- - -
The Digimon crew have been sent tumbling through space and time, due to a disruption of reality accidentally caused by Willis and Henry coming into contact. After trips to the "Star Trek" and "Power Rangers" universes, they've found themselves in a much more familiar world - it's OUR world, and they've arrived just in time for this year's Digi-Awards!
- - -
We open up on a hand cleaning a glass... it's a familiar scene, as the camera pans out, and we see Leomon, behind a bar, whistling. He flips the towel he's using over his shoulder, and puts the glass away.
We pan out, to show the rest of the bar. It's decorated rather gaudily with lots of shiny Christmas ornaments... paper chains, mistletoe and holly are all around the room. Even the bar has cotton wool stuck to it to simulate snow.
At the end of the bar, a figure sits... if you were to look at him for too long, you'd go blind, as he's wearing a shiny, bright green tuxedo, made up of several hundred thousand sequins. Why... it's me! Chris!
Leomon: That time of the year again, huh?
Chris knocks back the last of his eggnog.
Chris: Yep. Like the tux?
Leomon: Will my pay be affected by my answer?
Chris: Bet your ass it will.
Leomon: Calvin Klein has nothing on you, sir.
Chris: Hey, hey, check this out, it's really cool...
Chris stands up, and turns so that his back is facing Leomon. He presses one of his cufflinks, and the words "DIGI-AWARDS 2001" appear, spelt out in red lights, across his back, as "Jingle Bells" plays out of a speaker in his bow tie.
Leomon: *shudders* ...wonderful.
Chris: I thought so, anyway.
In the distance, a drum roll can be heard. Chris adjusts his collar, and turns off his lights and music.
Chris: Let's make the magic happen.
Chris walks out the door, down the hall, and into the backstage area. Bakemon zip back and forth, setting up the lights and sound systems once again. They gave me a discount for repeat business, you see.
We cut out to the main hall. There are decorations all around here, as well, with more of that cotton wool on the front of the stage, and large plastic Santa and snowmen figures on either side of the main door. On the left of the stage, a huge Christmas tree sits, full decorated, with Starmon sitting atop it.
Starmon: This here tree's mighty pointy, ah can tell ya that.
The audience talks quietly amongst itself. This year's audience is comprised of:
- All twelve Japanese DigiDestined, and their Digimon
- The International DigiDestined, and their Digimon
- The kids' families, and innumerable other supporting Digimon characters, including Censors Joe, Bob and Steve
- The cast of Season Three, who are bitter and don't want to be here because there isn't a section for them
- The entire crew of Alt.Fan.Digimon
- A selection of representatives from Megchan's Digimon Messageboard, and Pojo.Com's Digimon Gossip Board
Everyone is in formal wear. Henry and Willis span two seats, still frozen together with interdimensional energy. Someone's managed to put tuxedoes on them. On stage, a projection screen hangs down, with the image of this year's Digi-Award on it - unlike last year's Black Gear design, this year's consists of a Dark Spiral wrapped around a post, all coloured golden.
The lights go out, and the audience falls silent, as the Digi-Rap begins to play... sort of.
"The Digi-Awards are up and running,
You saw, you heard, you knew they were coming!
This ceremony starts here today,
Let me hear you say...!"
There's an explosion on stage as the lights come on, with glitters and streamers raining down over it. On each side, troupes of Gekomon and Otamamon dance, wearing top hats and little tuxedos and holding canes, as, in the middle of it all, an Airdramon - wearing a Santa hat - flies down, with Chris on his back. The Digi-Rap continues to thunder out of the speakers, now with it's normal lyrics.
Chris jumps off the Airdramon, which flies back upwards, out of view, and spins around, hitting his cufflink, and displaying the light-up message for all to see.
Chris: MERRY CHRISTMAS, LADIES AND GENTLEMON!! IT'S:
- - -
THE DIGI-AWARDS 2001!
"Take Me To Another World!" Part Three
With your hard-working host, Chris McFeely!
- - -
There is applause, as the Digi-Rap fades out, and the Gekomon and Otamamon dance offstage.
Chris: Has it really been a year already, since that first groundbreaking awards show? Actually, it's been more than a year. I've been lazy. Sorry folks! But we have more ballots this year around, with additional voters from outside of AFD (unlike last year), coming from the two biggest camps of Digi-fans out there - why, we even got votes from Megchan herself! So, without further adieu, let's get this ball rolling, and start with:
SECTION ONE: DIGIMON ADVENTURE (SEASON ONE)
Chris: Turn the clock back to 1999, and remember the glory of the show's first season. There have been some shake-ups to the votes this year... and I got rid of those goddamn quote questions, just like I promised I would! Let's begin, shall we?
