris: Im not going to go on about this, so, well move on to the next
CATEGORY THREE - MOST ANNOYING AFDer
Chris: To aid me this time, say hello to Tai!
Tai walks out, with Youre The One That I Want playing.
Tai: Okay... now... Ive warned you about that... and the fact that its
playing when Im out here with you is
Chris storms backstage. Theres a crash, the music stops, and little bits of
vinyl fly out onto the stage. Chris
Chris: Thats THAT. Now, read the votes.
Tai: The votes for Most Annoying AFDer were:
1 - Jolly Trolly
2 - Black Hole the Walrus
2 - Dominus Fenix
2 - Dima Sofanov
3 - Areku
Chris: Well, what do you know about that? Its a regular, well-liked poster
who winds up winning, rather
than an established troll! Hows that for a turn of events!
Areku comes up on stage and accepts his award.
Areku: Id like to say that...
Fenix stands up out of his seat in the audience. Hes... um... got a
computer strapped to his head, covering
his face completely.
Fenix: How the hell did he win? Im the TROLL! Youre not SUPPOSED to like
me! That award is MINE!
Chris: What the hell are you doing with that computer? Did that thing with
your eyeball leave you horribly
disfigured - even moreso, I mean - and you needed something to cover it up?
...Im sure you coulda found
something better than that...
Fenix: No, you stupid Mick!
Chris: Well, what then?
Fenix: Im using the Internet as a mask.
The entire audience, and everyone on stage, including Chris, falls over,
Chris: On that GODAWFUL gag, lets move along...
Areku: But I didnt...
Chris: Oh, must you?
Areku: Yes! My fangirls demand it!
Chris: Very well, very well...
Areku: Id like to thank...
Chris surreptitiously tugs the cord out of the microphone, and Areku keeps
talking, not realising whats
happened. A few minutes later, Chris plugs it back in.
Areku: ...blue donkey balls! Thank you!
The audience claps in a rather confused manner, as Areku resumes his seat.
Chris: Im dying up here... say thanks to Tai, everyone.
Tai takes his seat, with no music, thankfully, as the audience applauds.
CATEGORY FOUR - MOST POPULAR AFD FANFIC WRITER
Chris: Oooh... to do this award, please will you give a warm welcome to
Chris: ...to SORA!
Chris: GET OUT HERE!
Sora is forcibly pushed on stage by a Bakemon.
Sora: ...for Gods sake, dont make me go out there with him!
My Girl starts playing, as Sora stomps her way over to the lectern.
Chris: How nice to see you again.
Sora: Cram it! And turn that damned music off!
Chris: ...but I picked it just for you...
Sora snatches the card with the votes on it from Chris.
Sora: The votes for Most Popular Fanfic Writer were...
Chris: Hey, come on, slow down! Well never get any time up here together if
Sora stands on Chriss foot.
Sora: A-HEM.... the votes were:
3 - Susan
4 - Chris McFeely
Wha-AT?! *HE* won?! Another one?
Chris: *ceases hopping around on one foot* Oh, youve got to be joking.
Sora: Unfortunately not.
Sora hands Chris his Digi, and he takes it, looking rather dazed.
Chris: Uh... thanks again, everyone.
Sora: Grr... Im contractually required to ask you this now... so, Chris,
what can we expect to see from you
in the future?
Chris: Well, Sora, after these awards, Ill of course have to finish
Ascension - you have no idea how much
time these awards took to write up - and after that... or perhaps during,
you can look forward to The
Wizardmon of Oz, a delightful little romp that puts Kari in the starring
Sora: Okay, now, are we done here?
Chris: I am.
Sora hastily leaves the stage, with My Girl playing again. Chris puts his
Chris: I dont think thats right, having the host win an award... not to
mention TWO awards... but anyway...
were moving on to look at the Digi-Wars! now. Now, according to my ballots,
approximately five people
read the DW! - ie: I didnt get many votes. Barely any. So Im not wasting
time trying to drag gags out of
this. Im going to quickly run through the results on my own, and just throw
the awards out to the winners
in the audience - seeing as I dont read the DW! either, so I couldnt hope
to have the characters come up
here and act in any way accurately, as I dont know who they even are. Here
CATEGORY FIVE - MOST POPULAR DW! DIGIDESTINED
1 - Kevin
1 - Mike
1 - Amber
1 - Gaia
2 - Tommy
CATEGORY SIX - MOST POPULAR DW! ROOKIE DIGIMON
1 - Bukamon
1 - Patamon
2 - Gizamon
CATEGORY SEVEN - MOST POPULAR DW! CHAMPION DIGIMON
1 - Frigimon
1 - Archangewomon
1 - Veedramon
2 - StarGomamon
CATEGORY EIGHT - MOST POPULAR DW! CHAMPION DIGIMON
1 - SkullMeramon
1 - RazorKabuterimon
1 - MetalTyrannomon
2 - Angewomon
CATEGORY NINE - MOST POPULAR DW! WRITER
1 - Zenigame
2 - Thomas
2 - Tech Weaver Mask
CATEGORY TEN - FAVOURITE DW! EPISODE
1 - The last episode of CJQ
1 - Rebirth
1 - Ends and Beginnings
Chris: *gasp, wheeze, pant, puff* Did it! In less than a page! I know you
all probably feel kinda ripped off
now, that I ran through that so quickly, but seriously, do you SEE how few
votes there were? I couldnt
have got any material from that. Unless I got old characters to come up and
continued with more running
jokes, which, after fifty pages, are growing very tiresome.
The Digimon Theme starts playing again.
Chris: Well, with that, we come to the end of this section. Go on and do
what ya gotta do, but make sure to
come back for the fourth and final section, the Miscellaneous section, where
well be addressing all those
wierd and wonderful issues that just dont fit into other categories!
The lights go out, and Chris walks offstage as the audience files out.
END PART THREE!