CATEGORY ONE: MOST POPULAR DIGIDESTINED
Chris: We're not using any kind of chronological or popularity order with our presenters this year, as we were last time, so to present this award, put your hands together for goggle boy number three, Takato!
Takato grins as he walks up onto the stage. He shakes Chris's hand.
Takato: Pleasure to be here.
Chris: As there's no section for Tamers this year, I thought that it was only fair that you could at least come to the show and present an award or two.
Rika: *in audience* You mighta ASKED first, JERK-OFF!
Chris: Flattery won't get you anywhere with me, missy. Now, Takato, how 'bout you read them votes?
Takato: Eee, lookit all the names... the votes for Most Popular DigiDestined were:
1 - Mimi
2 - T.K.
2 - Tai
3 - Sora
4 - Joe
5 - Matt
5 - Kari
8 - Izzy
Chris: Yup, that's right - Most Popular DigiDestined, now two years running - it's Izzy!
In the audience, Izzy gasps, and hugs Charlene, before running up on stage, and accepting his award from Takato.
Takato: Oh DEAR GOD, HE TOUCHED MY HAND! MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!!
Izzy: I'd like to say a big thank you to everyone who voted for me!
Chris toes Takato aside.
Chris: Let's see what the fans had to say about this category...
The screen descends from above again, and video footage plays of fans voicing their opinions.
"Izzy, considering the other 01 DD couldn't think their way out of a paper bag." - Bob's Replacement
"Yamato/Matt. He was a nice take on the whole "Joe the Condor" type of dickweed supporting character. And his hair ruled." - Lynxara
"Koushiro *__*" - AylaKitty
"Yamato. He's cute, smart, angsty, what more do you want? :p" - Megchan
Chris: No-one ever seems to be terribly vocal over this category...
Izzy: I'd also like to thank Charlene, my dearest one. Without her love and encouragement, I never could have...
Charlene (out in audience): Get - off - the - stage - and - let - them - get - on - with - the - show!
Izzy: Yes dear.
Izzy holds up his award, and walks offstage, as the audience applauds.
Chris: And also, give it up for Takato!
Two Bakemon pick up Takato and dump him back in his seat.
CATEGORY TWO: MOST POPULAR IN-TRAINING DIGIMON
Chris: After last year, I know that time is of the essence, and with so many extra questions this year, I REALLY can't afford to move slow, so to present this next award - new for this year - put your hands together for Arukenimon!
"Female of the Species" plays as Arukenimon enters stage left, in human form, wearing a black dress.
Chris: And to present with her, who else could it be but Mummymon?
Mummymon enters stage right, also in human mode and wearing a tux, as "Walk Like an Egyptian" begins to play.
The two meet at the podium and Mummymon moves to kiss Arukenimon on the cheek, only to be clobbered upside the head by this category's award statuette.
Mummymon: I'M JUST BEING POLITE!
Chris steps aside, as Arukenimon opens the envelope.
Arukenimon: The votes for Favourite In-Training Digimon were:
1 - Nyaromon
2 - Koromon
2 - Tanemon
2 - Tsunomon
2 - Yokomon
4 - Bukamon
7 - Tokomon
8 - Motimon
Mummymon: Let's take a look at what the voters said:
"Motimon is my favourite, because he's cute and has a neat voice." - Fenrir X
"They're all hyperactive blobs, what's the difference?" - Andy00
"Tokomon. I love the teeth. He's this cute little pink thing, then, WHAM!" - Silvercat
"Bukamon, because it looks like his head's on fire." - AFD's Lisa
"Tokomon - I got a thing for the li'l guy. He's just so damn cute." - Marc Levy
"Yokomon. She's so cute!" - AFD's Susan
Tentomon: Oh yes, who's your daddy?
Tentomon flies up on stage, landing on the podium, and takes his award from Arukenimon.
Tentomon: I'd like to thank all my friends, especially Izzy, and ESPECIALLY his mother, for helping me through a difficult time in my life. I know now that I'll never eat another cantaloupe as long as I live. Thank you! Thank you all!
Mummymon: Sweet lord, not the cantaloupe thing again.
Arukenimon: Ignore it, and maybe it'll go away...
Tentomon retakes his seat as the audience claps.
Chris: And give these two a hand as well, audience!
More clapping as Arukenimon and Mummymon leave the stage.
CATEGORY THREE: MOST POPULAR ROOKIE DIGIMON
Chris: For this award, put your hands together and welcome Mimi!
Mimi enters in a pink ball gown, as "American Woman" thunders out of the sound system.
Chris: And Michael!
Michael struts on stage in a blue tuxedo, as "Born in the USA" starts playing. They meet at the podium, and kiss each other on the cheek.
Michael: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
The audience screams, and everyone jams their fingers into their ears, as Michael's squawk of a voice vibrates across the hall.
Mimi: Maybe you'd better let me...
The microphone quivers and shrieks as Mimi's high-pitched voice reaches it, and the audience screams even louder.
Michael: Something tells me we'd better get this over with quickly... the votes were:
1 - Biyomon
1 - Palmon
1 - Salamon
2 - Agumon
4 - Patamon
6 - Tentomon
7 - Gabumon
9 - Gomamon
Gomamon: *fingers in ears* What'd he say?
Myotismon: *fingers in ears* What?! Why would you ask me if I was gay?
Puppetmon: *fingers in... aw, you get the idea...* What?!? No, I don't want to come out and play!
Chris: GET UP, HERE, ALREADY!!
Gomamon crawls up on stage, and takes his award from Mimi.
Gomamon: Two years in a row, baby!
Mimi: Want to thank anyone?
Gomamon: Bite me! I did this all by myself! You're ALL WORTHLESS! YOU MEAN NOTHING TO ME!
Charlene: Tell - it - like - it - is - my - man.
The audience claps slowly, confusedly, as Gomamon clambers back into his seat.
Chris: Hard to believe he's still bitter... ah, well... Mimi and Michael!
The audience grunts, as Mimi and Michael go offstage and begin making out profusely.
CATEGORY FOUR: MOST POPULAR CHAMPION DIGIMON
Chris: This time around, please put your hands together for Matt!
The audience whoops and hollers as Matt enters in a dark green tuxedo. "Teenage Dirtbag" begins to play, rather loudly, as Chris glowers at him.
Chris: Still... dealing... with... Sorato...
Matt: I want off this stage already, man...
Chris: READ, FILTH!
Matt: *gulp* The votes for Most Popular Champion were:
1 - Garurumon
1 - Kabuterimon
2 - Ikkakumon
3 - Togemon
4 - Greymon
9 - Gatomon
10 - Angemon
Matt: It was a close race between Gatomon and Angemon, but in the end, Angemon JUST pulled ahead! And Birdramon didn't even get a single vote! Let's have a look at some fan comments...
"Togemon. Yes, TOGEMON! Come on, it's a boxing cactus! What's not to love?" - AFD's Susan
"Angemon - like you didn't know." - Time Lady
"Greymon - big T-Rex with fireballs. 'Nuff said." - Marc Levy
"Angemon! He's sexy!" - Megchan
"Garurumon. I admit, I'm terribly fond of wolf-type monsters, and Garurumon was a particularly cool design." - Lynxara
"Ikkakumon, the big woolly sea mammal!" - Fenrir X
Patamon: Patamon, Digivolve to... Angemon!
Angemon flies up on stage, and takes his award.
Angemon: No stupid erroneous ties this year! It's ALL me!
The audience applauds as Angemon reverts to Patamon and retakes his seat.
Matt: I'm just gonna...
Chris: GET THE **** OFF MY ****ING STAGE!!
Matt leaps off the stage and hides behind his seat.
Chris: I'm perfectly stable, y'know.
CATEGORY FIVE: MOST POPULAR ULTIMATE DIGIMON
Chris: *adjusts tie* Moving swiftly along... give it up for Piedmon!
"The Ace of Spades" plays as Piedmon enters from the left.
Chris: ...and LadyDevimon!
LadyDevimon floats on and "Black Magic Woman" plays.
Piedmon: ...the hell?
LadyDevimon: Oh, well, that's CHARMING, I must say.
Piedmon: But... Myotismon... and... gay jokes... and...
Chris: I'm trying to avoid that this year...
Piedmon: But... and... you... GAY JOKES!
LadyDevimon: It seems my co-host is a little distracted, so I'll deal with this one. The votes were:
1 - Garudamon
2 - MetalGreymon
3 - Angewomon
3 - WereGarurumon
5 - Zudomon
6 - Lillymon
12 - MagnaAngemon
LadyDevimon: Quite a surprise this year, with MagnaAngemon beating out last year's joint winners with double and over their individual votes! And nothing for MegaKabuterimon...
Tentomon: Bastards! You're all bastards!
Patamon: Patamon, Digivolve to... Angemon! Digivolve to... MagnaAngemon!
MagnaAngemon accepts his award from LadyDevimon.
LadyDevimon: Let's take a look at some fan comments...
"Zudomon, a big sea mammal with a hammer and shell!" - Fenrir X
"Jon Talbai-- er, WereGarurumon." - Lynxara
"Angewomon and/or Lillymon (and can you blame me? I'm a post-teen!)" - Aaron Thall
"Magna Angemon - yeah, you know my obsessions." - Time Lady
"I'm gonna vote for Zudomon, because the more I see him and his Vulcan Hammer attack, the more I smile like a giddy little child. Zudomon SMASH!" - Timestones
Piedmon: This a joke, right? He's going to get up out of his seat in the audience and come up and present the REAL award now, right?
The audience claps as MagnaAngemon leaves the stage.
LadyDevimon escorts the quivering Piedmon back to his seat, to applause.
CATEGORY SIX: MOST POPULAR MEGA DIGIMON
Chris: Our final DigiDestined-type question for this section of the show. To handle this one, say hi to Sorraaaaaaa.... *hearts flutter around his head*
Sora sighs and enters, with "The Power of Love" playing. NOT the Sailor Moon song - the REAL song, thank you very much.
Sora: Can't believe I'm doing this AGAIN...
Chris: *swats hearts away* And I can't believe I invited you after everything that you've DONE this year!
Sora: Oh, BITE ME!
7 - MetalGarurumon
11 - Omnimon
12 - WarGreymon
Chris: Yes, we had a new addition to this category this year, and it was a VERY close race between him and WarGreymon, with Omnimon in the lead for most of the voting, but a surprising last minute influx of WG votes shifted it around!
Sora: For two years in a row, Most Popular Mega - WarGreymon!
Agumon: Agumon, Warp-Digivolve to... WarGreymon!
WarGreymon vaults up on to the stage, and kneels down to accept his award from Sora.
WarGreymon: It doesn't really matter, as I would have got a statue anyway if Omnimon had won...
Chris: Good point, that...
Sora: Let's see some fan thingies...
"*In spliced, Movie-esque declaration* OMNIMON!" - Timestones
"Omnimon, without a doubt... the ultimate combination." - Bob's Replacement
"WarGreymon - I woulda said Omnimon but I refuse to vote for someone with such a stupid dubbed name. I mean, at least 'magna' sounds cool but 'omni'? It sounds like the name of a new light bulb, for God sakes." - Marc Levy
"Omnimon. He was an intensely neat design, and his role in Movie 2 was quite enjoyable." - Lynxara
"War Greymon's pretty cool." - Megchan
"MetalGarurumon - He's a big metal wolf!" - Fenrir X
WarGreymon hops of the stage and reverts back into Agumon. Chris turns around, and sees that Sora is already halfway down the steps off the stage.
Chris: FINE, THEN! GO! I DON'T NEED YOU!
Chris: Excuse me a moment, I have something in my eye...
CATEGORY SEVEN: MOST POPULAR VILLAIN
Chris: *composes himself* All righty-roo, moving onward, let's hear some applause for Paildramon!
Veemon: Veemon, Digivolve to... ExVeemon!
Wormmon: Wormmon, Digivolve to... Stingmon!
Both: ...DNA Digivolve to... Paildramon!
"Just the Two of Us" plays as Paildramon carefully walks up on stage.
Paildramon: Happy to be here.
Chris: Likewise, I'm sure.
Paildramon: *ExVeemon* The votes for this category were... *Stingmon* Hey, how come YOU get to read it? *ExVeemon* I called dibs on it. *Stingmon* You did NOT! *ExVeemon* Did SO! *Stingmon* Oh YEAH? *ExVeemon* YEEAH!! *Stingmon* Oh YEAH?! *ExVeemon* YE-
Chris: Why don't you BOTH read it? Remember now, audience, this year, votes were grouped together, as you'll see.
Paildramon: Okay! The votes for Most Popular Villain were:
1 - Apocalymon
1 - Devimon
1 - Parrotmon
2 - Keramon/Infermon/Diaboromon
2 - Machinedramon
4 - Piedmon
18 - Myotismon/VenomMyotismon
Paildramon: *ExVeemon* So, with an absolute landslide of a victory, Most Popular Villain two years running - Myotismon!
Myotismon hovers up onto the stage, looking deathly cool in a tuxedo - pun intended. Aiee.
Paildramon picks up the statuette with his left hand, and moves to give it to Myotismon, when suddenly, his right hand snatches it from his left.
Paildramon: *Stingmon* Get your hand off that! You got to say more than me, so I get to give him the award! *ExVeemon* Da hell you do!
Paildramon falls to the ground, wrestling with himself, as Chris sighs and picks up the award.
Chris: Here ya go.
Myotismon takes his award, and jumps on top of the podium, arms outstretched, cape flowing behind him.
Myotismon: I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!!
Chris: Oy... let's take a look at the fans' opinions...
"Myotismon, the only villain who I can't nitpick to itty-bitty shreds." - AFD's Susan
"Infermon/Diaboromon win because they're the only villain ever to attack while the Digimon evolve." - Timestones
"Myotismon, so evilly evil." - Misha Somethingortheother
"Apocalymon... I mean, do you get much more evil?" - Bob's Replacement
"Myotismon. He was cool, he had style, and best of all, he was smart and had consistent motivations. I actually didn't mind him staying around for a few week's worth of episodes." - Lynxara
"Piedmon's voice and personality make him my favourite of the first season villains." - Fenrir X
Chris: That's Myotismon, folks!
Everyone claps as he flies back to his seat.
Chris: ...and Paildramon... *sigh*
Paildramon: *ExVeemon* OH YEAH?!? *Stingmon* YEEEAAAH!!
Paildramon rolls of the stage and along the aisle.
CATEGORY EIGHT: MOST POPULAR SUPPORTING DIGIMON
Chris: To present this award, put your hands together for Daemon!
"Mr. Boombastic" starts playing as Daemon moonwalks out onto the stage. He's wearing a tux, but still has his hood covering his face, as well as his medallion.
Daemon: Wiggida-wiggida-wild! Word up to all my homies out there! It's slammin' to be here tonight!
Daemon: Get down and get funky as I lay some block rockin' beats on ya! The votes for this category were:
1 - Chuumon
1 - Numemon
1 - Whamon
2 - Andromon
3 - Leomon
4 - Elecmon
6 - Gennai
13 - Wizardmon
Daemon: Check it! Colossal spin this year, as Wizardmon lays the smack down on last year's winner, Gennai, getting more than double his number of votes! Big up!
Wizardmon floats up onto the stage, and gleefully accepts his award from Daemon.
Daemon: Got some wiggida-wuh-wuh-words you'd like to say, or any hoes or bitches ya wanna shout out to?
Wizardmon: I'd just like to say thank you to everyone who helped along the way.
Daemon taps his foot.
Wizardmon: ...and... uh... peace out?
Chris: Give it up for them, audience.
Wizardmon and Daemon retake their seats, to applause.
CATEGORY NINE: MOST POPULAR SUPPORTING HUMAN
Chris: For this award, let's welcome the *least* popular human being associated with Digimon... it's Jeff Nimoy!
Nimoy enters, decked out in a tuxedo, like all the other guests.
Davis: *jumps on top of his seat and points* He's turning into the Fantom again!
Davis runs up the aisle, onto the stage and tackles Nimoy. They disappear through the rear curtains, and sounds of fighting can be heard.
Nimoy (v/o): It's... ungh! ...all rumour... argh! ...and hearsay...!
Davis (v/o): Nice talk, Fantom!
Chris: Ahem... uh... right... well... guess I'll just do these votes, then...
1 - Mr. and Mrs. Tachikawa
1 - Mrs. Takenouchi
2 - Mrs. Izumi
4 - Mrs. Kamiya
4 - Ms. Takaishi
7 - Jim (Shin) Kido
9 - Mr. Ishida
Chris: Fan opinions, anyone?
"Mr. and Mrs. Tachikawa, very cute." - Areku
"TK's mom. She's a hottie." - Tech Weaver
"Tai's mom - the health food brought me many good laughs." - Marc Levy
"Matt's Dad. He was, IMHO, the most well-developed of the 01 adults." - Lynxara
"Mr. Ishida. He's just so rugged!" - Megchan
Mr. Ishida adjusts his collar, stamps out his cigarette, and, oozing coolness, calmly walks up onto the stage and accepts his award.
Chris: His name is Hiroaki, by the way, if anyone's wondering...
Davis and Nimoy come tumbling out from behind the curtains again and crash into Mr. Ishida. They all fall off the stage and land in a heap in the aisle.
Chris: Hey! You know what it's gonna cost me to have that carpet shampooed?!
CATEGORY TEN: BEST EPISODE
Chris: It's a nice, straightforward category, with only five choices... and to present the award, put your hands together for Yolei...
Yolei enters stage left, in a sparkly purple gown, with "I'm Every Woman" playing.
Chris: ...and Ken!
Ken is dragged out onto the stage, kicking and screaming, with two Bakemon pulling him along by his arms, as "Tainted Love" plays.
Chris: It's nice to see you two back here again this year, an-
Ken yanks his arms free, and runs backstage again. The Bakemon float after him, and pull him back out by his legs, as he claws at the wooden floor.
Chris: You scratch that, you're paying for it...
Yolei: I told before, Kenny, we'll be married in twenty-five years, just accept it!
Yolei drapes her arms around the quivering Ken.
Ken (whispers to a Bakemon): If you can get me out of here, I'll make it worth your while...
Bakemon: Sorry buddy, my pancakes don't flip that way.
The Bakemon floats off, and Ken yells after it.
Ken: That's NOT what I meant!
Piedmon (in audience): SEE! GAY JOKES!
Chris: I guess that one just slipped in...
Piedmon: And AGAIN!!
Chris: Ahem... read the votes... read the votes, now, dammit...!
Yolei: The votes for Best Episode were:
3 - 1.53, "Now Apocalymon," English version written by Jeff Nimoy and Bob Buchholz
5 - 1.43, "The Fate of Two Worlds," English version written by Jeff Nimoy and Bob Buchholz
10 - 1.37, "Wizardmon's Gift," English version written by Jeff Nimoy and Bob Buchholz
12 - 1.52, "Piedmon's Last Jest," English version written by Jeff Nimoy and Bob Buchholz
Ken: Nothing for our other contestant, 1.26, "Sora's Crest of Love," either. Let's take a look at some fan comments...
Yolei: *looks up at the screen* We don't have any comments for this category, Kenny...
When Yolei looks back down, Ken has vanished. Yolei looks around at Chris.
Chris: He went that-a-way. *points*
Ken (v/o): BASTARD!
Yolei hikes up her skirt, and sprints off in the direction Chris points.
Chris: Yolei and Ken, audience. You know how I love 'em.
Piedmon: What about my freakin' award?
Chris: Keep your pants on!
Piedmon: AND AGAIN!!
Chris throws Piedmon his statuette.
Piedmon: I'm surprised you didn't write "tosses Piedmon"...
Chris: MOVING ONWARD...!
CATEGORY ELEVEN: WORST EPISODE
Chris: Rather than dish out Digis for this particular category (and the others like it), this year, I'd like to present to you... the Sukie!
A Bakemon floats in and hands Chris a Sukie-Award - it's a small statuette of a Sukamon on a pedestal, a delightful shit-brown in colour.
Chris: We'll be handing out Sukie-Awards to the "winners" of the "Worst" categories - worst episode, worst moment, worst relationship, and so on. So, to present our first Sukie of the night, let's welcome Myotismon!
"I'm Just a Sweet Transvestite from Transsexual Transylvania" (from "the Rocky Horror Picture Show") starts playing, as Myotismon enters stage right. He pauses and listens to the music.
Myotismon: Are you trying to imply something?
Chris: Nope, not a thing.
Myotismon: O-kaaaay... *scrutinizes Chris* ...the votes for Worst Episode were...
1 - 1.08, "Evil Shows His Face," English Version written by Dayna Barron and John Ludin
2 - 1.14, "Departure for a New Continent," English Version written by Jeff Nimoy and Bob Buchholz
5 - 1.01, "And So It Begins..." English Version written by R.D. Chamberlain and John Ludin
8 - 1.06, "Togemon in Toy Town," English Version written by Michael McConnohie and J.M. Morris
11 - 1.15, "The Dark Network of Etemon," English Version written by Michael McConnohie and Jeff Nimoy and Bob Buchholz
Chris: Making this category multiple choice eliminated the problems we had last year, with people voting for "the whole Etemon arc." However, one must say (from a neutral standpoint, as this is the only episode I have not seen), that people appear to be voting for this episode because it features Etemon's introduction, rather than the fact that it has a bad story, cohesion, animation, or pace. But what can ya do? Etemon is once again our winner for this year!
Etemon somersaults up onto the stage, and takes his Sukie.
Etemon: Y'all are a shower of whores. This reminds me of a song...
A sandbag falls on Etemon, and Myotismon quickly drags him off the stage, to thunderous applause.
CATEGORY TWELVE: BEST MOMENT
Chris: I'm going to have to sterilise the spot where that monkey fell over... well, anyway, to present this award, say hello to Gatomon and Aquilamon!
Hawkmon: Hawkmon, Digivolve to... Aquilamon!
Aquilamon and Gatomon approach each other from opposite sides of the stage, with the "Odd Couple" theme tune playing.
Both: DNA Digivolve to... Silphymon!
Silphymon appears on stage... it's top half in a tuxedo jacket, it's bottom half clad in a glittering yellow gown.
Chris: Oh, sweet mercy...
Silphymon: The votes for this category were:
2 - e) The kids say goodbye to their Digimon and leave for home ("The Fate of Two Worlds")
5 - d) The kids' realisations in the Data World and their climactic battle with Apocalymon ("Now Apocalymon" and "The Fate of Two Worlds")
6 - c) The final battle with Piedmon ("Piedmon's Last Jest")
7 - b) WarGreymon and MetalGarurumon are born and battle VenomMyotismon ("Prophecy" and "The Battle For Earth")
11 - a) Wizardmon's sacrifice and the destruction of Myotismon ("Wizardmon's Gift")
Silphymon: Let's have some fan opinions!
"I'd have to say Wizardmon's sacrifice, since it was really dramatic and sweet." - Timestones
"D, over-imposed, faux emotions are the coolest." - Areku
"I guess I'll go with choice B. That was the first time Digimon really impressed me." - Lynxara
"D... the moment the whole season had been building up to." - Bob's Replacement
"A - it's just a great scene." - Fenrir X
Chris: Collecting his second award for the night, it's Wizardmon!
Wizardmon floats up on stage again, and reaches to take his award.
Silphymon: Wait... uh... this is for your sacrifice... so shouldn't you be... dead?
Wizardmon: Yeah, and so should half the 'mons in this room. What's your point?
Silphymon: Er... nothin', I guess.
Wizardmon accepts his award, as Silphymon scratches its head.
CATEGORY THIRTEEN: WORST MOMENT
Chris: *holds up another Sukie-Award* Thirteen, unlucky for some... but who will it be unlucky for tonight? To find out, let's welcome Davis and T.K.!
T.K. drags Davis away from Jeff Nimoy and up onto the stage.
Davis: Dude, I could have taken him...
T.K.: Whatever you say, "dude."
Davis: *clears throat* Woah-kay, then, let's see here... *opens the envelope* ...the votes for Worst Moment were...
3 - d) Kari glows ("The Crest of Light")
5 - a) Angemon's battle with Devimon being so poorly done ("The Legend of the DigiDestined")
5 - b) Etemon's introduction ("The Dark Network of Etemon")
5 - c) T.K.'s stupid fight with Patamon ("Out On The Town")
13 - e) Awful dubbing of Apocalymon's speech ("Now Apocalymon")
T.K.: Well, I think that says it all, but we might as well have some fan comments anyway...
"I don't like Kari. I never liked nightlights. Kari as a nightlight just doesn't work." - AFD's Susan
"T.K. vs. Patamon. Awful writing in the season's only filler episode." - Aaron Thall
"E - it's so badddddddd." Mark Levy
"A. Laaammme!" - Silvercat
"Just the thought of Apocalymon having hot and cold running water destroys the whole ending of the series. If it were a standard villain, that would be one thing. But this is the big bad end guy. Unacceptable." - Fenrir X
"E. All the others can be excused as awkward story necessities or ideas that never got developed as much as they should have. There was just no excuse for making Apocalymon so damn stupid." - Lynxara
Apocalymon hovers up to the stage (no, don't ask me how, I don't know), and takes his Sukie, before erupting into tears.
Apocalymon: CRUEL MONSTERS! *weeps* Just... one more... mark of sorrow... on the eternal blackness that is.. my SO-OO-OUL!! WAAAAAA!!!
Devimon pats Apocalymon on the back, and leads him outside the main hall to help him calm down.
Devimon: You wanna get some pizza?
Chris: Gee... I kinda feel bad now... oh, well, T.K. and Davis, everyone!
Davis and T.K. wave to the audience and return to their seats.
CATEGORY FOURTEEN: MOST POPULAR RELATIONSHIP
Chris: I considered making this category multiple-choice, but in the end I decided that it probably wasn't a good idea. So, there were a lot of different votes cast. In fact, I might even remove this category next year... but for now, to run through it all, it's Izzy!
Izzy enters stage right. Charlene wolf-whistles from the audience.
Izzy: Hey, I'm in a few of these... sweet! The votes for Most Popular Relationship were:
1 - Mishiro (Mimi and Izzy)
1 - Koushlene (Izzy and his computer, Charlene)
1 - Koushari (Izzy and Kari)
1 - AngeDevi (Angemon and Devimon, duh)
2 - Taito (Tai and Matt)
2 - Sorato (Sora and Matt)
5 - Takari (T.K. and Kari)
7 - Taiora (Tai and Sora)
10 - Mimou (Mimi and Joe)
Chris: I predicted this would be the case earlier this year, before ballots even started to come in - Mimou bumps last year's winner, Taiora, off the top spot. Joe, Mimi, c'mon up here!
Joe and Mimi tentatively walk up to the stage, and accept their awards. They smile nervously at each other.
Chris: Problem is, this year, I'm not putting my own opinions into this, so I can't portray Mimi and Joe as a couple, as it's practically canon that Mimi and Michael are...
Michael: *jumps out of his seat and yells at Joe* Don't MAKE me come UP there, you slanty-eyed Japanese bastard!!
Chris: See why I think I might remove this category?
Chris ushers Mimi and Joe offstage, and Izzy just idly strolls off.
CATEGORY FIFTEEN: LEAST POPULAR RELATIONSHIP
Chris: This category is even riskier than the previous one...
Chris sets two Sukie-Awards down on the podium.
Chris: Yes, definitely considering removing these questions next year... well, anyway, for now, put your hands together for Joe and Cody!
"Lean On Me" plays as Joe and Cody enter from opposite sides of the stage, and shake hands as they meet at the podium. Joe is in a pale grey tux, while Cody... well, Cody looks like a little penguin, to be honest.
Joe: Cody is a little young to grasp the concept of this...
Cody: Girls are icky!
Joe: ...yeah, you said it.... so, I'll read the votes out. They are:
2 - Mimou
2 - Mimato
3 - Joushiro
4 - Taiora
4 - Taito
6 - Takari
7 - Sorato
Joe: Yeah, and who didn't see that coming? Matt, Sora, you wanna come up?
Matt (in audience): Nah, we're fine...
Chris: GET UP HERE!!
Matt and Sora look at each other, sigh, and go up on stage. Joe and Cody move to hand them their awards, but Chris stops them.
Chris: I'll do that.
He turns to them.
Chris: Just because you're OFFICIAL...! *punctuates sentence by thrusting Matt's award into his hands* ...don't mean we have to LIKE IT! *likewise shoves Sora's award into her hands*
Matt opens his mouth to speak, but Chris promptly spits in his eye and kicks him off the stage. Joe and Cody back away.
Chris: I EXPECTED BETTER FROM YOU! NOW GET THE **** OFF MY ****ING STAGE!!
Joe: He's losing it...!
Joe grabs Chris in a half nelson, as Cody clutches on to one of his legs.
Chris: Get the **** OFF ME!! I'll KILL YOU! I'LL ****ING KILL ALL OF YOU!!
Some more audience members join in the attempt to restrain Chris. Leomon walks in from the bar, his attention caught by all the noise.
Leomon: Hmn. *addresses audience* Folks, I'll talk to him...
Leomon walks up on stage, and lifts Chris out from under the pile of people.
Leomon: You okay?
Chris: It's not right! IT'S NOT RIGHT!!
Leomon: I know, man, I know.
Leomon pats Chris on the back.
Chris: *sniff* Okay... ahem... *coughs*...
The Digi-Rap begins to play.
Chris: That's the end of this section, audience, so, take a trip outside - visit the bathroom, go to the bar, whatever, but be sure to come back soon for section two, when we'll be looking at Digimon 02, with lots of new questions in addition to last year's, plus a musical interlude courtesy of the Daemon Corps!
Daemon: Yo, man, we need a couple minutes to tune up our stuff.
Chris: It's okay, you have plenty of time.
As the audience files out, Chris wanders backstage, and is handed a cup of eggnog by a Bakemon.
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CONTINUED IN SECTION TWO!
Click HERE to continue on to Section Two.
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